Take Me Away | ✓

» 23

P H O E N I X

I was drunk on the night of the accident. Tired, incoherent and reckless among other things but that was the one glaring factor that I recalled the next day. My hangover was evidence enough. The toilet bowl was my close ally for the next few days.

I remembered waking up the day before from a pillow being thrown at my head.

"Rise and shine, lazy head."

"What time is it?" I said groggily, eyes still shut.

"5:30."

"Then why the fuck are you waking me up?" I growled and buried my head deeper into my pillow.

"Because you said you wanted to get into shape and I'm tired of you complaining." Matt poked my cheek. "Come on, we can start doing our morning routines again."

It was about a year ago that I'd stopped and began to hide away in my room, tapping away at my computer and experimenting with all the different tracks. Music became my life, the sounds my guidelines and once I'd tuned myself into the world, I didn't want to get back out.

"At least spend some time with me before flying off to New York."

I turned around. "That's not for another two semesters."

"Exactly. Times running out so come on."

"Go away."

Little did I know that he would permanently.

Now, I tried to conjure an image of his features. One that wasn't blurred or altered everytime I thought about him. The thing that terrified me the most was that one day I would forget what he looked like. That he'd disappear altogether. At least now I still had the memory of him. But even that was slowly beginning to fade.

Instead, I saw the walls of the ward we were in and Kaden's feet stretched in front of him.

"Stop doing that." I knocked my knee against his vibrating one.

"What?"

"You're making me nervous."

He looked at his knee then my still one. "I'm not nervous."

I put my palm on his knee to halt it. "Then stay still."

We were close. Very close. Close enough to fall into an embrace. But we didn't. After holding eye contact for a moment longer, he looked away. I let go of his knee, averting my eyes to anywhere but him. The pristine white floors, the endless hallways, the nurses that went by every so often. But even trying to focus on those minuscule details couldn't stop my mind from returning to Kaden.

I didn't have to be here. In the hospital. Waiting. I could have gone home fifteen minutes ago when Dr Andrews had finished talking to me. But I didn't. I stayed. Partially because I didn't want to go home and face my mom, no doubt she'd been informed of my whereabouts of tonight by the doctor-- and the rest because of the boy beside me.

"I'm going to get a soda. Do you want anything?" Kaden asked as he stood up.

I shook my head, watching his back as he disappeared around a corner. For some reason, a terrible feeling settled into my stomach. I remembered a time a few months ago. Or rather reimagined what I would have seen if I were here.

I imagined a gurney with Matt's body being rushed to the ER. Chloe may have been on one too. Maybe she was conscious, maybe she wasn't.

I imagined blood. Thinking back to what I'd seen of Chloe's state and later Matt when he was stitched up but not breathing, I imagined there was a lot of it. It reminded me of the colour of wine. I'd seen it on my kitchen tiles and then more recently on the rug before the front door. I wasn't a big fan of the colour red. Yet, I still drowned myself in a substance of the same hue.