The Fear Of Falling Apart // Dan Howell

Chapter 22

UPDATE: I am SO sorry for how cringey this chapter is - I wrote this a while back and I know that lots of you have read this already but if this is your first time reading this, I'm sorry for what's ahead lmao 😬

With Dan walking quickly beside you, you pace over to the reception desk in the hospital. It's almost impossible to try and talk as the shock of what has happened is stopping you from saying the right things.

"I'm here for Luke and I came beacause, he is dead and-"

"I'm going to have to ask you to slow down miss, I don't know what you are saying." The receptionist tell you seriously.

"Luke, he died and Louise called me but it's too late and-"

"What's Luke's surname?" She questions.

"Um I-"

"(y/n)!" Louise calls out from the hall, running out to you with her arms wide.

As she hugs you tightly, you burst into tears and you feel Dan place his hand on your back, slowly massaging circles into your spine, out of comfort. Louise pulls away and leans over the receptionist's desk and Dan wraps his arms around you. You know that this is probably the last time that Dan will hug you now. You've screwed up big time and you know that there are consequences for this

"Yes okay I understand now that she is here for Luke but what is she to him? Only close relatives or relations can see him." You hear the receptionist say.

You know that Louise has to tell her the truth and as her mouth moves to answer, you feel Dan's arms slowly drop as he lets go. He hates you. You have messed up and this is your punishment. The receptionist nods and Louise guides you through the hall. Dan is walking through with you but you know he is no longer there for support - he just wants answers.

You reach a door and Louise pushes it open, allowing you to walk through. Luke lays still on the hospital bed, his eyelids shut and his mouth slightly open. Tears fall down your face as you tiptoe over to the bed and fall onto your knees. You sob into the sheets of the bed and your hand clasps hold of his. You may not have loved him but he cared about you and you were good friends before you dated. You feel awful.

"Louise this is all my fault." You cry.

Louise sighs and walks over to the bed, getting down onto her knees next to you.

"No it's not. Don't blame yourself for what happened." Louise tells you.

"But it is!" You sob, "I practically cheated on him and that's why he ended up here isn't it?"

Louise grabs hold of your hand and looks sincerely at you.

"Then the feelings were mutual." Louise tells you.

Confused, you look up and the words that she just said hit you. Mutual? What does she mean by that?

"Do you wanna know where Luke was heading?" Louise says, "To find you because he had planned to break up with you."

"W-w-what?" You stutter, letting go of his cold hand, "Why?"

"Something about falling in love with someone else..." Louise murmurs.

Wow. The feelings really were mutual because that's exactly the reason why you were going to break up with him.

"Can I just ask what's going on please?" Dan asks, sounding a little frustrated.

You bow your head in shame and Louise just looks up at Dan.

"(y/n) was dating Luke but she didn't exactly love him like he supposedly loved her. She felt guilty so continued to date him. However, Luke has now died and it turns out that he was cheating on (y/n)." Louise explains.