The Fear Of Falling Apart // Dan Howell

Chapter 10

Kim and Phil come back through the door into the main area and Kim walks over to you and switches the soundboard off, making the lights on it dim.

"Phil is just going to help me get some extra equipment from the storage room, you okay here for now?" Kim asks, looking at you for a response.

"Yeah, but wouldn't it be better if I came to check out the storage room with you though, considering I've never seen it?" You question, nervously.

Kim looks confused and shakes her head in disagreement.

"No it's fine, we don't really have that much time - we won't be long!" Kim says, grabbing her lanyard and pacing over to the door.

"Dan might need some help so you could always ask him if you want something to do!" Kim tells you.

Yes, if you weren't avoiding him that would be a great idea. But no, you're trying your best to save the awkwardness so as Phil and Kim leave the room, you pull out your phone and begin to text Luke, who still hasn't contacted you since you've been in London. As you type the first few words in, you hear a door swing open, making you jump and look up at the studio door ahead. No one is there. You figure it was just a breeze or something so you continue to look down at your phone and type. Just as you go to send the message, you feel a tap on your shoulder, making you drop your phone onto the hard, carpeted floor.

A/N This song lyrically goes well with this next part of the chapter... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_tWcwxT3kA

"Shoot!" You yell, bending over to pick it up.

Just as you do, a familiar hand touches yours. You haven't felt the softness of Dan's hand touch yours in a while and it actually makes a warm blush spread across your face - luckily covered with makeup.

"Oh sorry!" Dan says quickly, bringing back his hand.

"It's fine" You mumble, making sure your fringe is covering your face.

You pick up your phone and quickly bring it back, pressing it into your thigh.

"Wow, I'm so clumsy! I didn't mean to scare you!" Dan says moving closer to you, "Let's start again: Hi, my name is Dan"

Dan holds his hand out, signalling for you to grasp onto it and shake but the urge to reply with "Nice to meet you" is killing you; you always loved teasing Dan about the 'HELLO INTERNET' video. But you know that if you were to say that, he would guess exactly who you were straight away. Then again, the position you're in right now would indicate that he is about to find out anyway.

You slowly inch your hand closer to his significantly larger one, weakly holding onto his and just as you hear him say "so what's your na-" he pulls his hand back and does not finish his sentence. He knows - he held your hand too many times to not recognise your small, delicate hand! You bring your hand down to your side and shake your head, making sure your red fringe keep shielding your face. However, it doesn't stay like that for long because you see Dan's hand reach out and tuck your fringe behind your ear revealing your face.

You teary eyes watch in agony as Dan's face drops at the sight of you. He knows you too well and he doesn't even need to take a double take to figure that out.

"(y/n)" He stutters, "Is that really you?"

"I've got to go" You croak, rapidly getting up from your seat and walking towards the door.

Before you even get to the door, Dan grabs your hand again and gently pulls you back. You turn around to face him and he looks nervously at your face as if he is inspecting every inch of you - he just doesn't quite believe it's really you.

"Babe, what are you doing here?" He says, cupping his hands against your face.

You feel so emotional right now and you struggle to find the right words to say. You haven't been able to look into his eyes and feel his warm touch in ages and already, you know that you've missed it from the sensations it gives you. Your heart thudded the minute he called you 'babe' too. You haven't heard that in a while.

"I-I work here now"

Dan's facial expression doesn't change and his hands stay on your face, his thumbs gently stroking your blazing hot cheeks.

"I thought I'd never see you again" He whispers, cracking a small smile.

"So did I" You sigh, pulling away from his hands.

You walk back over to the desk so that your back is facing him but you hear him edge closer to you - he just won't give up!

"You've changed so much" He says, "The hair, the makeup..."

"It's not because of you though Dan - it was my own choice!" You exclaim, "I looked awful and I needed to find my true self. This is me and if you don't like it, that's not my problem. You stopped being my problem the day I said goodbye."

Half way through the sentence, your voice cracks and you feel tears trickle down your face. Dan places his hand on your shoulder but you don't fight it.

"I know I did" He says, "And I do like it. You look gorgeous no matter what - you always have done."

You don't reply to him because you begin to feel slightly intimidated by the sudden compliment. Why is he doing this?

"Did things in Scotland not work out?" Dan asks, changing the subject.

"No" You say, "My Mum died and I couldn't get a job up there. This was my only offer."

"I'm sorry to hear that" Dan responds.

"Are you Dan? Are you really?" You hiss, walking to the other side of the room.

"Yes."

You sigh and turn around facing Dan who is boldly standing in the centre of the room, in his black skinny jeans, red checked shirt and white high-tops.

"Dan, I'm working here now. I'll put up with you for that reason and for that reason only." You sternly say, pointing your finger at him, putting him in his place.

"I can deal with that" He says, sympathetically smiling.

Can he though? And if he can, will you? In your mind, you know that you're doing the right thing and keeping your distance. However, in your heart, you want to just run up to him and wrap your arms around him, telling him how much you missed him. Unfortunately, from the whole incident in America, you can no longer trust your heart. Maybe it will stay that way or maybe, you will learn to trust it once more.

Your feelings for Dan are unpredictable.

A/N You have officially seen Dan for the first time in a year! Wow - emotions! Will you stick to your word or will you not be able continue playing hard to get for much longer? Find out very soon - the drama llama is on it's way :D Bye for now ~ Katie