Misery (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 23

Hello there! It's about time I updated.

(Harry's P.O.V.)

Harry had spent that entire night, and the rest of the day at Lou's dorm while the lads stayed at Harry and Zayn's. So many times, Harry wanted to wake up from the cuddly spooning and get that razor mainly for the sheer feeling he got from it. But he had to try for Louis. It wasn't going to work and he knew it, but he had to make Louis think that he was trying.

Louis was still fast asleep and it was 10 AM. Harry loved being under Louis's warm arm but he needed to get up and get ready. There were no classes today but he couldn't just lay around.

He gently pushed Lou's arm off of him and went to Lou's desktop to check his email, to see if there were any from Gemma or Mum. He hadn't talked to either of them since the wedding was mentioned.

As he clicked on chrome to go to G-Mail, he saw all of the frequent activity tabs on the home screen.

What is self harm? The basics- http://www....

Coping mechanisms for self harm- http://www....

Why do people self harm?- www.google.com/why+do+people+self+harm

How to stop self harming?- http://google.com/how+to+stop+self+harming

The list went on, all the sites were pages from professors at universities that had psychology courses. Did Louis really do all of this for him? Harry felt a pang of guilt as he scrolled through Lou's history. Louis had skipped almost two days worth of classes just to learn about Harry's issues. He glanced at the notepad on the computer stand, the lines filled with notes about self harm and social anxiety and post traumatic stress.

This was unjust. Louis was spending days trying to help Harry and all Harry did was spend a half hour looking for good psychologists. For fuck sake, Harry wouldn't even let Louis see his scars. He didn't even fully trust Louis with keeping this a secret.

Harry didn't even know he was crying until he felt a teardrop on his chin. He was going to care for Louis too and make it his full responsibility to make sure Louis got rid of is problem. But what could Harry do? Suck him off more until his cock fell off? It wouldn't help. Making Louis feel good lasted for maybe an hour but then he went back to a self loathing ball of insecurities.

"Hazza?" Louis said groggily.

Harry wiped his eyes and turned around. "Morning, love."

"Why are you crying? Are you okay? Did you cut? It's okay you can tell me!"

Harry let out a weak, wet chuckle. "You really spent that much time on trying to help me?"

Louis bit his lip. "Oh, um..." He blushed, "yeah, I did."

"I've been an asshole lately. I'm sorry Louis. I've been telling you that you can't help and doubting you and letting my arrogance get in the way of your good intentions. You had every reason to take away my blades. And you know what Lou? I'm really going to try. To stop, I'm going to stop one day, for you," Harry pulled his boyfriend into a tight hug.

The lad was obviously really touched by it because Harry could feel little wet stains forming where Louis buried his face.

"Lou, are you.... Crying?" Harry asked with a little chuckle.

"Thanks so much."

"It won't be easy," Harry warned, but Louis obviously didn't care. Harry wanted to say more but he couldn't break this perfect silence they had.

*_*

Harry got out of Liam's car after going out for a beer with him. He needed to first clear his mind of bullshit before entering back into the bullshit filled zone of getting over an addiction as severe as self harm behaviors.