Misery (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 21

(Louis POV)

The alarm sounded on Louis's phone, but he was already awake, he just couldn't move because he was under Harry's arm and it was a feeling he didn't want to let go of.

He had been staring at Harry for quite some time and it took every fiber of his being to control the urge he had to roll up Harry's short sleeves and the rim of his shirt and brush his lips along the scars. He wanted to kiss Harry's scars. It was cheesy and cliché but he didn't care.

"Mmm," Harry shifted a little, "Lou?"

"Goodmorning sleepyhead," Louis grinned widely, rubbing his nose against Harry's, as if asking for a kiss.

"Lou! I didn't brush yet, that's gross," Harry laughed, tickling his side.

Louis squealed, swatting Harry's hand away. "Sleep good?"

"Great, actually. Louis?"

"Yeah babe?"

"Did you really mean it when you said that... That you love me? You weren't just trying to get me to agree to let you try whatever impossible, preposterous idea you had?" Harry's eyes were sad, it was like he was capable of frowning just with his green orbs.

"Of course I meant it. And I also meant that I'm going to fix you," Louis stole a quick kiss with him, morning breath tasting terrible, but Harry's lips plush and sweet.

Harry scoffed. "You know you can't right? Why do you have this false hope?"

Louis pouted. "Why're you being so meeeeaaaaan?"

"I'm not. I just don't think you can help me, " Harry sat up, Louis almost whimpering at the loss of contact between them.

"I don't think you can help me feel good about being gay," Louis shrugged, "that's not possible but you haven't stopped."

Harry's big hand trailed over the bulge in Louis's pajama bottoms. "If you weren't gay would you get this?" Harry asked with a toothy grin.

"Harry! No! Zayn's asleep right the fuck there," Louis laughed quietly, pointing to Zayn.

"So...? Fuck him," Harry hovered over Lou, his pink plush lips grazing Lou's chest tattoo.

Louis felt himself getting hard under Harry's hand. Harry's hand was huge, and Louis knew the shape of every finger, every single callous. He laughed at Harry's expression.

"Harry," Louis whined, "you suck."

Harry winked suggestively.



Zayn tossed and turned a little bit on his bed. Louis had to cover his mouth with his hand to stifle his laughter. Harry was already fiddling with the tie on Louis's pajama bottoms and Louis wanted it so bad but that would just be inappropriate.

"Get off!" Louis laugh- whispered.

"Okay, I'll get you off."

"No!" Louis wiggled away from Harry's touch. "You can do this later okay, I would really love that."

Harry rolled his eyes. " 'Course you would."

Louis got up and Harry got a good laugh as he walked strangely towards the door. Louis stuck his tongue out playfully.

"Good luck making it to your dorm with that obscene tent in your pants," Harry winked, walking towards the bathroom.

Oh shit.

The bathroom.

The bathroom.

Louis bit his lip "W-What are you doing?"

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Gonna take a shower?"

Louis nodded and continued to walk out the door. He couldn't get the image of Harry and the self harm in the shower out of his mind. Now his boyfriend was going to do it again, and Louis knew about it which made him feel so terrible inside. But he knew Haz wouldn't stop just like that. It would take lots of time.

**************

"Why're you late?" Liam asked, a bit concerned. He tied the strings of his shorts tighter while kicking the dirt with his cleats.

"Was with my boyfriend," Louis wanted to tell Liam about Harry's problem so terribly. Liam would have all the right things to say to him and sweet little pep talks.

"Really? You weren't on those gay forums reading depressing stories about people coming out and becoming depressed?"

Louis raised an eyebrow at his friend.

"Borrowed your laptop. When you search stuff like that you should really clear your browsing history," Liam swung an arm around Louis consolingly. Liam's consoling always built Louis's confidence but it'd sooner or later get knocked down anyway.

"S'not like it was porn!"

Liam looked sadly into Lou's eyes. Liam adjusted the cap that he was wearing and tightened the sweater around his waist, as if he were getting ready for a long lecture.

"What?" Louis grumbled.

"Niall and I, hell, Zayn even, are really concerned about you," Liam sighed, "I told Zayn about it yeah. But he's close to us and... He cares. Louis, I don't even care anymore. I'm giving Josh a few punches."

Louis pursed his lips in anger. "Do that and I'll never forgive you!"

"I'm not looking for forgiveness! I'm looking for revenge on the bloody bastard who hurt my best friend!"

Louis couldn't ignore how similar this was to the conversation that went on between him and Harry. It was like deja vu. But Louis wasn't going for it. "Do anything and you won't be my best friend anymore."


Liam scoffed. "We're adults Lou. Not 13 year old schoolgirls engaged in drama. You know how immature and ludicrous you sound right now? I'm trying to bloody help you. If you're so ungrateful then fuck you."

Louis felt guilty when Liam left. That was how Louis was feeling when Harry snapped at him, but he kept that to himself.

Josh wasn't Liam's problem though. This was Louis's battle. He had to stand up to the bastard and give him a taste of his own medicine. If he was going to help Harry, he had to get rid of his bullshit first. Josh was one of his biggest problems. What was his problem anyway? It is okay to be homophobic and not like the idea of gays but nobody was that passionate about hatred.

"She was like 'call me Josh! here's my number!' and I was like 'babe... one night stands are as far as I go!' and she left crying!" Josh burst into a fit of laughter, surrounded by a bunch of guys, including Andy, who were shaking their head and chuckling. Although Andy would never admit it, he didn't like Louis. He gave him weird glances when Lou visited Liam's dorm and he was one of those boys who had the paranoia that Louis would fall in love with him.

"Faggoty fag! What can I do you for?" Josh got up off his chair and walked towards Louis, who was on the bleachers.

"We need to talk, it's kind of important."

"I already have a date to Tom Atkin's party, so..." Josh laughed, as if he were the funniest man on the planet.

"Why do you make my life a living hell?" Louis asked, trying to control his voice from breaking into a cry. He couldn't cry in front of Josh. "Is this about Stanley?"

Louis cringed just at the name. Stan Lucas. That was the name of Lou's best mate since preschool, who stuck by Louis through everything, who shared all his secrets with Lou. He was the one who got Louis interested in football. But the secret of Louis being gay was too much for Stan. He dealt with it for a few days, but later turned against Louis and befriended the school bully, Josh Devine. It was as if he fucking hired Josh to torture Louis in the last school year. Louis had high hopes of leaving for college and forgetting about Josh, but conveniently enough, Josh was part of Doncaster Uni too.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You do, Josh! You do. Stan hated my guts. After he moved to America for U-Penn you stopped torturing me for a while and now you're doing it again," Louis tried not to yell at Josh, for that would only make things so much worse.

Louis suddenly felt a blow to his stomach. He doubled over in agony. That definitely left a bruise. Louis was so used to those by now though, he didn't even care.

"Who do you think you are, Tomlinson? You are not to talk to me, faggot boy." Josh planted a few more punches to Louis's torso and left. So much for a civilized conversation.

**************************

"Hi," Harry walked by the coffee stand and watched Louis spurt some whipped cream on the top of the plastic cup. Louis smiled at Harry, accidentally spraying too much. He chuckled, wiping his hands on his apron.

"Oops," Louis shrugged at Harry, "Sorry, babe." He handed the cup to Hannah, frowning.

"Trust me, sweetie, I really don't mind extra whipped cream," she winked, taking the cup.

Harry crossed his arms. "Who is that?"

"Hannah," Louis replied.

"Mmm hmm. She's pretty," Harry muttered.

Louis chuckled. "That's so cute, aww, you're the jealous type." He smeared some whipped cream on the tip of Harry's nose playfully. Harry wiped it off.

"I am not jealous of her!"

Louis laughed for a second, and then remembered. He left Harry in the shower by himself, with sharp objects. Louis frowned to himself. He knew Harry hurt himself in there. "Hazza?"

Harry smiled. "Yeaah?"

Louis gulped. "D-Did y-you... did you... cut?"

Harry looked a little scared for a second, his eyes widening a bit. This, was the same fear Harry got when he was having a social anxiety attack. "No."

Louis felt his heart shatter into a million pieces like glass. Harry, the guy he was in love with, just lied to him. He looked him straight in the eye and fibbed. Louis had to play along though. He had to find some way to help Harry, even if it meant accepting his ludicrous lies. "Are you sure? You know, I won't be mad if you did. I know how hard it is. I just want the truth."

"Y-you... Won't be disappointed?" Harry seemed surprised.

"Of course not. As long as you tell me the truth," Louis poured some coffee into the machine carefully and slowly, avoiding a burn.

"Truth is I didn't cut. Louis, can you please keep this between us? Don't tell Zayn, he'll freak out."

Louis felt a lump in his throat. He wanted to scream at Harry for lying to him. How dare he fuck with Louis like that? It wasn't fair. Louis was in love with him.

This isn't about you, Louis.

"Harry, don't keep this from him!"

"I'm not telling him! Even you weren't supposed to know," Harry muttered.

Again, Louis felt like crying. He knew that if a small shower accident hadn't happened, he would still be in the dark about this. How long had he been oblivious to this? Months, according to Harry. It felt like he was punched in the gut.

"Lou, I have class. I'm sorry I snapped. Just please, this is our secret," Harry leaned forward to hug Louis. Louis knew that Harry would never hurt him. He tried not to cry into the hug. He didn't want to let Harry ever go, he wanted to keep Harry in his arms and make sure he never hurt himself again.

*******************************

Louis held on to the doorknob to Harry and Zayn's dorm, sobbing to himself. Sobbing was a commonplace after learning about Harry. Was he really going to do something this extreme?

He twisted the door open, taking a few deep breaths. He locked the inside of it, walking over to the bathroom, double checking to make sure nobody was there. He opened to door to the diminutive loo in the stalls, opening every single cabinet.

There they were. Bloodstained razors and pencil sharpener blades in a little box. Louis sighed, still hating how easily Harry lied to him. Carefully, he stuffed each self harming utensil into a bag. He put the bag in his coat pocket and exited the dorm.

Do you think what Louis did was smart? Give me feedback babies. <3 this chapter is dedicated to kenzieluvshea.

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