The Diary of a Social Outcast

Part thirteen: The Emptiness

I spent the next few days alone in my room feeling lost and abused with a tear in my heart as long as a canyon. As the days went on, the missed calls from Keith ran thinner and thinner and even though I didn't want to hear from him, I still hurt to know that he was getting over me. I wondered if he even thought about me much these days- if he looked through his dressers and missed my clothes or if he hated setting a table for one... or was he? From the looks of his Facebook he may have had someone else by now.

He made me feel worthless, betrayed, unlovable... as if I would never be good enough for anyone. I felt as if I was the most miserable human being to ever exist when in fact, he was. The Earth was shattering around me along with the plates my mother through at me that just hit the wall at my side. But I did not move, hoping that maybe the physical pain of my mother's regret to have a child would make me feel better about how I was used.

I decided that this would be the end of me suffering alone in my house, I would go somewhere to try and get better. I heard about a partial hospitalization program for teenagers that have various mental disorders and decided to check myself in.

The first time that I went to the large building, I went to the third floor to meet with a therapist to see if the program would be right for me. We talked a little about how poorly my mother and I got along but then quickly turned the conversation to Keith and how empty he made me feel. That day I was guaranteed a spot in the program to start the following day.

I struggled to keep my breathing even, sucking in quick, sharp breaths. A woman introduced me to a room full of people who were anywhere between thirteen and seventeen years old. I looked around the room which had a computer desk, five small tables, a long table and a medium sized desk for the teacher. There was a tiny girl at a mostly empty table. She had black long bangs that nearly covered her eyes. She had a blue hat with a creature from an anime on it and a long blue tail to match it.There was another girl who had brown, wavy hair and a yellow septum ring. Another table had a small and skinny boy with wide eyes who was younger than the rest of us.

At the computer desk sat another guy who was only a month younger than me. He had straight, dirty blonde hair with a fringe. He wore a grey striped beanie and glasses. Everyday he wore a black Northface coat over his shirt and sometimes over two shirts. His name was Tyler.Tyler would should me pictures he edited on the the computer which would make me laugh. The teacher would then tell us to quiet down and we would have to suppress our giggles.

A sun kissed girl with brown hair that was tinted red sat alone at the long table in the back of the room. She worked on her math test and asked the teacher a thousand questions. I spent most of my time silently writing poetry for no one to read. After school was snack. I grabbed a vanilla pudding cup and sat beside the girl with the black hair and the girl with the yellow septum ring. I wanted to sit next to Tyler but by the time I picked out my snack, there was a person sitting on either side of him. We all ate and talked about things such as the music we liked and our other interests.

"What's your favorite band?" Tyler asked.

"Get Scared or Issues." I replied.

"Do you like the band Of Mice & Men?" A girl with glasses asked.

"I only like two songs by them." I answered honestly.