Meh #2

RIP Mikey 4-21-16

I'm sorry that I didn't do this sooner. I've been thinking a lot about you, Mikey... I keep thinking that if I would've changed my answer...that maybe....just maybe.....you'd still be here.................. You even said that I should've and that you wished I would've said yes.... But...if I would've then...I wouldn't be with Jace today. But it still doesn't escape my mind that maybe....just maybe.... ya' know? I cried when Mika told me. I didn't even cry when Josh/"Sam" told me he was leaving Wattpad. I was so emotionally done. I kinda think I am emotionally done. It's like I can't grieve anymore. No more tears... just...hurt. Emotional hurt. No more crying. No more crying myself to sleep anymore. After all of the deaths, and drama that I've been through just in this month. I think has hardened me. 

And this time, their not fake deaths. They're real.

Mikey... you always made me smile. Your personality could light an entire city. You were so sweet and caring. Honest and lovable. You were like a magnet, people were just drawn to you. Out of everyone, I figured out that you were the one I knew first. It was you, Oliver, and Jacon. I still remember our first conversation. I still remember when you took pictures of me when we first met. I'd always ask if you were on. You meant alot to me. 

I don't know if I'd be making someone angry because of me doing this. Since I didn't know him as long as Dani, Josh, Mason, or Mika. But...I still feel like I need to do this because you meant a lot. 

I don't know why you did this...I think I have a pretty good idea...............

To be honest....I'm kinda angry at that one person....that hurt you in the past. I feel like he did something that hurt you worse then before, but I remember those words you said to me when we were talking. "If he hurts me then it's on me." But....maybe you would still be alive if the outcome of my answer would've been different. Although, I know that I wouldn't have the person that I love by my side today. I am greatful for him too. I just wish you were here to see how happy I am... I saved our messages from the first time we met. 

When you left, I thought about messaging your kik. So many times the thought went through my head. I stopped it every time though. Because I thought that if I had, then you'd be angry at me for reading the texts... (there was other drama going on) Then....once I finally did....it said your phone was shut off... I found his kik too, and messaged it. I was getting worried and so was Mason since Mika hadn't heard from you in a while. But his was shut off too.................

Remember those song lyrics I sent you?

Now, whenever I hear those songs. Especially Superman by Charlie Puth  and Stand By You by Rachel Platten. They just make me want to cry. Because I didn't save you. I wasn't there. Just like I wasn't there for Zeke. Or anyone else. 

I had a feeling something went wrong. That something was wrong. I knew it. >.< I knew it.....

You held me and comforted me when Zeke died. I was there when that drama happened with you. I carried you to the park. We never got to slide down the slide though. We ended up sitting under the tree talking. So many times you've helped me. 

I miss you alot. You don't leave my mind.

I'm sorry Superman. I'm so sorry..

LOVe and remeberence forever,

Superwoman

RIP MIKEY 4-21-16