Old Friends

21- Recovery

We got up in the afternoon and joined Dean. "So, I'm sure you two have questions. Feel free to ask and I'll try my best to answer." Sam told us.

"Ok. So, I'm sure we're both wondering what happened, but if you need time, that's cool too. I know I took a while to talk to you about what happened when I went, and I wasn't there nearly as long. My other question is, did Cas get you out?"

"Yes Cas got me out. And yeah I'd like to hold off on explaining if that's ok. There's a lot of messed up stuff."

"That's fine, Sam." Dean replied. We went and got some lunch and just spent some time at the bunker.

"Babe, I'm gonna go lay down if that's ok. My head kinda hurts." Sam told me.

"Of course. Get some rest. If you need anything, let me know." I told him. I was trying to make sure he was ok but I desperately wanted to know what happened so I could help him deal with it. He left and went to lay down. I hung out with Dean and watched tv.

"He'll be ok." Dean stated. He knew I was worried. I just nodded and we went back to watching tv. I suddenly got a text on my phone.

Can I talk to you for a sec?

Sure

"Sam wants to talk to me. I'll be back in a bit." Dean nodded. I walked into my room. "Hey. You ok?"

"Not really. There's a lot going on in my head right now. I just wanted to talk to you because I can tell you're really worried. I'm sorry I'm not talking about it. I promised you we'd have no secrets but I'm keeping this from you." He explained.

"Don't even worry about it, Sam. I get it. I know it's gotta be tough to go through what you have. Yes I want you to tell me, but if you need time, you can have all the time you need. I just want to help you in any way I can."

"I know. I'll tell you eventually. Just know that I love you and I'm not trying to shove you away." He said. He wanted to be sure I wasn't mad at him.

"I know that. Just get some rest, Sam." He nodded and rolled over to sleep some more. I walked back out to Dean. "He's ok. He's tired and has a lot going on in his head, but he's mostly ok."

"That's good."

"Can I ask a question?" I asked Dean.

"Go for it."

"It's about last night when you were out driving at 3am. You can't fool me, Dean. I know what you were doing. Why would you even consider doing that?" I asked.

"I was worried and upset. I needed to do something." He explained.

"Selling your soul was not the answer, Dean. You wouldn't let me, so why does that make it ok for you? I was upset about Sam, but do you honestly think I wouldn't have been upset had you sold your soul? You would have been taken away from me and either way I'd lose someone I love and care about. So how could you want to do that to me?" I asked him. It was so selfish of him.

"Now hold on. That's what you thought I was doing? You really think I'd do that to you?" He asked, somewhat offended.

"That's not what you were doing?" I asked. I was so confused.

"No. I went to a bar to get drunk, ok? I was worried and upset and worried for you. I wanted something to take the edge off so that's where I went. I didn't get super drunk but enough to take the edge off and I was on the way back when you called. I didn't tell you because I thought you'd give me a talk about coping in a more healthy way like Sam always does. I was not going to sell my soul." He insisted.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I shouldn't have assumed, it's just the way it seemed. This isn't a lecture, but don't drink before you drive. Please."

"I get it. Just know I wouldn't do that to you. And I won't drink before I drive anymore, ok?" I nodded. As it grew later, Dean and I were getting hungry. Sam was asleep so I just had Dean get us all something. He returned soon after with a burger for each of us.

"I'll give Sam his. You mind if I hang out in there with him for a while? At least while we eat dinner?" I asked. I didn't want to keep him from Sam.

"Why would I mind?"

"I don't want to keep you from Sam. He's your brother after all." I explained.

"It's fine. You've been without him too. Spend time with him. It's really ok." He assured me.

"Thanks." I walked back into our room and gently woke Sam up.

"What's wrong?" He asked, a little groggy from getting up.

"It's getting late and we got food." I commented. I handed him the burger and joined him on the bed. "You ok? You've been sleeping a lot." He just shook his head.

"No- I-"

"I get it. Sorry. I'll stop bugging you about it."

"Don't be sorry. I know you're worried and that you care. I'm trying not to worry you." He consoled. I sat close to him and we ate our burgers. We tried to joke around about things and talk about things from before but I don't think either of us were fooled by the lighthearted nature of the conversation. We let it slide and joined Dean to watch tv. We hung out for hours before calling it quits around midnight.

The days drug on and Sam seemed to be progressively getting more emotionally withdrawn. "Sammy?" I spoke up cautiously one night when we were laying in bed.

"Yeah babe?" He asked.

"I know you're working through stuff, but will you please tell me about it? I can tell you're hurting. You're getting more and more emotionally withdrawn lately and I don't want you hurting so much." I asked softly.

"Caitlin," he started.

"I get it Sam. I really do, but I hate how much it's hurting you. I want to help you through this."

"Alright. Fine. I'll tell you."

"Do you want me to get Dean in here too?" I asked.

"No. I'll tell him at some point. This is just you and me right now." I nodded and he got ready to begin.