The pavement was like ice as my bare feet brushed over the black concrete. My breath blew little clouds that looked like smoke with every exhale. My heart beated well over a hundred times a minute. My breathing became more cut and distorted until I slowed and finally came to a stop. My idle body stood shaking trying to regain a normal breath and heartbeat while sweat trickled down the back of my neck. In sync with the sweat, tears streamed down my hot face as I sniffled.
For the moment I didn’t remember why I was crying, where I was or where I wanted to be. But then again, I never really knew much of that. My thoughts returned to less than ten minutes ago:
"Hey mom, can I go to Melissa's tomorrow?" I asked in a soft voice.
"Did you clean your room?" She replied instantly.
"Not yet but I was going to finish it tonight." I said in return.
"I told you to clean it this morning." She said with ice in her every word.
"I'm sorry, I was at school and then I had to finish up my homework." I replied becoming a little impatient.
"What are your grades?" She questioned.
"I have C's and higher in everything but Algebra and science. In both of those I have a solid D." I replied proud of how much effort I have been putting in to my studies.
"Why aren't your grades higher?" She became upset.
"I really am trying to get my grades up." I said sheepishly.
"Well damnit Beth, you need to try harder? Do you ever think you can become a teacher with grades like that?" She yelled.
"I promise I'll try harder, mom." I said feeling water boil in my eyes.
"For God's sake, why are you crying?" She said beyond pissed at me.
"Because I am never good enough for you!" I sobbed violently into the palms of my hands.
"Are those cuts on your wrists?" She asked a little saddened but still screaming in anger.
"Yes they are." I mumbled as quietly as I could. Before I could react, She gripped her hand tightly around my wrist and smacked me across the face. It still stung, no matter how many times she had struck me, it STILL STUNG.
I twisted around in her grip and finally broke free, grabbing nothing on the way out, I ran through the door.
My thoughts return to the present time and I realized I was starting to sob harder than before. Looking around, I noticed I was in front of a playground. I walked down the tiny hill and let my feet touch the hard mulch that was jabbing into the soles of my feet. Slowly, I climbed up the steps of the wooden playground toy. One of the sections was a tube just long enough for me to lay down in. I turned my phone off to save some of the battery life and closed my heavy eyelids.
YOU ARE READING
The Diary of a Social Outcast
Teen FictionBeth is starting college and she is about to open up about being bisexual to her school. She already is an outcast for self harm but she honestly is tired of not being able to tell her mates about the girls she fancies. Her mom already treats her po...
