I'm so stuck on you.
I can't sleep.
Your always on my mind.
I don't even understand why.
I guess you just left the strongest impact on me.
I think at one point in the beginning we had such a connection... that you connected with a part of my soul, a part that no one else has touched before.
It felt so nice to be open and happy, not that you define those things, but you made my sun shine a little brighter.
Now when I think about right now, I am happy, but my sun doesn't shine as bright as it used to.
I'm longing for that soul opening connection.
I wonder if people; when they find that connection, they just get scared and they push it away.
Usually that was me, but not with him, I jumped all in with both feet, and put everything I had... all my feelings all my raw emotions.
I couldn't control it.
I can't explain it.
I still can't control it.
And I'm loosing my mind.
A strong craving, that won't go away. And now it's starting to hurt my heart, not a lot but it just aches. My heart is literally aching for him. Aching for his touch, for his kiss... sure, but what I'm really aching for is his mind.
That open person that once shared everything with me.
That stimulating conversation that could seem to go on forever.
Why did it die out?
Where did it go?
My heart aches for that the most.
And I miss you.
Even though I see you once in a while it's not the same, it's all just physical. That awkward conversation about what we've been up to, followed by a burst of intense passion.
A passion I have never felt.
Can't explain.
That passion I feel, makes me feel still connected to that part of you that seems lost now.
It gives me hope knowing part of that is still in you.
I miss all of you.
All of the stimulating conversations, being able to say what's on my mind. Being able to be myself around you, without being afraid of what you'd think.
Now I'm afraid.
I'm afraid to be open.
I'm afraid that one wrong thing and I'll push you away forever.
I think that's why I can't let go, why I always say yes.
I can't resist you, but I am also afraid that if I let go, there won't be a chance to open up that connection again.
I'm afraid that if I let go, I'll loose it forever.
That must be the scariest thing in the world.
Loosing a person who didn't just impact your life but touched your soul.
I wish I wasn't afraid.
I wish I could tell you all of this, just as easily as I used to.
