Have Faith: Life and Times of a Glorious Asshole

Introduction

Life can end just as damn quickly as it can begin.
And then, it can start again.
There is a path of renewal, maybe even a cycle in everyones' lives.
And ever-progressing circle of change.

My life has been part of this rapid cycle for the past 19 years.

Let me give you a formal introduction of myself so I can quit with the subtle, mysterious bullshit.

I'm Ace.

Ace Johanna Araya.

That name, I hate to admit, is not my birth name. It's more...God given.
And by God, I mean myself.
Obviously.
Because, well, let's face it. I am a God

If you haven't been able to sense even in the slightest bit by now-I'm pretty damn egotistical. Sue me.

Now, back to this WONDERFUL autobiography; this little 'Me, Myself, and I' novel:

The path of renewal.
That's what my life has been on.
Everyday, every year since the day I was born-
Something happens and I'm one step closer to ending one chapter of my life and starting a new one.

I've done many bad things.
Terrible things.
So, let's get this straight:

I am NOT a good person.

Repeat after me:

"Ace Araya is NOT a good person."

Say it again.
Make a fucking song out of it.
Sing it to the beat of Rhianna's Umbrella.
I don't care as long as you get it into your heads.

"Ace Araya is NOT a good person."

The story I will be telling you is twisted.
It's dark.
But, it's full of my commentary, so I guarantee you'll be shitting your pants from laughter.

Maybe add this to the jingle:

"Ace Araya is NOT a good person. Ace Araya is the most awesome and comedic fucker you'll ever encounter."

Eh. Too long.
Maybe the original sentence was better.
I mean, it's beauty was in it's simplicity.
I'm getting sidetracked.

As I was saying, this story is dark and twisted and blah, blah, blah, shit your pants. But I can assure you, you'll enjoy it.
Why?
Because it's about me.
And everybody loves me.
You might not at the moment but, I'll grow on you. I'm like a...a tick. Or a wart.
I'll grow on you and I'm pretty damn hard to shake off.

I am not a villain.
But I ain't a hero, either.
This story will have heroes and villains, but, I can assure you-I will not be one of them.

I'm simply a bad person.

Now, that would make it seem like I am a villain-
I wouldn't really call myself that.
You won't see me sitting there, scheming and plotting to end the world.
I'm just a selfish, aggressive, and highly volatile person.
And I just do whatever will suit me best at the time.

Maybe some people who read this will believe I am a villain.
You're wrong but, okay. That's your prerogative.

But I swear, if anyone who reads this considers me a hero-
I will track you down and kill you myself.

So, before I finish with this long ass introduction; I want you to say this with me once more.

"Ace Araya is NOT a good person."