Old Friends

9- Pasts

"Morning you two. Caitlin, why are you upset? Are you ok?" Dean asked upon seeing my puffy eyes.

"There's some stuff about my past that I couldn't stop thinking about. Some bad stuff. I just got done telling Sam. Not to be mean but I'd rather not te-"

"I get it. You don't need to tell me unless you want to or unless you want Sam to. No worries." He assured me. I didn't want Dean to be wondering all day so I gave Sam a look.

"Go for it, Sam." I told him.

"Basically way back when she told us her mom died from getting attacked by a werewolf, it was really her. Her mom was possessed, and she didn't think about an exorcism. Her dad always said if it was supernatural to kill it. Her dad was unconscious and she picked up a gun and shot her mom. Her dad was furious and told her to lie to us. She was just following orders and has been scared to ever tell us because she thought we'd hate her." Sam explained concisely. He actually did a good job at summarizing.

"Wow. I'd never hate you for that. You didn't think about the exorcism and I get that. I'm sorry you were forced to lie and live with that. How did you hold yourself together? I wouldn't. Not saying you're not strong enough, I'm just wondering because I feel like if I had to go through that it'd be super hard. It's hard enough going through hell." He asked gently.

"Sam. You left with your dad and my dad and I stayed with Sam and Bobby. Your brother was there for me for everything that I felt and even though I lied to him then, he didn't care what had happened or why I was upset, he was there to comfort me and let me cry on him. He's the reason I was ok. I know what you mean, Dean. Don't worry about it." I told him. It was nice to hear him care about me. I hadn't felt like he did in a very long time and it was comforting. I helped them with research for the day and enjoyed spending the time together. It wasn't very exciting but it was something to do. I was surprised I wasn't in a better, more excited mood. I graduated earlier than most- in December. My friend from college who I stayed with most times graduated a whole year early, but a semester early was still almost unheard of. Christmas was only a few days away and I wondered why I wasn't excited. Maybe it was the new environment, maybe it was the fact I knew they didn't celebrate anymore, maybe it was the fact I was still feeling out of place. I wasn't sure, but I wished there was something that felt right for once. Sam and I called it quits fairly early since we had been up kinda late the night before. I climbed in bed and brought something up to Sam.

"Babe, not making you talk, but are you sure you don't want to talk about what you've dealt with? I worry about you keeping stuff in. I remember you kept stuff inside a lot as a kid and it hurt you a lot more that way." I inquired. I didn't want to see him hurt.

"I'm ok. Maybe tomorrow after dinner or something. I want to give you a break from upsetting things. You've been through a lot recently." He explained. I agreed and hoped he'd actually talk the next day.

"Ok. Maybe we'll both talk about stuff after dinner then. I've been through a ton. There's more I'd like you to know." I told him.

"Caitlin, you don't have to tell me everything. You don't need to give everything to be with me. If you want to, that's fine, but you don't need to."

"It's ok, Sam. I want to." He nodded and we tried to go to sleep. He scooted close to me and wrapped his arm around my waist almost protectively. It was sweet, but it also made me uncomfortable, bringing up memories I didn't want to have. "Sam, um, could you not put your hand there? It uh, makes me uncomfortable." He moved it quickly.

"I'm sorry. Don't be scared to tell me to stop doing something. If it makes you uncomfortable I'll stop. Sorry."

"It's ok. Don't be sorry. You didn't know." He nodded and we went to sleep.