~~ ONE WEEK LATER ~~
ISSY P.O.V
One miserable, terrible, depressed, sad, unhappy and wretched week it has been. I don't think I've ever felt so forlorn and alone as I do right now. I spent my days curled up in a shaking little ball in Cameron's spare bedroom, only coming out to go to the bathroom. I hadn't eaten much in the week and I had been drinking all of Cameron's alcohol, trying to desperately numb the pain I was feeling in the hole in my stomach. I haven't spoken to anyone except Cameron and I haven't turned on my phone, too scared to see the amount of missed calls and texts I had. I barely slept, only when the alcohol took its toll or when my body shut down from all the crying. I hadn't smiled at all this week either, the only activity my lips had were quivering when I sobbed of a night time. Ben has been the only thing on my mind and all I wanted to know was that he was OK and that he was coping. I didn't care about myself, I cared about Ben and I hated that. I still loved Ben with everything I had and I just wished that I could bring myself to hate him, but I can't. Cameron told me that on New Year's (that I spent alone), that he got so drunk that he couldn't walk and he just begged for me. The AA boys had gone around to Danny's to spend New Years together and there was no way in hell I was going. Cameron told me that Danny even offered to uninvite Ben so I could spend some time with friends but I couldn't bring myself to agree. I would be heartbroken thinking about Ben at home alone while I spent New Years with his friends. When he told me the story of Ben's breakdown, I just covered my ears and cried because I didn't want to hear any more of his pain. Cameron held his tongue about my whereabouts around Ben, he and I didn't want Ben to know where I was. The rest of AA knew where I was and they all tried to see me but I wasn't in the mood to look at other people. James knew what had happened and he was broken too and he wanted to talk to me about it. I shrugged him off, I could not bring myself to look at him in the eyes and knowing that I caught his love with mine, ruining our relationships. Demi, Monique, Brandi, Jamie and Annie knew everything through Cameron and they tried to see me but like AA, I pushed them away.
It was 6:30am and I hadn't slept at all last night. Cameron hadn't bought any alcohol after I polished off the last can of cider in the house two nights ago and I had spent the night sobbing. My brain rattled through all the memories of Ben and me, dissolving me into tears with every flashing memory that flew into my mind. My legging covered knees came up to my chin and I buried my face in my knees, my sobs coming out from my lips strained and dry. I thought I had cried myself out of tears but I obviously hadn't. I wanted to talk to someone but I didn't want to disturb Cameron. I wanted to cuddle up to someone and let them soothe me but I didn't want Cameron to do that for me. I wanted Ben to do that and I wished that I didn't crave his presence. I saw an acoustic guitar in the corner of the bedroom next to the door. I had been staring at it for the entire week, wanting to pick it up and strum familiar chords, let the emotions I had been feeling form into words but I didn't want to disturb Cameron. I chewed on my lip as I stared at the guitar, formulating chords to the songs blooming in my mind. I rolled forward to the end of the bed, reaching out my hand to grab the neck of the black guitar covered in stickers and began to strum quietly, composing a depressing minor key melody
Torn in two she lies awake
The moon lights up the room like day
Another night she spends alone
Without his touch her skin so cold
The blood that's running through her veins
With every beat there's no escape
Lost in everything she trusts
Still can't seem to get enough
Even though the world she loved
It won't ever be the way it was
And his heart of stone left her's breaking
Every night she cries
And dies a little more each time
Say you love me
Nothing left inside
Say you love me
And the silence will set her free
YOU ARE READING
Life Can Do Terrible Things // Ben Bruce
FanfictionBen and Issy met one night in a night club, both were heartbroken and battling their sadness with alcohol. He was a rockstar, she was a girl trying to follow her dreams and their worlds collided in the most beautiful of ways. But there's one import...
