Atuality *editing*

Chapter 3

I decided to go downstairs after all. You know, for Max. And because I don't understand why I was the one to leave the party when everyone else should. It's my house, not theirs.

I sat down on the couch next to Eddie again.

"What was that all about?" he asked.

"What?" I said.

"You blowing up."

"I think it was pretty obvious on why I blew up, don't you think?" I said.

"Well, yeah," he said. "But you've been fine all day. Happy even."

"Does it look like I'm fine or happy?" I asked. "I only did it for the rest of you."

"Don't worry about us," he said.

"I have to," I said.

"No you don't."

"If you knew what I was thinking, you'd understand," I said.

Grandma walked into the living room.

"Chris, go get Ryden down here and get him to play for us," she said. "Its getting kinda boring down here."

I nodded and went upstairs to our room where Ryden was practicing on his piano.

"Ryden, everyone wants you to play for them down stairs," I said.

"Really?" he asked. "Why?"

"The party is getting kind of boring," I said. "We need entertainment."

"I thought you found classical music boring," he said.

"Anything has to be better than that party," I said. "Even classical music. So are you going to play for us out not."

"No," he said, joking around.

"I'm hurt," I said, also joking. "You'd rather us die of boredom."

I stopped talking. Death is a sensitive subject right now and I happened to touch it.

"Yeah pretty much," Ryden said, getting up, walking to the door and down the stairs.

I followed behind him until we got to the piano in the living room.

Ryden went through his sheet music and started playing what he knew by that Beethoven guy.

Everyone seemed to be amazed and enjoyed what he was playing, even if it was the most awful music in the world aside from opera.

I want people to look at me that way. Amazed, happy. I wonder how amazing that would feel.

I thought back to this kid at school. He had a band called illusion. He asked me to join before, but I turned him down because of what was going on with Max.

But now Max is dead. There's no way I could keep my mind on music.

Unless it would actually be a distraction. Maybe that's why Ryden was learning the piano so fast, because it's a distraction from the pain.

I ran to my room and searched through my drawer to find the number that he gave me. I found it and ran into the kitchen, earning some looks from people. But I didn't care.

I picked up the phone and dialed the number. It rang a few times before a man answered it.

"Hello?", he said.

"Hi, I'm Chris," I said. "I was wondering if your son was home."

"Yes he is," he said. "Would you like me to get him?"

Yes, that would be why I asked.

"Yes please," I said.

"Okay hold on," the man said.

About a minute later, his son picked up.

"Hello?", he said.

"Hey, its Chris."

"Oh what's up?" He asked. "How was the funeral?"

"It was a funeral, it's sad," I said getting to the point. "So I thought about it and I changed my mind. I want to be in the band."

"Oh, well, the spot is filled," he said.

"What?"

"It's filled, I'm sorry," he said.

"Jimmy, cant you have two people fill that spot? Just help me out here," I said.

"It's Jensen," he said. "And no, I'm sorry. I'll let you know if another one opens up."

"Okay," I said. "Thanks anyway."

"I'll see around," he said.

I hung up the phone and sat on the counter.

Now what am I going to do? How am I supposed to distract myself now?

Ryden finished playing and everyone started clapping.

After everyone finally left, David started to set up for dinner.

"I'm not hungry," I said.

"Me either," Austin said.

The rest of the boys agreed.

"You guys hardly ate anything this whole week," David said.

"We're just not hungry," Charlie said. "We'll eat tomorrow."

"I'd like it if you ate now," David said. "At least a little bit please."

"Fine," we all said.

We sat down and put a little bit of food on our plate. We didn't eat it though. We just pushed it around on our plate. Only Ryden and Cole ate it.

We knew David wanted us to eat, but we just don't have the appetite for it right now.

It's something that will pass soon, but right now we're too upset to eat.

I looked at Ryden. He's sitting in Alex's seat. I wanted to tell him get off of it. That it wasn't his seat. That he wasn't allowed to there. I finally just excused myself and went to bed.