The Girl that Ran with Wolves

Chapter 11

As we marched down into the darkness, the black swarmed around me and enveloped us like an old friend. I wasn’t scared for myself. No, I was scared OF myself. I was afraid of what would happen if Derek and Scott couldn’t hold me back. My dark thoughts were pushed out of my mind as light flooded the tunnel. I saw the train car and a couple yards away sat a trunk. There were three different symbols on the trunk top. Derek knelt down to the trunk and hefted the lid open. Out of it he pulled several different contraptions of metal. There was a harness to go around my waist, a thing for my head that looked incredibly painful, and leg shackles. I smirked at Derek.

“Ever use those bad boys for something else?” I asked in a flirty tone. Derek rolled his eyes and shot me a look. He closed the lid of the trunk and as we started to walk away and into the train car I stopped. Turning around I knelt where Derek had been seconds before.

I skimmed my hand over the patterns on the lid. There was the triskele, three spirals that wove together (Derek had a tattoo on his back) and then there was the pattern of a large thick circle that enclosed another, smaller and thinner circle (Scott had that tattoo on his arm) and then there was the three interlocking rings. My hand stopped over that one. All three of us Carter siblings had that tattooed on us somewhere. Alexa had it on her lower back, Will had it on his wrist and I had it on the back of my neck but my ling hair had always hidden it. Derek and Scott were looking at me, the obvious question in their eyes.

“You have the triskele on your back Derek, and Scott you have the circles on your arm so who put the rings on here?” I asked. I was surprised when Scott answered.

“When we showed Will and Alexa down here they saw that there were patterns on the trunk just like you did. I explained to them that tattoos for us meant something. The triskele symbolizes that we can all rise and fall from our ranks and the two circles symbolizes for me that some things never heal. Will asked if he could add the rings. I said sure even though I knew it was only for pack but by that time you guys basically were pack. He never said about what it meant though. But it seemed like it meant a lot.” I took a deep breath and debated whether or not I should tell them.

 “The three interlocking rings were tattoos all of the Carter kids got right after our mother died. Our dad had started drinking and had just become a different man. The three interlocking rings symbolize each one of us and that we will always be with each other and that we are connected by more than just pack bonds.” Derek placed his hand on my shoulder after a moment.

“Come on. It’s time.”

In a kind of daze I follow Derek and Scott into the train car. I know that this is where Boyd, Isaac, and Erica spent their first full moon in the Hale pack. I feel the spikes press into my sides of the head contraption. Derek keeps apologizing and trying to be as gentle as he can. Scott works silently and when he is done he kind of hugs me and kisses my cheek like a younger brother would an older sister. I watch as he goes and sits outside the train car and settles into a night of no sleep.

Hours pass and I know that I am behaving abnormally. I am quiet. But as the moon finally shines through the ripped celling, I explode. My claws and teeth come out and I am ripping and tearing and snarling. I am dangerous. Derek is the one who is on guard as I start to freak. He pins my arms at my side but I rip through his grip and slash his chest. My eyes meet his and I can feel his breath stop for a minute. I know. My eyes are ice blue. The color for wolves who have taken an innocent life. My eyes are blue because I used to be a wolf. On my first full moon I ripped my mother’s throat out and my father destroyed the wolf within my though. And when I was bitten again by him it re-awakened it.

I looked into Derek’s eyes and I saw the same look of love that my mother had in her eyes the night of my first-first full moon. And then the memories are there. Of me and my mother before, when our family and pack were whole. It washes over me like a tide and leaves me stripped of the walls I had put up. My claws and teeth sink back into my skin but my eyes still burn brightly. I had found my anchor.

“Shay?” Asked Derek.

“I’m ok Derek. I just, I found my anchor.” Derek nods and takes his hands off of my arms that are no longer straining against his. He doesn’t push me on what my anchor is and I’m glad because I’m exhausted and don’t really want to talk about it. Derek slips out of the train car and wakes up Scott before falling asleep. I sit for the next few hours until the sun comes up, remembering what it was like before mom died. And I let myself indulge in those precise memories for just a moment longer.