Little girl's strife

memories drift

This is my first story so let me hear your thoughts about it :D 

Enjoy

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childhood ! a period engulfed in love ; passion and innocence . that's what I heard... but it seems that I was a little different, a little unlucky ... how unlucky ! laughter , smiles you can see those everywhere ; but is it real ? how much do you think it is in a world of fake and lies ? are you even sure about what I'm talking about ? well , how can you be when I got my own doubts too?  how can we smile in the dark ? in a cruel world built obove skulls? while breathing this empoisoned hatred? ... you must have undrestood that I'm not usual , I can't see the beauty of the world's rainbows ! it's not like I'm blind or got a sight problem . nahh ! I've never got such a thing ; it 's just maybe because of my pitiful childhood ? curious about it ? 

they says that the most important things to a mother are her children ; mother huh ? what's the meanning of a mother anyway , is it who give birth ?, is it who raises? , does she even exist or did we invent the word in our way of showing off our politic race ? I really do not know anymore ; I did not even know in the first place ! how is it like to have such a thing? nah ; I don't want to know ; I don't need it ; I've already grown up now , well after I think about it maybe I was the main problem as she said ; the woman who I saw when I first opened my eyes :" You are an eye sore , even your existence is a mistake "

maybe you're asking about our dear called father ; who is he ? where he is? ... many questions about a man I've never knew or seen before , I've asked my beloved mama once and I couldn't sleep that night because of the agony and pain I gained ! nah don't feel sad for me I've already endured much more ; physical bruises will fade away in the end and I've my brother beside me who will pat my head ; spell the sorrow and chase it away ! 

he was just 5 years old and I was 7 when we faced the black days all alone ; the most terrifying nights we've ever seen ;the endless dull and the killing doubts,  it started when my mum gathered her things in the old suitcase ; we were watching her but we did not dare to ask her a thing ; she must have got a new boyfriend , I can see the man in front of the house in a fancy car , wow ! is that really a BMW? really cool! the window was high for a child's body like mine so I couldn't really enjoy the watch but, still, I felt excited and wanted to have one ; you know youth dreams never ends ; oh how I love how it sounds ! dreams !yeah! ; even for me, for a troubled child as me I had dreams ; wishs and hopes. to dream ... I almost forgoten how does it feel like but I can remember that it was really good and crazy!