Misery (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 30

You guys probably hate me lol I didn't update for over a week.

There's going to be one or two more chapters after this. (:

Anne had eventually returned her wedding dress and fancy plans, and surprisingly for Harry, she was happier than she'd ever been. She would smile wider and here eyes sparkled so much more. Harry himself was actually relieved. His anxiety dropped twenty thousand times, and on lucky day medication was unnecessary.

But he missed Louis though. It was so awkward for the two of them now. They'd be sitting together as only friends, their conversations would have all sorts of boundaries. They would ask each other how they were doing but they couldn't go into depth with it. Harry continued to go to Jay and Louis occasionally saw Dr. Rizzo.

The crew of 5 were sitting in Liam's dorm, because although Harry and Louis weren't together, they had formed an unbreakable friendship bond. It was awkward at times though.

"Takeout sucks," Zayn made a face at the food.

"Would you rather have one of us cook you Ramen noodles like we do every other day?" Liam rolled his eyes. Niall sat beside him, scrolling on his phone, giggling at pictures of his nephew Theo.

Harry could only concentrate on Louis. His complexion, which was slightly fairer than usual because of the colder weather, was beautiful. Harry wondered why Louis wasn't wrecked about the breakup. Harry cried himself to sleep every night, or he drank himself out of misery. Vodka worked like a charm whenever memories of Louis chewed on his brain. Louis was fixing his hair in the little mirror. He had it in a hairdo that Harry had shown him when they were dating.

How to win back your ex, a guide by Louis Tomlinson in Misery AU:

Step 1: get them horny for you.

Harry admired Louis's features for several more minutes, until Louis turned around and caught him, but the thing was- Louis already knew Harry was staring several minutes ago. That was part of his plan.

Harry bit his lip at the scruff on Louis's face, thinking of how it felt against his face when they kissed. But wait- they weren't together anymore. It didn't feel like it, still.

Louis snickered to himself because his master plan was about to go into effect. "Guys," he cleared his throat, "d'you mind if I change my pants? I'd rather be in pajamas than jeans."

"Why would we care?" Zayn rolled his eyes.

Louis kept Harry in view from the corner of his eye while he took off his pants, in nothing but boxers.

Harry bit his lip so hard it started bleeding. He moaned at the thick bulge in Louis's boxers. Louis smiled to himself, because it was working. It was bitchy of him, but anything to get Harry back with him. He made sure to put on tight pajama pants, that were especially tight in the crotch area.

"Done," Louis said simply, trying not to snicker at Harry's expression. Harry had a boner already. Success.

Step 2: get them jealous

Louis was up in the middle of the night, thinking of how he couldn't sleep without Harry. He was thinking of the long arms that used to be around him, guiding him to a deep slumber.

Somehow that led to memories of being 15 and participating in truth or dare with his pathetic friends. He remembered one stupid dare he got; to give himself a hickey. The next day, Louis remembered rolling up his sleeves to show of his "lovebite" to seem like the macho player of the school, and that reputation had stuck for a hell of a long time.

His thoughts went straight back to Harry, and he thought about how easily jealous he was. He remembered Harry coming to he coffee stand and suspiciously looking at Hannah, and he remembered Harry scowling at anyone who looked Louis's direction. He remembered the bartender with her breasts spilling out of her tight shirt, and how Harry had looked so angry at her.

It wouldn't be hard to get this kid a little jealous.

-

Harry still had all of the selfies that Louis sneakily took on his phone. Not a single Louis- related thing was erased from his iPhone, and he hasn't even deleted the pictures on Instagram of Louis, nor had he erased the "Taken, L.O.E." in his bio. Harry felt that was too big a step to take already.

He heard a knock at the door. "It's Louis."

Harry swallowed thickly. "Um.."

"I think I might've left a sweater here, Harry," Louis opened the door and Harry quickly hid his phone underneath the pillow so Louis wouldn't see what he was looking at.

"My bad, it's sort of a habit you know," Louis sighed, "something bad you were seeing?" Harry shook his head vigorously. "Porn?" Louis asked, and Harry shook his head again with a dark blush.

Harry watched Louis scan the floor. He looked at Louis's rolled up sleeve and admired his tan arms. They were arms, they weren't meant to be admired, but Harry still loved them and longed to be in them again. Until, he noticed a light pink spot near Louis's elbow.

The spot looked like a bite at first, then it looked like a bruise. It looked fresh- hardly a few days old. It was obviously a hickey, and Harry wondered why it looked so fresh, for he hadn't given Louis any for days.

"Harry? You alright mate?" Louis asked.

"Um, yeah, uh what happened to your arm?"

Louis looked confused for a second, and then looked down at his arm. "Oh... Um," he said awkwardly.

"Are you with someone else?" Harry asked, "Not that I care," he scoffed, "just normal bro to bro talk."

"Nope, I've been hooking up with people though," Louis answered truthfully. "I've kind of got my eye on someone though."

Harry flushed, anger coursing through his veins. How did Louis already get over him? How was Louis not begging to come back to his arms? "Wh-Who?" Harry asked.

"Rather not say," Louis shrugged. "What about you, you got your eye on someone?"

Harry shook his head. "I don't fancy anyone," he said simply. It was a lie though, he was still was over heels in love with Louis.

And then Louis left, and Harry's heart shattered into a million pieces, and he was unaware of the tears streaming down his face.

Step 3: get them drunk


When people said alcohol was the solution for everything, Louis never believed it. Until he was awake in bed remembering how handsy Harry got with a little vodka.

It was the middle of the night and Louis could not stop thinking about his next big scheme. "Niall," he whined into his duvet, "Niall, wake up."

Niall made a very frustrated noise into his pillow. "What do ye want?" He asked, his voice muffled by the pillow.

"Should me, you, Zayn, Liam, and Harry go to the bar tomorrow?" Louis asked.

"Ya' wake me up in the middle of the night for this?" Niall hissed, "I'm always up for some booze."

"That's a yes?" Louis asked in confirmation.

"Yes, now go to sleep."

-

Harry knew he was already drunk. He looked at Louis, who also seemed to be drunk. He was sitting and talking to the bartender, the same one from last time, in a tight black shirt that exposed a bit too much. "You're gay," he slurred.

"What?" Zayn asked.

"He's gay," Harry pointed to Louis.

"No shit..." Zayn rolled his eyes.

Harry walked over to Louis. He was done with the jealousy and he was done with missing him. "Hello," he said.

"Hey Haz," Louis smiled.

Haz. It had been forever since Louis called him that name. That was probably a good sign. As they inched closer, Harry didn't even know what was happening or what was going to happen. Until their lips connected. It was just a chaste peck, but it was still from Louis, and that sent a burning sensation down Harry's throat. Louis reached in to do it again, and Harry's tongue explored Louis's mouth. He tasted like pure alcohol and not like Louis.

"I've missed you," Harry whispered hotly into Louis's ear.

Louis nodded his head as if he was saying he felt the same way. "Bathroom, now," Louis said into Harry's mouth, and Harry immediately obeyed. Harry took a peek of the pairs of eyes on the two of them; Niall, Liam, and Zayn did not at all look surprised. Harry wasn't surprised either. Him and Louis had an unbreakable bond.

The bathroom was almost completely empty, and Harry felt Louis's tiny hand on the small of his back, pushing him into the stall and locking the door.

It took only seconds to get undressed at that point, both of them so needy and wanting each other so badly. It wasn't about sex. No, none of this was about sex. It was about how they needed to be with each other in a way that didn't exist in friendships. Harry missed every bit of Louis, he missed every single thing. And even he might not remember it the next morning, he still wanted Louis.

-

Step 4- friends with benefits.


Louis believed that friends were friends and they shouldn't have benefits. That was, until Harry shyly, obscurely hinted that he wanted to do it again. And that wasn't something that Louis could say no to.

When they did it, Louis would do secret checks on Harry's body. He made sure there were no fresh cuts, and there never were. However, Louis sometimes cried himself to sleep because even if Harry did cut, Louis did not have the power to do anything anymore. Trying to get back with Harry with all of these tactics was a game to Louis. And he wanted to win. But honestly, this was one screwed up game; because it was totally screwing his emotions over. He was so close to grabbing Harry and telling him how much he wanted to be in his life again. And he knew Harry needed him just as much.

Louis woke up with Harry next to him, they weren't holding each other, in fact they were sleeping facing away from each other. Harry was already awake, and looked like he was thinking about something. "Good morning," Louis sat up, the blanket shifting

"Hey," Harry responded.

"You okay?" Louis asked, wondering why Harry seemed so distant.

"Y-Y-yeah," Harry's speech trembled and it was so obvious that he was lying.

Louis wanted to stay right by him an pry until Harry told him what was wrong. And he wanted to vent to Harry about how he was feeling and then bury his face into Harry's chest so they could make each other feel better.

"Okay," Louis said, swallowing thickly because he couldn't do anything anymore.

"Okay," Harry bit his lip, and his eyes said so many words that his mouth couldn't.

"Okay," Louis said again, and their facial expressions had conversations of their own.

"So," Harry looked away from Louis, "I'll see you later today maybe."

"Yeah, maybe," Louis almost forgot to cover himself as he walked out of bed but then he remembered it wouldn't be acceptable if he didn't.

As Louis got dressed, Harry turned away and buried his face into his pillow. Louis cooed to himself at how adorable Harry was. And it hurt, not only emotionally but it started to hurt physically too. The fact that Harry was adorable and Louis couldn't love it hit him with the same heavy weight as a truck.

He waved goodbye to Harry, and then went to his own dorm, where luckily nobody was. He climbed into the bed sheets and felt the self hatred come along.

It started with a few homophobic slurs to himself. Then it went to even worse things. And then it was about Harry. No matter how fucking hard Louis tried, he couldn't regret telling Anne. He knew it was the right move and Harry benefitted from it, despite the terrible downsides.

And then Louis thought about how, for the past few weeks, he had literally been toying with Harry's emotions as if he were an object. He had been playing around with them, when they were already so sensitive. And it was only now hitting Louis how terrible it was, how selfish. Just because Louis still loved Harry, he went out of his way to make Harry love him. Harry didn't want Louis like that. And Louis had to respect those boundaries.

But no, Louis couldn't live like this. He couldn't sit around, fucking Harry every now and then, and not holding him. It was either all of Harry or none of him. And if Harry couldn't be with him, then Louis would try hard to move on and find a man who would settle down with him. One who wasn't nearly as good with children, not nearly as cute, not nearly as charming, but he would do.

And Louis had to tell Harry, because otherwise he would burst.

-

"Harry," Louis knocked the door, "it's Louis. I need to talk."

It was a few seconds before the raspy voice replied. "Alright, come in."

Louis walked in, with no sense of confidence whatsoever, no hope, but swollen emotions that needed to be popped with the hard stab of reality.

"Hi," Harry said, with a forced smile.

"I can't," Louis said dumbly.

"Can't what?" Harry asked.

"Be with you. Not like this," Louis answered, "I can't be friends with benefits. Fuck, Harry friends shouldn't have benefits. And it's too painful to wake up before you do and listen to your snores and fall back asleep. It's too hard to touch you, but have limits to where I can. It's too hard to even look at you."

Harry chewed on his plump bottom lip. "What are you..."

"I'm saying that I either have all of you or none of you and there is no in between," Louis mumbled.

Harry stayed silent.

"Fuck, Harry you didn't want me in your life and I didn't respect those boundaries. I'm sorry. I fucked up again," Louis sighed, and turned away to walk towards the door.

"Don't tell me how I feel about you," Harry said quietly. Louis didn't turn around but stopped in his tracks. "Do you know how much I missed you? I had no confidence to ask you to be mine again." Louis sighed. "I could live with the pain of losing you, I could live with not saying anything, but one thing I will not stand for is you pinning this on yourself."

Louis turned around slowly.

"I can't see you beat yourself up over something you didn't do. And I can't say I wouldn't have done the same if I were in your position. Nobody ever took care of me the way you did. My family fell apart but now my mum seems less worried. And my anxiety is close to gone. This wouldn't have happened if it weren't for you."

Louis was unaware of the tear rolling off of his cheek. "Harry," he said softly.

"What do we do now? Are we an item again? Would that be okay?"

Louis let out a teary chuckle. "These past few weeks have been the worst of my life." Harry bit his lip. "I'm never going through that again. It was terrible Harry, the drinking, the staying up all night, the planning schemes to get you back without telling you..."

Harry patted the bed and Louis jumped onto it, allowing himself to be the little spoon under Harry's touch. He curled into Harry and shivered at the kisses placed on his cheek, the ones they hadn't given each other for way too long. "I have one question though."

Louis turned around so he was facing Harry. "Shoot."

"Who was that guy you screwed? The one who gave you the hickey?"

Louis blushed and laughed at Harry's confusion, because he was the most adorable thing in the whole universe.