Misery (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 15

(A/N: This is a very intense and important chapter. Pay close attention xxx)

Also, there are a few homophobic slurs.. And please note that I despise the word fag and whatnot and I'm totally for LGBT rights. All slurs are only for the purpose of the story.


(Harry's P.O.V.)

Harry's anxiety hadn't gotten too much better. The symptoms were a lot, A lot less, but the anxiety was still there. Harry realized that it wasn't only the medication that was helping him. It was also Louis. Louis made him feel special for some reason, the way he wanted to help and how he didn't even care about Harry's problem. Harry kind of liked him from the beginning, hence the way he felt comfortable around him.

He started realizing it when him and Louis didn't hang out as much as they used to. They still waved, talked at lunch, and joked. Of course there was the trip to each others' dorms. However, it still wasn't what it used to be. When Louis was around Harry with absolutely no awkwardness, Harry felt safe and happy. He still somewhat felt like that but as soon as there was a knowing glance exchanged between the two of them, everything would change and Harry ended up leaving or vice versa.

Everybody was insanely worried and suspicious. Harry could tell by the way Zayn practically squealed when Harry said he was going to Lou's dorm, and the way Niall and Liam would pull Zayn away to talk privately, and the conversation consisted of many angry and confused whispers.

Harry knew that the kiss/grinding/ whatever the fuck had to be brought up. Zayn told him repeatedly how silly it was to freak out like a thirteen year old over a kiss. He reminded Harry every morning that kisses between 'dude friends' was completely normal. But Harry knew how much passion Louis put into that kiss. He replayed the incident in his head over and over, longing for the feeling of Louis's plush lips again. Harry wasn't innocent though. He put in just as much heart into that kiss as Louis did.

It wasn't the fact that they kissed. It was the fact that both of them kind of liked each other, Harry could tell. But they were both afraid to act on it.

A week had passed. Then two. Harry finally put his foot down and decided that he would regain his friendship with Louis.

{To: Louis Tomlinson

Louis, hang out after your game maybe? :/ xx }

His phone buzzed.

{From: Louis Tomlinson

Sorry mate. I can't hang out off campus today, so much footie practice! :((( I won't get back in time. Meet me on the field though. x }

Harry frowned. Louis was obviously avoiding him. But since it was Louis, Harry gave in and headed to the field.

*****************

"Louis?" Harry called. "Lou...?"

A couple of seconds passed before he got a response. "Here," Louis called back. Harry scanned the field in search of him. He was up in the bleachers. Harry ran up there, trying not to trip over any balls on the ground.

"Hey," Harry tried to hide his grin. His heart thumped, his body felt like jelly, and his face went pink. Talking to someone he fancied was the epitome of socially feared situations.

"Sit," Louis patted a space next to him, "the field is empty. I hate going into the locker room. I get this paranoia that I might see a fit boy and get hard."

Harry knew it was preposterous to feel jealous at that statement. Louis was a joker, and that was one of the many reasons Harry fancied him. It was just a joke, hopefully. But Harry still flushed and bit his lip in envy of what Louis considered a 'fit boy.'

"Yeah," Harry forced a laugh. "Um..." Harry played with his hair and bit the inside of his cheek, "when are you free to hang out?"

Louis smiled. "A night together has been long overdue right?"

Harry nodded immediately.

"Well tomorrow we can. Harry..." Louis's voice trailed off.

Harry felt like his heart was beating so fast it would stop. Screw butterflies in the stomach, these were goddamn termites. "Hmm?"

"We are being stupid."

Harry felt faint and dizzy from the buzzing thoughts in his head that considered what he might mean. "Wh- what do you mean..?"

"You know what I'm talking about," Louis chuckled nervously, "it was only a kiss. And we're college boys. Not schoolgirls. We're good?"

Only a kiss. Only a kiss. How could he say that? Did he not realize how full of emotion it was? Did it not feel as good to him?

"Harry, it was nothing. It meant nothing. I get horny and needy when I'm drunk," Louis laughed, "we're good?" he asked again.

Harry felt his fantasies of Louis admitting his feelings being crushed into a pulp. He wanted to cry. He simply nodded at Louis and forced himself to smile widely to convince Louis that he was okay.

But as he turned away from Louis, and he walked away, the tears came quickly before he could even leave the field.

***************

Harry's long legs made it hard for him to sit down in the shower. This was his third shower today. Thank God Zayn was on a date with Perrie for at least five hours because Harry needed to hurt himself.

He opened up the plastic Baggie with his razors under the sink. They were all plastic and cheap and perfect for self harm.

This was the first time that Harry's self harm had absolutely nothing to do with anything in his past. It had nothing to do with feeling anxious and making a fool of himself.

He looked at the blood dripping down his arm. Why would he do anything related to relationships when they never ended well for him? Nothing ever worked out for him, ever. And somehow he kept finding himself back at the root of the problem, being too naïve to walk away.

**************

Another week had passed with Harry and Louis still having awkward issues with each other. Sure, they talked it out and said it was nothing. But Harry didn't want it to be nothing.

"Zaynie?"

Zayn spit out his toothpaste and yelled, "Yeah?"

"I need to talk to someone..."

Zayn came out of the bathroom instantly, because whenever Harry wanted to talk about something, he was so happy that Harry was going to be open.

"Harry, Harry why are you crying babe?" Zayn asked, running his fingers through Harry's wavy hair.

"Sorry," Harry muttered, "I like Louis a lot."

Zayn didn't look surprised or shocked at all. He just simply nodded. "Funny. Last week I was having this conversation with Louis. He was whining about how you probably didn't fancy him."

Harry's face lit up. "Really?"

"I shouldn't have told you. But I'm tired of hearing you two complain about how this isn't mutual because I can't take it! It's like I'm caught in between... I don't know," Zayn pressed a little kiss to Harry's head. "You need to talk it out. Louis isn't as macho as you think. He's just as scared as you."

Zayn adjusted his robe and walked back into the bathroom to finish brushing his teeth. No way in hell that Harry would come clean to Louis. It wasn't happening. But this emptiness was killing him.

**************

Zayn had left to go to art with Perrie. Harry finished combing his hair and getting ready for classes which started in over a few hours. He had time.

He opened his little case of pills. He stared for a while at the colorful tablets that didn't do much to help. Sure, they eliminated some symptoms like dizziness and they relaxed his nerves a bit, but the most they did was make him so sleepy that he didn't have the energy to get jittery and anxious.

Was he really this desperate for Louis? He remembered Dr. Tomlinson's instructions. One pill every morning. Just that one pill was enough to make him too sleepy to do anything. But maybe taking two or more of them would get rid of his anxiety and not only the symptoms?

He popped one in, gulping down water so he didn't gag. He stared at the little circular tablet in his palm, contemplating. He thought of Louis nodding and saying the feeling was mutual and eventually go out with him and kiss him every day.

He popped it in.

And after that, he popped in another just to be safe.

****************

It took half an hour for the effect to kick in, given the extra dose. Then after another half hour, Harry's body was poisoned by the three doses. It wasn't drowsiness or sleepiness. It was the utter urge to pass out, to just lose consciousness. It was too strong and Harry couldn't fight it off. But he had to. He grabbed on to the walls. Louis was coming out of the shower with a towel around his waist.

Wow, he was fit.

Harry watched, his vision blurred but he could still see. Louis was pulling on his Rolling Stones shirt and a pair of nice jeans. And he spotted Harry.

"Hazza!" he called.

Harry's heart would've raced if he didn't have a strong drug coursing through his veins.

"Louis... I need to tell you something," he said when Louis was feet away.

"Harry, oh my god! What the fuck happened? You look like you're going to pass out! Lets get you to hospital!"

Harry chuckled. "I took three pills instead of one. But I need to tell you something-"

"Why did you take three pills! Harry they're extremely sedative and dangerous oh god! I'm calling an ambulance-"

"Just listen okay? I..." Harry had a lump so strong in his throat that it physically hurt to speak. "I fancy you..."

"Hey, we'll discuss this later okay? Please just cooperate here?" Louis caressed his cheek, trying to get him to stand up straight.

"I like you and I care about you and you're so sweet," Harry continued.

"Sssh, Harry, relax okay mate?"

"I will when you give me a good response," Harry pursed his lips, looking Louis in the eyes.

Louis stopped in his tracks. He smiled at Harry, brushing his falling hair back up into it's quiff-like state. "I do Harry. I do fancy you too. A lot. I'm sorry I didn't come forward..."

"Can I kiss you?" Harry asked, wanting so badly to feel Lou's lips on his one more time. Harry felt himself practically falling asleep.

"Oh," Louis looked like he was about to cry, "not here," he whispered into Harry's ear, "but I'll kiss you as much as you want later okay? Okay. Lets go to your dorm."

*****************

"Mum he took two pills and not one! He's like dying here! The patient can wait!" Louis cried. Harry smirked at his melodrama, sipping the cool water that Louis gave him. He laughed to himself at how Lou's dorm was back to its beer bottle on the floor, mud every where state. How he managed to tell Louis? Not a clue.

"Okay mummy. Okay."

Louis cupped Harry's cheeks with his little hands, looking worried as fuck. He rubbed Harry's cheekbone with his thumb and brushed excess hair off of his face. "Why did you do this to me Harry? God. If you ever scare me like this again.... I swear I'll kill you."

Harry laughed. "I missed you though. It was worth it."

"No it was not! Don't ever... If you need to talk then we talk okay? You can trust me with anything because I won't leave you. No matter what it is," Louis whispered into his ear. There was no space between the two of them. They were pressed together like there was glue in-between them.

"What'd your mum say?"

"Sleep. That's all. It'll get better by the time you wake."

"Louis?"

"Yeah, Haz?"

"Kiss me goodnight?"

Louis chuckled and nodded. He leaned forward and pressed his plush lips into Harry's, feeling so sweet. Harry felt so close to him.

He closed his eyes after Louis pulled away.

"Sleep, babe. I'll be right here next to you okay? Sweet dreams."

*_*_*_*_*_*_*


"You have no right to make me feel uncomfortable in my own home, Harry!" Rich folded his arms, giving Harry a cold, deadly glare. Where were Mum and Gemma? He couldn't be alone with Rich for long.

"I'm sorry sir, I'm sorry, but it's not my choice..." Harry whined, trying to choke back the tears of fear.

"I offered to take you to Reverend Steve so he can help with your disease. You said no."

Harry bit his lip. He felt his 14 year old body shrinking when he was next to Rich. He was taller than Rich and could squish him if he really intended to. This stout, rich man had been causing trouble in the Styles household ever since he started dating Mum.

"I want you out of here!" He shouted, "You and your homosexual, sinful ass don't belong in this house. You are a disgrace to The Lord."

"Sir," Harry wanted to fight back so badly, but he couldn't. "Where will I go? I am only fourteen years old!"

"You are not to talk to me. You are not to be in the same room as me," Rich's words cut like knives.

"My mum will be furious with you," Harry sobbed.

"You are not to tell your mother about this," Rich ordered, "she is in love with me. I have brought your family out of their financial problems. I pay for Gemma to go to university. I will fund her medical school as well. Are you really so much of a disgrace that you will take away your family's joy?"

Harry shook his head vigorously. Rich had hated him since day one. He hated the way his grades weren't amazing like Gemma, he hated the way Harry couldn't play football or do anything manly. He thought Harry was good for nothing. But one thing Harry never did was tell mum. Mum was so in love with Rich and if she found out she'd be heartbroken and with financial problems she couldn't handle.

Harry gulped as Rich inched closer with a clenched fist. Rich's knuckles pounded against Harry's stomach, making him wheeze and double over. Rich slapped his cheek, stinging his skin. Being gay did not help the relationship they shared.

"Please don't hit me! Please I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm a faggot!"


Comment if you like the update. I kinda need nice comments right now, sighhhhh.