Have Faith: Life and Times of a Glorious Asshole

I Meet Bitchy Models With Fangs

Lazarus didn't follow me.
THAT was something I was grateful for.
Eric wouldn't have appreciated it if an angry demon decided to start throwing fireballs at the house. He already got pissed when I flipped a Djinn over my shoulder and into an oak table, therefore breaking it.

Just two days after my encounter with Mr. Dapper himself, I found myself running into another of the most cold hearted people I have ever met.

I was on a patrol in the city, searching for any disturbance when I heard a loud, piercing scream ring out through the night air.
"Bingo." I grinned, following the sound to an alleyway.

It was there I saw a vampire pinning a woman to the wall, intent on draining her blood.
"Hey!" I called. "Dracula! Yoo-hoo!"
The vampire slowly pulled away from the woman and turned to look at me, his eyes black and red.
His grip on the woman loosened, letting her sag to the ground as he stalked towards me with a hiss.
"Hey big boy," I grinned. "Can you speak with a Transylvanian accent for me? I wanna feel like I'm fighting the real Count."
The vampire just scowled before charging at me.

The thing about vamps...they're fast.
Fast as hell.
Fortunately for me, I know how to fight that speed.

The vamp was only recently changed, seeing as his strength wasn't overly abnormal as it is with others of the fang gang.
He threw a lunch and I easily grabbed his arm, throwing it behind him and spinning him around. I forced him to lean back so the back of his shoulders were against my chest.
I quickly pulled a flask out of my jacket with my free hand as he opened his mouth to make a smart ass comment. Before he could say a word, I cut him off.
"Hey vamp-drink this." I said before ramming the open end of it into his mouth.

His eyes went wide and smoke began to appear around the edges of his mouth as he let out a muffled scream. I let him go a stepped back, putting the flask away.
"Holy water, a classic." I grinned before pulling a blade from its sheath, which was strapped to my leg. "And now for my final act." I smirked before running up to the staggering vamp, slicing his head clean off.

It fell to the ground and rolled, the knees on his body buckling as it crumpled to the ground also.
I stood still, glancing down at the decapitated body and head lying next to it before sheathing my blade once more.

I walked towards the woman, who was trying her best to gain her balance and stand on two feet like an intelligent human being.

"You're welcome." I said, grabbing her arm and not-so-graciously leading her out of the alleyway.
"Th-thank you!" She cried. "Is there anyway I can repay you?"

Now, this is the moment most heroes go, "It was my pleasure, ma'am, no payment required".
Thing is, I wasn't a hero.

So, I held out my hand. "A hundred bucks would be nice." I grinned.

Now, as I said before, most heroes don't expect anything.
And most people who get saved just say bullshit about repaying out of curtesy.
So, naturally when I took up the offer, the woman was surprised.

"Wait, you actually want money?" She asked.
I deadpanned and nodded. "Uh, duh."

She stared at me in shock as I motioned with my hand for her to hand over the money before finally handing over two crisp fifty dollar bills.

I grinned. "Thanks. Now be on your way." I pocketed the money and made 'shoo'ing motions with my hand.
The lady stared at me before shaking her head and wandering off.

"Gee, what's her problem?" I muttered out loud, folding my arms. "I saved her life. She's lucky I didn't ask for more than a hundred. I was being very generous."