The First Fifty Pages Of Me by Nailinthewall

The Reasons For The Way I Am

My anger is endless because I'm absoulutely helpless.

My ignorance to certain things is thanks to the fact that I hate the real me and I would rather people hate me for a lie than for who I truly am.

My silence is due to the fact that people don't see me if I'm silent and I want to blend, like the colours on a rainbows canvas.

My obsessions are painful but better than the realities I withhold.

My attitude gives you a reason not to step anywhere near and it calms me.

My lack of expression is due to the fact I'm waiting for you to wrong me or prove me wrong about you.

My hair is long as a result of laziness and I honestly don't give a fuck about the trend of conforming.

My love for music heals and cleanses me but it hurts to play it because it reminds me of the day I cared more about myself than someone else.

My eyes stare into the distance so that I can remake all my memories. 

My hate for humanity is because until I was twelve I hadn't known that bastards, with ugly, stupid hair and a lack of a brain, could make me hate myself for being me.

My sadness is due to the fact that I've lost everything I had previously stood to gain.

My writing is good, considering the fact that I siphon out my one-track-minded emotions to create it, whether they're unattractive or visionary.

My love for literature is only as a result of how it numbs me from how my "horrible" life is.

My closed off attitude is because I'd rather break myself than allow you to twist the last turn of the knife.

My lies are only used to protect but if people really knew how I felt they'd shut the fuck up and rip me from myself.

My screams are silent because my voice is creaky and I don't want to shove my inner turmoil down other peoples throats.

My bitterness is due to the fact no-one helped me in my time of need and the human brain selfishly breeds.

This fucking list goes on and on but I could tell you it all with one look, though you'd have to fucking listen to hear me, and your eyes are the only ones that could give me an embrace that I'd like.