Misery (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 2

(A/N: please fan me, vote, comment, etc. Trying to get 100 reads because I love writing this story and I rlly want people to enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. xx)

Harry's P.O.V.

Harry wasn't lying when he told Zayn that he aspired to get over his social fears, and he wasn't lying to himself when he admitted that he needed to get out of his shell and get better and be happy.

But that night, when Harry was watching several movies, he paid close detail to the social interactions and to how happy some people were despite occurrences in the past and he was convinced he could never be like that. The scars on his biceps and hips served as a cruel reminder, but then there was the cruel reminder that he put them there himself because he was such a coward.

"Up!" Zayn's word was muffled by the paintbrush in he held in his mouth.

"Don't tell me what to do," Harry snarled, still cocooned in his sheets.

"Harry...? Are you alright?" Zayn turned around to look at him which made Harry want to turn his neck the other way and tell Zayn to give up on him; he was a lost cause.

"Why should I get up? I've got nothing to live for, Zaynie. Nothing. My life sucks!"

"Whose fault is that?" Zayn's utter seriousness and concern kind of freaked Harry out because Zayn's voice usually had benevolence unlike now. "Harry. Do you know why people have depression and end up in a knot on a rope attached to their ceiling fan? Because they don't let themselves be happy!"

Harry turned his body away from Zayn, feeling himself shrink into the covers with fear that Zayn might actually walk away.

"Harry, people are depressed because their lives are depressing. They live the same old thing every single day with no variety until the life is sucked out of them," Zayn continued to speak, angrily, "I suck at statistics but I know for a fact that three quarters of those suicides wouldn't have occurred if those people didn't sit around feeling sorry for themselves. If they tried to do something out of their comfort zone, something new, something that made them happy, they'd be here!"

"What the fuck's that got to do with me?" Harry finally sat up, and for the first time ever he was pissed at Zayn.

"You," Zayn was so close that they were nose to nose, "are depressed, Styles. I may be dumb but I'm not blind. I see..." Zayn's voice cracked, "I see all the signs that you show, they're hard to miss. I'm not ever giving up on you. I'm your friend. And I'm going to help you."

"I'm not..." Harry wanted to say depressed but he couldn't. That would be a huge, fat lie. "What do you expect from me Zaynie? What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to promise that you'll come with me today. To the cafeteria to sit with Liam and Niall. And that we will go to the cafeteria right now for some coffee and breakfast. No studying. Just making friends with Louis," Zayn said firmly, like he wasn't going to give up, "promise you'll try to get better. Promise me you'll march down there with me and be friends with Louis."

"I don't remember what happiness feels like because I feel it only occasionally and it fades quickly," Harry sighed, "I want to feel it Zayn. I promise."

********
"Zaynie?"

"Yeah?"

"Can..." Harry sighed, "can you not make me the entire focus of the conversations? Just talk like you would and I'll jump in whenever."

"Sure thing, bitch."

"I feel like I'm using him," Harry shook his curls out of his head and placed them strategically into a beanie.

"No. You're not. You're trying to be his friend. Yeah, that's a huge advantage for you but you're not going to hurt him."

Harry nodded and walked out of their dorm behind a somewhat eager and hopeful Zayn.

********
"Where is everyone?" Zayn scanned the almost empty cafeteria and wrinkled his nose in confusion.

"Nobody comes here this early in the morning, that's why I do," Harry explained.

"Lads," a high pitched, gleeful voice greeted, and Harry knew it was Louis because Harry couldn't forget the voice of a person who told him to 'swing by more often' rather than give him a look of judgement. Harry would've taken the weird glare over a friendly gesture because he wasn't used to getting those, leaving him inexperienced.

"Louis, I'm Zayn!"

"The one and only! Sit, it's so good to meet you finally," Louis pulled out a couple chairs in one of the tables, "Ni and LiLi won't shut their mouth about you, man."

"Same about you, Louis. You seem like quite a bloke," Zayn chuckled, taking his seat and shoving Harry into his own.

Louis looked at Harry with that sparkle in his eye. "Harold.. If I'm not mistaken? From yesterday right?"

Harry mentally took a breath of relief. If Louis didn't even remember his name then he was just being polite yesterday. "Harry," he corrected, trying not to make direct eye contact so he wouldn't panic.

"Right. What can I get you two?" Louis got up and took two coffee cups in his hands. Harry noticed how small Louis' hands were. They were dainty and kind of adorable.

"Louis I think I'll just... I think I'll make it myself. I mean, if that's okay. Like.. If it's not okay, you make it. It's just that I-"

"Harry," Zayn whispered behind him, "breathe."

Louis punched Harry playfully in the shoulder and Harry tried to ignore the fact that Louis, out of intention, hit his scars. It didn't hurt it just felt weird.

"You're never going to give me a break for yesterday are you?" Louis laughed, "It's cool mate. Here," he slid the cup over to Harry and Harry proceeded to make his cup of joe while Louis and Zayn were laughing about something. Harry feared for a second that they were talking about him, but he brushed away that thought and tried to put full focus on the cup of coffee because he didn't want to do something klutzy.

Harry saw from his peripheral vision how friendly Louis was. Yesterday, they had only talked for five to ten minutes, and he was talking like they were old buddies. He was so happy looking, and judging by the uncontrolled laughter from Zayn's mouth, funny.

Harry could never make Zayn laugh like that. And Zayn literally just met Louis. Louis was quite the charmer. Harry aspired to be like him, to be giggling all the time and to have conversations with people he didn't know. But that was a long way down.

Harry took back his seat and tried not to pay attention to how Louis was staring at him. Self consciousness creeped up on him. What was Louis looking at? He looked at his pink shirt with fading letters that read "Aeropostale" that he got from New York. Was it too gay? His pants were ass hugging and skinny as hell. Maybe he looked too queer.

"You okay?" Louis whispered to him when Zayn left for the restroom.

"Mmm hmm," Harry nodded, his foot tapping, and biting the inside of his cheek.

"You seem so, so uncomfortable. Did I say something-"

"No, no you didn't I'm okay just," Harry paused, "I uh... I'm nervous for this erm... This test I have," he lied.

"What course?"

"Bio-chemistry. And I also have one in astrophysics."

Louis bit his lip and Harry couldn't but notice the soft pinkness of them. "Oh um cool? I guess."

Harry chuckled. "I probably sound like a boring nerd or something now."

"No," Louis said almost immediately, "no. You like science?"

"Yeah. I don't see a future with it or anything but I enjoy the course," Harry smiled. He actually liked how easy it was to talk to Louis; the anxiety had died down a little bit. Louis's friendliness and outgoingness sort of lingered around him and for a second, just a second, Harry thought it'd be okay.

"I take theater and drama. I'm into the arts," Louis said with a frown.

"Why is that bad?" Harry asked.

"It makes me seem like a stereotype."

Harry knew what Louis was talking about. He was talking about the gay stereotype. Theater and art wasn't "manly" or whatever, and Louis considered himself as a gay walking stereotype.

"Are you kidding?" Harry said with a laugh, "You are on the football team and you have tattoos and you're very manly."

Louis smiled. "So when did you come out of the closet?"

Harry's eyes widened with fear and his heart was beating out of his rib cage. Was he really that obvious?

"C'mon mate, I've known who I was since I wasn't even in double digits, I can sense it," Louis guffawed. He had a very nice and genuine laugh.

"Um, I don't have that many people to come out to, so it wasn't that big a deal," Harry felt suddenly anxious again, like he was going to say something stupid.

"Y'alright?"

"Yeah, yeah. You're really amazing. I thought I'd tell you that. Coming out in a homophobe environment, I don't know just..." Harry smiled weakly and got up with his coffee to leave. He let fear get the best of him again. It was going great until coming out was mentioned. Those horrible events that followed coming out, those horrible things that triggered Harry's social anxiety and depression could not be talked about.

Harry felt the anger and pain and hatred coursing through his veins. He kicked his books off the duvet and screamed into his pillow.