Girl Psycho

Not who he seems (Hope)

I needed a boyfriend.

That box had remained unticked for far too long now, and having a boyfriend is a box that needed ticking when you're trying to blend in like I am. Because having a boyfriend is an accessory as essential as carrying a school bag (and probably about as interesting as a school bag too)

My last boyfriend had at least furnished me with one of those quintessential teen experiences, and I am all about having the right teen experiences at the right time. The key to acting normal is accumulating as many normal experiences as possible, having them, living them, and then wearing them like some kind of badge to the world...

So at least I had gotten something out of my last relationship with Tyler. Tyler Turner... isn't that the kind of name that screams something. I bet several stereotypical images of 'a Tyler' came to mind at the mere suggestion of that name. And you would probably all be right in the stereotypical assumption of a teen named Tyler Turner.

But Tyler gave me my first heartbreak. My first big break-up. I could have won an Oscar for the subsequent performance that had followed. Tears, a little yelling into the phone. Misery, anger, bargaining and many long phone calls crying to my BFF's about him. I'd caught him 'cheating' you see. He had been messaging a chick he'd met on Facebook and the little hussy had gotten rather forward when she'd sent him some revealing pictures.

I'd found the pictures on his phone and confronted him. Pictures are pretty easy to find when you're expecting to find them. I'd confronted him in a very public moment and then lapsed into teenage girl angst and misery.

What he didn't know - poor Tyler- was that I'd just gotten way too bored of playing his girlfriend. Even perfect Hope had gotten bored of him, and that's when I decided to friend him;

Bibi, brunette, brazen and into sexting the night away. It's amazing what a few carefully lit angles and a brown wig can do. Honestly, the most fun I had had with him was as Bibi. I quite liked her actually, she was far more outspoken than Hope and as dirty as hell. I've kept her profile, she might come in handy again one day.

So I've set my attentions on Matt. Like a lioness might do, I've circled him, watched from the shadows, assessed him and I've determined that he is perfect BF material, i.e Popular, hot and totally mainstream. He is perfect for Hope and I think she can definitely fall in love with him.

Recess... I approach. I make sure I look coy. I make sure I've told my friends what I'm doing so I have an audience and so my whole grade will know soon that Matt and I are dating. I creep up to him, he's alone at his locker and it's the perfect time to pounce.

"Hey, Matt." I say. My voice a mixture of cute innocence, with undertones of seduction. But I do not get the reaction I am expecting- at all. In fact, nothing could have prepared me for the reaction that followed. Few things throw me. Few things surprise me, especially about our predictable species, homo sapien.

But everything about this encounter caught me off guard.

Matt turned slowly upon hearing my voice. I had been expecting a smile, a look, something to tell me he had seen me, and noticed me and thought I was hot. But there was nothing. Instead he looked at me with a vacant look that I couldn't read. I can always read people's looks.

"Hope, right?" His tone was strange. What the hell was that?

"Hi."

"What's up?" He's not even looking at me when he says it.

I am officially confused. I don't get confused.

"Hey, I was just... um...you know...." Maybe if I push the coy girl vibe, he'll take the bait. He does not and just cuts me off.

"Sorry, but I need to get to the library." He walks off without so much as a glance back at me. Maybe if I had real feelings, I would have been hurt. I watch him as he walks away and then he stops. He stops dead in his tracks and he turns around, slowly. He faces me. He looks at me. And then... then, his face breaks out into a strange, slow languid smile. It spreads across his face. His eyes lock onto mine and he stares. I stare back, not caring to break the eye contact while trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

What does that smile of his mean? It is somehow cold. Calculated. And there is meaning in it, I just don't understand it.

His smile grows and then he gives a small nod. It is a knowing nod. A nod that seems to convey a very clear message... I know you.

I feel a slight stab of something... panic? It is an unfamiliar feeling and I can't make sense of it. He turns and walks away and I realize that no one has ever looked at me like that before. It is as if he sees me.

How is that possible? No one sees me. No one knows what I am. Who I am and what I do. But there is something in his smile, the coldness of those blue eyes that tells me that this is the closest anyone has ever been to knowing what I am.

Who the fuck is this guy? He is not who he seems.