2:56 :: h.s

neuf

19:27

I haven't seen Rae since Saturday.
I've literally talked to this girl twice and I feel like I've known her my whole life.
Its Friday and my mom is out running some errands.
There is a knock on the door and I already know it's my pizza.
I climb out of my bed and answer the door.

A guy with glasses and a red shirt stands at my door.
He checks the total and I pay him, taking the box.
The wonderful scent of warm pizza fills my nostrils and I can feel my mouth begin to water.

God, I love pizza.

I sit on my bed and press play on the movie I'm watching.
I like this one.
It's about a boy, who has a disability, and he meets a prostitute and tries to show her that she's better than that and takes her to light houses.
It's also very aesthetically pleasing.
I shove half a piece of pizza in my mouth and wipe my face with my hand.

A knock on my window causes me to put my third piece down and look outside.

There is Rae, in her usual attire, holding her arms.
I open the window and let her in.
She falls through the window and onto my bed.
It's cold already.
I grab a sweatshirt from my floor and pull it over my head.
She mutters an apology and I tell her it's not big deal.

"What are you watching?" She asks and pulls her knees to her chest.

"It's called Safelight and it's really good." I say and take my pizza back. I almost offer her a piece but then I remember that she doesn't eat.

"Do you mind if I watch it with you?"

I shake my head.

During the movie I look over at Rae a few times and she's still as a statue.
I look at her shoulder and chest.
They stay in the same place.
She doesn't swallow, she doesn't blink.
It's quite creepy actually.
I nudge her and she snaps her head over to me.

"What?" She asks.

I shrug, "nothing. I just thought you were dead."

She closes her eyes and then nods, "yeah."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"I know," she smiles, "it's fine. I've been dead for a year, I'm over it."

"As of Tuesday, right?"

She shrugs, "that was just a guess. I don't have a phone, or a calendar, or anything like that. It was more of an educated guess."

I laugh lightly with her. "Well, it's a pretty good guess. We had an assembly at school on Tuesday."

Her smiles falters, "how'd that go."

"Your dad mainly talked about bullying and stuff. But as soon as they brought that up, this girl I met was telling me about how you were sexually harassed."

"What girl?"

"Stella . . ."

Her eyes widen and she sits up, "Stella? How is she? How long is her hair? Did her and that Canadian girl work out?" I move back a bit and she lets out a nervous laugh. "Sorry, you probably don't know. Have you met anybody else?"

"The rest of your friends." I avoid her eyes.

Her shoulders slump, "oh. Yeah, I've seen Jessa around here a bit. She looks lovely as ever."

There is no sarcasm in her voice, just sadness.

"We're you really sexually harassed?"

"Yes, no one would touch me but they would say things and call me names."

"Did you tell your parents?" I know what Stella said but I want to hear it from Rae herself.

"Yeah, I did. And they told me that if I didn't - and I quote - 'advertise myself' that boys wouldn't being saying things like that to me. I purposely started wearing sweatpants and sweatshirts and all of that shit so they would leave me alone but it didn't do anything so I gave up. I started wearing my normal clothes and doing whatever the hell I used to. I would come home from my friend's houses at like, two o'clock in the morning and they'd yell at me because they thought I was out fucking somebody. I literally called them to let them know where I was and they still didn't believe me. They were shit parents and they know it."

I know that if she could breathe, her chest would be moving up and down quickly.
If her blood still moved through her veins, her cheeks would be red.
But she sits here with an angry expression and that's it.

"I'm sorry for ranting," she says and gets off my bed.

I think she took my silence the wrong way. "No, you're fine. Your parents were shit. No offense, they look like assholes."

She cackles, "they were! Oh my gosh, they so were! My parents dressed like we had a ton of money and never let anyone come to our house. They acted like billionaires and were ashamed of the life they really had. Talk about cowards."

I raise an eyebrow, "damn."

We sit in silence for a few moments.
I don't mind and I don't think she does either.
My finger messes with the ring on my opposite hand and her eyes avert to it.
The room begins to get colder and I turn on my heater.

"I can go, if you want," she says and moves toward the door.

When has she ever left through the door?

"Do you want to go for a walk?" I suggest.

Rae furrows her eyebrows. "What?"

"A walk. You walk everywhere and I want to know where you go. It's only eight-fifteen. Come on, it will be fun."

A smile begins to spread over her face, "yeah, okay."

I smile back at her, "let me change really fast and I'll meet you in the living room."

"It's nothing I haven't seen before." Her expression is smug.

I step toward her and turn her around. "Well, you won't be seeing it again."

She laughs as I close the door and lock it on her.