It's funny 'cause it's true

23- "Jerry Seinfeld's disgusting little brother"

Dear everyone,

Now picture this scene. I said goodbye to my friend, Rosie, as I led Alexis in the cab. Then I sat next to her and Alexis told the cab driver her address. Rolling down the window, we waved at our friend as the cab drove off. After that I rolled it up again and we were just laughing, talking about the moments at the get-together, some highlights, and just having fun. She'd joke about Chris and Tony's idiocy about the puzzle and their ironic sentences, then I'd tell her they've always been like that since high school. I also told her that I've been earning a lot of money from my comedy career and that I'm hoping it improves. She expressed her optimism, saying I could do it if Jerry Seinfeld did it. "I'm no Seinfeld," I remarked, "I'd be Seinfeld's disgusting little brother", to which she laughed. Laughing together, we locked eyes and stopped. As soon as our laughter faded, our sexual tension increased.

"Max," she said under her breath.

"Alexis," I muttered. I closed my eyes and went forward. Next thing I know I was making out with her at the backseat of the taxi. The driver just said, "not again..Kids these days," in disgust.

We were French kissing at the back of the car. She stripped her clothes, I stripped mine. I whipped my dick out and I entered her. I was on top of her, I was fucking her missionary style. She was laying her back against the soft fart-scented seat, feeling the endless pleasure down her vagina, moaning like there was no tomorrow. And I was grunting every thrust I did. I was enjoying it as well. Then the scene faded. I woke up from that sex dream.

I realized I was in my room, lying on my bed, with jizz in my jeans and sweat on my t-shirt. I woke up, gasping for breath, feeling more exhausted than before. "Ah, fuck," I said. "Goddamn it. God-fucking-damn it." I'm not sure whether I was disappointed that I jizzed all over my pants or that my intimate moment with Alexis was just a dream. I felt like I just shitted myself, you know. I didn't even know it's possible to cum while you're asleep. Maybe that's just how sexually frustrated I am, I guess. It's been really long since the last time I fucked a woman.

I went out again that night before my show. I usually did this. I'd stroll around the city to examine the people around me. This is how I developed my "don't judge first" trait. The more I walked around, the more I learned about things that people don't often see. One time I discovered a hot dog vendor is a pedophile. He'd usually sell hot dogs near the park so he could have the view of the children. He never fucked a kid, he just loved observing them and thinking of them whenever he'd jack off. That's what guys do too. To women, that is. Not all of us are pedophiles. And I suggest that's what potential rapists should do too. Instead of raping people, you know, why not just think of them when you jerk off? Wouldn't life be simple if we just fantasize of things rather than putting them into action? Wouldn't it be great if ISIS just fantasized of ruling the world instead of doing something about it? Lesson here is, just don't pursue your dreams....because they might be fucking demented.

I was around the city, strolling, like I said I was. And I came across this zoo where, at the entrance, there were three fellas in anthropomorphic animal costumes, taking pictures with kids and their parents upon their entrance. The zoo wasn't named. There was just a sign at the front without any words in it. Anyway, I stopped where I was standing and observed. The first animal was a zebra, the second was a lion, and the third one was a white tiger. Kids were taking photos with them, as well as the parents. Then the lion mascot started humping the tiger. Weirdly, the parents were not minding this. They were still taking photos and enjoying it. The kids, too. Nobody found that weird at all. The zebra also joined the party and knelt down, gesturing a blowjob at the lion, holding up an invisible dick from its crotch and rocking its head back and forth. The zebra was giving the lion a blowjob while the tiger was behind the lion, fucking its ass.