Misery (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 28

Because of my hellwork (homework) it's hard for me to update so let's do this- Monday and Friday are update days. This book is almost done and I promise it'll be completely done by Christmas. Happy thanksgiving!! Unless you're Canadian bc that already passed ahaha.

Louis brushed his hair, looking into the mirror. He should've let Niall,Liam, Zayn, Harry even, beat those two guys up yesterday. Dr. R told him to let that happen. Seeing people who hurt him get hurt would do more good than harm.

Harry tossed and turned. "Lou.." he said groggily into his pillow.

"Hey," Louis set down his comb and went over to him, "hangover? You were pretty hammered last night."

"Nah," Harry shook his head, "I'm good."

"Do you remember anything that happened last night?" Louis asked.

Harry looked at the bruises on his thighs and poked the ones on his chest. "I'm have some idea what happened," he started.

"How ya feeling?" Louis asked with a smirk.

"Still sore," Harry groaned dramatically, winking at Louis. Louis thought Harry was the most adorable person on the planet. Everything about him made Louis want to grab him and never let him go. "Louis, what were we talking about before we had sex?"

Louis thought. "We talked to my mum," he said, "and I asked for you to meet my family." Louis frowned when he saw Harry's worried face. "What's wrong, Harry?"

Harry bit his lip. "I don't know. What if they don't like me? What if I leave a bad impression and your mum like... Forbids you from being with me?"

Louis sighed. "That's not going to happen. My mum loves you."

"She doesn't know me very well."

"But I love you. So she loves you."

Harry tossed his head back into his pillow, defeated. Louis smirked with his little victory and walked over to hand Harry his clothes, helping him pull a clean shirt onto his head and pulled his boxers onto his legs. Louis tried not to stare at the self inflicted wounds on Harry's thighs. He wanted to see if maybe there were newer ones that Harry hadn't told him about.

"You alright?" Harry asked, feeling Louis's bare torso. He brushed his long thumbs on Louis's pelvis, the soft touches making Louis feel better.

"I'm fine," Louis lied, still wondering if Harry had cut again. Harry could've lied to him. But that would be difficult, given they've spent every waking minute together. Not that Louis didn't enjoy that, because hell, he did.

"I hate it when you pretend with me," Harry frowned, "neither of us are exactly emotionally stable here, and we're not going to judge one another."

Louis stared at Harry for a moment. He knew he could trust Harry. Of course, he had every right to not trust him, for he had easily lied to Louis twice about cutting, but Harry easily gained it back. Louis knew he could trust Harry with anything. But he just didn't want to hurt Harry's feelings. "Please don't flip at me. I'm only asking this because I want you to be healthy and happy. You're okay?"

Harry bit his lip for a moment and buried his face into his pillow. "No," he finally said, "I'm not at all, and I really want to cut. I was considering running off later and doing it."

Louis crawled under the messy sheets with him. "You're being honest with me. I love it."

"It feels good to let it out," Harry admitted. "So when should we go and meet your family?"

Louis shrugged. "Why not today?"

Harry's eyes widened. "Really?" he asked, "So it's Lottie, then Fizzy, then Daisy and Phoebe. And your mom is pregnant."

"Good," Louis joked, tickling Harry's side. "Why don't you take a shower and get dressed? We'll go to my mum's house right after that."

Louis knew that the shower was triggering for Harry. And he knew that Harry had an urge to cut already. He didn't want to treat Harry like a caged animal; he didn't want Harry to feel like Louis thought he couldn't care for himself or that Louis didn't trust him. Again, Louis had every right to not trust him, but he still did despite those reasons. He wanted Harry to make decisions on his own, and be determined to stop self harming. If Harry was doing this only for Louis, Louis wouldn't feel like anything was being accomplished.

Harry paused. "Louis," he bit his lip nervously, "do you trust me in the shower by myself?"

"If you can trust yourself, then I can trust you," Louis answered simply. That statement left Harry hesitating for a moment. "Do you trust yourself, Harry?"

Harry shook his head, "No," his voice cracked, "I can't even shower by myself, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm a screw up," he cried into Louis's chest.

"Haz, please stop it," Louis reached for some Kleenex and dabbed his face, "you are not a screw up. How many times will I have to tell you that before you believe me?"

"How am I not a screw up, Lou? I'm so codependent. I always need you to be helping me, I can't go without cutting my skin," Harry sniffled.

"It's an addiction, Harry," Louis helped him get out of bed, handing him his jeans, "if a lovely person that you loved very much was a crack addict, but he had a good personality and had accomplished several things, would he be a screw up?" Harry shook his head in response. "Can a full blown stoner go without drugs by himself when he's barely a month into recovery?" Harry shook his head again. "Point proven."

"Can you shower with me?" Harry asked, "I don't want to come out of the shower with cuts on myself and a sad look on your face."

"I wouldn't be disappointed if you would've been able to tell me about it," Louis traced a finger across Harry's soft, pink lips. He pecked them quickly and then stole a few more. "I'd love to shower with you."

*******

Louis sat on Harry's bed. He tried to imagine his family's reaction to Harry. He was actually a little nervous about it, but not on Harry's behalf. He was scared his mum would say something embarrassing, or show him naked baby pictures, or his sisters would say something dumb.

Louis stole a glance at his watch. Harry was making him wait so he could "surprise" Louis with his outfit. "Harry what is taking you so long?" Louis groaned, "you get ready like a teenage girl."

"Don't turn around yet! Please!" Harry begged.

"I'm giving you ten seconds, if you don't finish... Sucks for you," Louis teased.

"Okay, okay! I'm done, you can look now," Harry said. Louis turned around quickly to see what he'd taken an ungodly amount of time to do.

Harry was wearing the tight blue skinny jeans that Louis always complimented, the old, disgusting boots that Louis was fond of for some reason, and the Nirvana shirt that he was wearing on the day of their first kiss and the day they first met.

"Did you... Remember?" Louis asked.

"How could I possibly forget?" Harry chuckled.

*** *** ***

Louis was driving with Harry sound asleep in the passenger seat. Harry hadn't gotten proper sleep and his medication made him drowsy. Louis didn't like silence, and he'd come to realize that recently. Silence was actually the loudest sound in existence. Even though outside noises lacked, the thoughts inside Louis's mind would flow at a pace faster than the speed of light. They often reminded him about his situation with Josh, the harsh reality with a large population of homophobics, and how he was still not ready to kiss Harry in public and give him the love he deserved.

The only sounds distracting him from deep thought were Harry's snores. They weren't loud and obnoxious, they were quiet and cute.

Louis's phone rang. The little chirp of the text alert went off and Louis wasn't a huge fan of texting while driving, so he pulled over to read the message.

FROM: unknown

HI IT'S JOSH. I NEED YOUR HELP.

Louis was very close to slamming his fist against the horn, because how dare he ask for help after shoving Louis into a void of depression and insecurity? How dare he expect Louis to forgive him?

To: JOSH

IM DRIVING.

FROM: JOSH

IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT. I NEED A BEARD.

TO: JOSH

WHAT?

FROM: JOSH

I DON'T WANT PEOPLE KNOWING IM GAY.

Louis put down his phone for a moment. He couldn't help but remember kissing a boy for the first time, it was only for fun but Louis loved it, and being paranoid that everyone would think he was gay. He couldn't help but remember trying so hard to conceal his sexuality to the point of being in denial with himself. He didn't want any other individual to go through that, ever.

But Josh made his life a living nightmare. And when Louis was alone all he could think about was what he should do knowing Josh's biggest secret. He wanted him to suffer, he wanted Josh to feel the same pain he did. But at the same time, he believed that two wrongs didn't make a right and Louis didn't have the courage to hurt another person.

Louis hesitated, then picked up his phone and dialed a number. He waited patiently for it to finish ringing.

"Hello?" said a sweet, candy voice.

"El?"

There was a long pause. "Yes."

Louis bit his lip nervously. "This is Louis Tomlinson, you-"

"I know," Eleanor sighed, "I don't need to be reminded."

"We haven't been in touch, and we haven't talked... How are you?" Louis asked, not quite sure what to say.

"Louis, please just cut to the chase. I can't deal with the awkwardness," she said.

"You remember Josh?" Louis asked, "He's gay."

Eleanor gasped. "Louis, he used to beat the living daylights out of you because he was homophobic... What the hell?"

"That's not the point, El. He needs a beard. Obviously he's insecure," Louis told her.

There was a long silence. "Are you asking me..?"

Louis sighed uncomfortably. "Yes."

"Louis... Do you have any idea what you are asking me to do? Do you have any idea how difficult it is to do that? Why can't you get someone else from your uni?" Eleanor asked.

"I was just wondering... Because you did a wonderful job with me..." Louis played with his thumbs.

"Louis. I don't need to hide the fact that I'm a dyke anymore, I'm engaged to a beautiful woman named Danielle. I am not benefitting from this at all!" Eleanor yelled, "Why are you asking me?"

"You and Josh have a history," Louis shrugged.

"Not a very nice one!" Eleanor yelled, "You know what, give me his number. I will try and ask my friends at this LGBT club I used to go to for help."

Louis smiled. "Thanks El. You're the best."

"I don't want to hear from you often, if you don't mind. I don't like remembering the high school experience," Eleanor sounded like she was about to cry, "goodbye Louis."

Harry tossed and turned a little. "Mm," he muttered, "Lou."

Louis hid his phone. "Sleep well?"

Harry lifted up his head and looked around. "Why are we pulled over?"
He rubbed his eyes and stretched, followed by a monster yawn.

"I got a text from J-" Louis stopped himself, "mummy."

"Okay," Harry nodded, "excited to meet the Tomlinsons."

*** *** ***

Louis was really excited to be able to see his family again. He wanted to be with them as much as possible but his busy schedule made that difficult. He looked at his boyfriend who was very tense. "Relax," Louis soothed, "it's okay."

Louis pressed the oval doorbell and heard a bunch of racing footsteps inside the house, even some pushing and shoving, and whispers. "LouLou!" exclaimed Lottie, pulling him in for a huge hug. She examined Harry carefully, not wanting her brother to get hurt again. "Hi," she said simply.

Harry smiled. "Hello. Are you Lottie?" He asked.

"Yeah," she smiled. She pulled Louis down to whisper something in his ear. "He's hot as fuck," she said.

"Lottie," Louis whined, "you can't say stuff like that!"

"Lou, I missed you," Fizzy pressed wet kisses to his cheeks, "and this cute boy you have with you must be Harry."

Harry blushed and bent over to Fizzy's height. "Hi, you're Fizzy, right?"

"Are you gonna let us in?" Louis joked. The twins ran down the stairs, racing each other to hug Louis. Lottie grabbed both of their hands and dragged them inside. Louis patted the couch for Harry to sit next to him.

"You're Harry!" Daisy jumped up and down excitedly. Phoebe pushed her out of the way. "I thought we said I'd say hi first, Daisy," she sneered.

"Girls," Harry smiled widely at them, bending down to their level, "there's plenty of Harry to go around."

"Yeah, you're like a giant!" Daisy bounced up and down.

"Daisy, how rude!" Lottie scolded.

The twins jumped into Harry's arms and Harry wrapped an arm protectively around them. Louis couldn't control his smile nor the twinkle in his eyes. He felt all mushy inside. He loved Harry so much. Harry loved him so much. Seeing the way Harry was with children made Louis think of being Harry's domestic partner someday. He wanted to get down on one knee and ask Harry to be his forever.

Then the mushiness replaced with anxiety. What if Louis lost Harry someday? What if they'd stop loving each other? What if Harry fell in love with someone who was better for him than Louis?

Harry noticed Louis's sad face. "Are you alright?" He whispered.

"I'm okay," Louis lied.

"What are you thinking about?" Harry asked.

Louis bit his lip worriedly. "You," he sighed, "never leave me, Haz."

"Where is this coming from?" Harry asked, pressing a chaste peck to Louis's cheek.

Their little talk was interrupted by Jay coming downstairs. "Oh," she squealed, "Harry! Come here love!" She ran up to him and squeezed him, Harry hugging back very cautiously due to the little bump in Jay's belly. She kissed his cheek. "How are you doing?"

"Good," Harry's word was stifled by Jay's right squeeze.

Louis stepped in, "Mummy, let the boy breathe!"

"Sorry," she laughed,"do you want anything, sweetie? Water, tea, food?"

Harry laughed. "I'm okay, ma'am."

"Don't be silly. Call me Jay. You're my family now," she ruffled his hair and went into the kitchen.

"Is she making you uncomfortable?" Louis asked in a shushed voice.

"No! She's lovely," Harry shook his head.

It made Louis so happy that Harry liked his family. He noticed how Harry was no longer tense, and he was able to talk to the Tomlinsons with ease. He watched fondly as he talked to Fizzy, telling her dumb little jokes that made her laugh. The twins were fighting over who got to sit on his lap. Lottie blushed at every word Harry said, and Louis cooed because she obviously had a crush on him which was so cute.

"Do you want to watch a movie, guys?" Jay asked, "I'll make you dinner. The tapes are all in the drawer under the T.V."

"No, Jay," Harry got up, "let me help you with dinner!"

"Don't be ridiculous, Harry, you're the guest," Jay chuckled.

"No! I don't want you to feel like you need to do anything for me," Harry gently placed a hand on her shoulder and walked into the kitchen with her, followed by Louis.

"Baby," Jay pulled out her arms for Louis, "I've missed you so much!"

Louis patted the bump on her belly. "What are we expecting?"

"Twins. Twin girls," she smiled, "you and Harry better help me out with them, yes?"

Harry nodded. "I'd be happy to," he said.

Louis was mesmerized by the amazing impression Harry left with his family. They all loved him just as much as Louis did. Everything about him was breathtaking. He had the whole charm thing down to a T. Louis watched as he cooked, and had conversations with his mum. He'd stop in between to kiss Louis, and then go back to cooking. Louis sniffed the lovely aura of the food.

Maybe they'd get married one day, and Harry would teach him how to cook. Louis couldn't cook. He'd burn the whole house down. "Louis," Jay called, interrupting his thoughts, "why don't you learn a little from Harry?"

"Mu-um," Louis whined.

"I'd love to teach you," Harry smiled with a glint of love in his eyes that completely won Louis over. Louis walked over to the stove and Harry put his arms around him carefully, moving them to stir the pasta.

"Good," Harry complimented.

"Good?" Louis scoffed, "You're moving my arms for me."

"But still you're good," Harry shrugged.

"Nah, you just compliment me too much," Louis moved back further so their bodies were touching.

Jay cleared her throat, making them remember they weren't alone. "You two are actually so cute," she giggled, "Harry, I've never seen Louis this happy with anyone."

Louis pursed his lips angrily at his mother, because he didn't want her to say things like that in front of Harry. But then he looked back at Harry's blush, almost like he was proud of himself, and Louis wasn't mad at Jay anymore.

"I think it's ready," Jay took the serving spoon and poured the pasta into a bowl. "Girls!" She hollered.

Lottie immediately took the seat next to Harry. Louis growled at her. "Lottie, can I please sit next to my boyfriend?"

Lottie flushed. "No. You'll get to sleep next to him!"

"Bitch," Louis rolled his eyes.

"Louis William," Jay berated, "do not curse at your sisters."

"Sorry Lottie," Louis mumbled. He scowled at Harry's teasing face, and stuck his tongue out at him.

That was probably the best dinner of Louis's life. The kids asked Harry all sorts of things, and Louis bragged about how awesome Harry was and he would whisper into Lottie's ear about how he got to fuck Harry every night to get her jealous and mad. He simultaneously played footsie with Harry under the table, his little toes intertwining with Harry's gigantic ones.

**** **** ****

It was late at night and everyone was asleep except for Louis and Harry. Harry's hand was moving swiftly on Louis's dick, his other hand covering Louis's mouth.

Louis couldn't stop think about domestic Harry. How he would cook for Louis every morning, and how they'd wake their child together.

"What are you thinking about?" Harry asked, "I can't help but remember how I asked you that before and I never got a complete answer..."

Louis sighed. "Harry, I've been thinking," he said, bucking his hips as Harry's movements on his crotch didn't stop.

"What about? Did I do something wrong?"

Louis shook his head. "No! Fuck, no you did not."

"What's been bothering you?"

Louis couldn't hold it in anymore. "Will you marry me?"

There was a long silence. Harry's hand stopped moving and the tension of the silence was enough to crush Louis like a cinder block would. "I- I'm sorry. I said that wrong. I meant, would you marry me? In the future, do you think.. Do you think we can..."

Harry gulped. "Actually..."

Louis's heart sank.

"I think about that too, all the time," Harry admitted, "once I had a wet dream about... About our honeymoon sex..." he blushed in embarrassment, not meeting Louis's eyes.

"So you will then? You'll marry me one day?" Louis asked eagerly.

"You're the love of my life," Harry rambled on, "I've never been this intimate with anyone."

"Fuck, Harry," Louis whined, "please answer the question before I cry."

"I would love to," Harry sighed, "I would love to make this permanent."

"Do you promise to marry me?" Louis asked, "And never leave me, ever?"

"I belong to you," Harry nodded, "I'm yours. And you're mine."

"I'm really proud of you," Louis beamed.

"For what?" Harry asked.

"For everything. For being alive. For being strong," Louis answered, and at that point Harry was bawling.

** ** **

Louis woke up and something was missing. The sheets didn't smell of cologne. They didn't smell like Harry. The absence of that smell was what woke Louis. Harry wasn't next to him. Harry always woke Louis up with kisses, and Louis woke Harry up by slapping him with a pillow. It was their little tradition. But now they couldn't wake each other up. Louis started panicking. Where had Harry gone?

Louis grabbed the empty sheets next to him. "Harry," he called out weakly, still groggy. "Harry?"

Worried, Louis listened to all the noises in the house to see if maybe, just maybe, he could hear the rumble of Harry's deep voice. And he sure did. He followed it into the kitchen, and Harry was making pancakes with Jay.

"Morning!" Jay singsonged, kissing Louis's chin.

When she was looking away, Louis wiped away the lipstick on his chin. "You scared me Harry. When I didn't find you in bed."

Harry's face fell. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you, I'm sorry."

Louis checked to make sure his mum wasn't listening. "I thought I'd scared you off with that... Conversation last night."

"No," Harry shook his head. "I confessed about a wet dream, I think I was dumber. Can I talk to you in private?"

Louis nodded and took Harry's hand, leading him back to the room in which they'd slept. "What is it?"

"I've been talking to your mum," Harry began, wrapping his arms around Louis's waist.

"You seem like you're old friends," Louis joked, scooting in closer.

"She made me realize that I do need to get better," Harry said. "I'll be seeing her twice a week, on Skype at least, so she can help me. She knows I have potential."

Louis almost squealed. He'd never been prouder of Harry. It took a lot for an addict of any sort to get out of the denial that they needed help. Jay was a psychiatrist, and she knew a shit ton more about self harm than Louis did. She could help Harry. And one day Harry would be okay and Louis wouldn't have to check every five minutes to see if he was. "I'm so proud of you, Harry. All I want is for you to be alright, yeah?"

"I was thinking about us getting married, and after you went to sleep I was thinking- won't our wedding be so much more fun without having to worry about me? And wouldn't it be so much better, our honeymoon I mean, without having to deal with my cuts?" Harry whispered into Louis's ear, and Louis laughed.

"You're adorable," Louis smiled fondly and stole a quick kiss, careful not to go any further when he heard footsteps behind him. Lottie smiled at him and at Harry, clapping her hands on Louis's back. "Mornin', Lotts!"

"Good luck with your game," Lottie kissed his cheek and went to the table, mumbling compliments about the aura of the pancakes Harry made. Fizzy came downstairs, carrying Daisy in her arms carefully and waved a good morning to Harry, leaning in to hug Louis. Phoebe jumped off of the stairs with her worn out elephant stuffed animal. All the girls wished Louis good luck with his game.

"You guys, sit with Zayn and Liam, Liam isn't playing," Louis instructed, confused at Lottie's frown. "What's wrong guys?"

"I wanna sit with Harry!" Phoebe whined with food in her mouth.

"Harry has a comfy lap," Daisy said as she stuffed her face, "Liam is all prickly and hairy!"

Jay howled with laughter and shook her head. "Louis has a special place reserved for Harry in the very front."

Of my heart, Louis thought, but didn't say aloud because Harry would tease him for being cheesy.

*** *** ***

Louis focused on the ball that was being dribbled around him. He raced to catch up with the opposing player and struggled to steal the ball. Suddenly, he fell over, tripping on the cleat of the opponent. The fall was so painful, if Louis hadn't landed in the proper position, he would've broken a bone. He looked up at Harry for a little hope. Harry was wincing, looking worriedly at Louis. Louis smiled at him to signal that everything was alright.

There was only a minute left. Louis chased around the opponents, feeling relieved when he got the ball. He hesitated, feeling helpless for a second, and kicked it diagonally. The goalie for the opposing team jumped and tried to grab the ball with his hands but missed, slipping on the grass and falling.

Louis was unaware that he'd scored a goal for a bit. He heard the crowd roar and the buzzer ring, and he heard Harry's loud screams, cheering his name. Then it hit Louis, he'd helped the team at the very last minute. They won 0-2, and Louis actually felt proud of himself for once.

He remembered Rizzo's words, saying that Louis needed to feel proud of himself more often. And proud was the only thing he was feeling at the moment. In fact, he was feeling so proud that he walked up to Harry and stared at him fondly. He was tired of concealing the overwhelming love he had for this boy.

"I'm so proud of you! Oh my gosh, you were great!" Harry squealed. Harry opened his mouth to ramble on, but Louis connected their lips, annoyed with Harry's nonsense talk. Harry was unresponsive for a few seconds, and after Louis pulled away, Harry looked stunned. "Lou..."

"You're the love of my life," Louis whispered into his ear, before running off to get some Gatorade. Some of his teammates, including Niall, threw water at him as a team tradition. Louis turned around and waved at his family. He caught a glimpse of Harry cheering.

Louis noticed as Harry's arms went up in the air and his sleeves rode down, that the cuts on his wrist were now scabs. Harry was getting better. And Louis was just as proud of Harry as he was of himself.

Once the stadium emptied out, Louis pulled Harry into the empty locker room for a rough make out session followed by Louis fucking Harry on the tile floor.