Take Me Away | ✓

» 25

P H O E N I X

I was working the night shift at the Blitz when Chloe came in. Her hair was pulled up in a bun and she was dressed in a thick coat. A thick scarf was wrapped around her neck which she began to pull off as she came up towards the counter.

"Can we talk?"

I looked around the diner but it was mostly empty, just a few people dotted here and there.

"You can't put this off forever." She sighed.

I bit my lip nervously before nodding and abandoning my post. We chose a booth in a secluded corner and sat down.

"So. . . how's cheerleader practice?" I began.

"I came to talk about Matt."

I sucked in a breath, "Okay."

"I know you blame me for the accident and I don't blame you for that." She paused. "I'm sorry. I've said it a million times and I'll say it a million more. You don't know how much I wish I could go back in time so that it was me--

"Chloe."

"I would swap places with Matt in a heartbeat."

"Stop." I rubbed my temple.

"No. I need to say this." There seemed to be a renewed air of confidence about her. "I lie in bed every day, thinking about that night. I remember it as if it was yesterday. Every time imagining a different scenario.

How if one simple thing was different then it might have changed the outcome. If I focused more on the road than on him. If I'd taken a different route than the one I did. If he was the one behind the wheel instead of me then maybe he still would've been alive."

I felt a lump form in my throat. The most natural thing would have been to cry but my eyes remained dry.

"There's nothing more that I regret than that day. I fucked up. Big time. And I don't know how to make things right anymore." She breathed in. "I loved Matt but I love my best friend too and I don't want to see her in pain anymore."

"Why are you like this?" I looked into her eyes. "Why don't you scream or shout at me? Why don't you tell me I've been a bitch to you all this time and that it wasn't your fault?"

She gave me a sad smile. "Some things are worth more than your pride."

At that, I felt the rising anger in my chest extinguish. I realised that Chole had been trying to make things right all this time. It was me that was uncooperative. It made me wonder what kind of friend I was to her, or if I ever was one to her.

In that moment I decided that Chloe deserved better. She had for a long while. And I was the one holding her back.

"I don't. . . I don't know if things will ever be okay between us. But I want to start again." She held my hand and squeezed.

A bitter rejection was at the tip of the tongue but I couldn't get the words out. I was much too selfish to cast Chloe out of my life for good so I did the next closest thing. I did the one thing I was good at and stalled. "I need more time."

Her face fell at that, but she quickly composed herself. "As long as it takes."

I nodded, feeling my chest constrict. Maybe if I kept it up long enough, she'd decide for herself that she didn't want to carry the extra baggage that I was. As for me, I didn't have the heart to push her away if it meant causing more heartbreak. It needed to rest for a while.

She left after that, pulling her coat around her and giving me one last smile. I sat in the booth, alone. I did cry after that. There was no one to wipe my tears away this time.