Old Friends

22- Hell

"Be prepared for some tears, ok?" He warned. I nodded and mentally prepared myself. "Ok, so what happened to me is a lot different than what happened to Dean. Dean was tortured and then offered a deal if he tortured others. For me, I had no choice." He let out a sigh. "I was tortured like I've never felt before. They cut and carved and tore into me in ways you can't even imagine. But they didn't stop there. I was forced to not only torture others but I was forced to go topside and hurt or kill people so lucifer could build his army. He would make them demons once I was done. I guess I technically had a choice, but for me there was no other option because of what he would do if I said no. He praised me on the work I did every day and I hated it there. I missed you and Dean and I wondered what you would think of what I had done. I can't believe what I did and had done to me. I wanted to stop. I wanted to so bad but I had to do it." He explained. Tears had been flooding from his eyes throughout the entire story and I felt so bad for him. I was almost in tears as well.

"What would he do if you said no? What was his offer?" I asked gently.

"Let him have you. He needed a vessel that was strong yet unsuspecting to most people. He told me I could stop if I handed you over. I told him no every time. If I didn't do what he said, then he would kill you and Dean." He explained.

"Sam," I started.

"If you're mad, that's fine. Just please don't yell at me. I wasn't gonna give you up." He cut me off.

"I'm not mad. I appreciate what you did for me. I just wish you hadn't had to deal with all that. Torture, hurting others, no wonder you've been so hurt and upset." I commented.

"I feel like I'm becoming the kind of things we hunt. I hurt those people and didn't give it a second thought. Time works differently there. A month up here equals about 10 years down there. I wasn't down there for the entire time, I was out when I was forced to kill people up here, but in general, I spent far longer than you realize down there. It changed me. I'm not the same guy you thought I was. I'm a killer and a monster. And I don't know that we should do this."

"Sam, what are you saying?" I asked with tears in my eyes.

"I don't think you should marry me. I'm not the guy you think I am or want me to be." He stated sincerely.

"Don't say that, baby. Please don't. Do you love me? Do you care about me? Would you want to be with me if it weren't for this stuff?" I asked.

"Yes to all of that. It doesn't matter though. I'm not the same guy."

"I don't care if you are changed. If you love and care about me and I love and care about you, then I want to marry you. Why are you so extra cautious? Are you afraid you're gonna hurt me?" I asked him.

"I've hurt others and I don't want to hurt you too." He explained as another tear fell.

"Sam, I know you. I know you don't get scared of much, so when you do, it's serious. Just relax. You aren't gonna hurt me. I love you, baby. I'd do anything for you. I'm not mad and I know you won't hurt me. You'd never hurt me intentionally. You are not a monster or a killer. You're safe now. Lucifer is gone and he won't get to you again. Not if I can help it." The tears kept coming. It was my turn to comfort him for once. He scooted close to me. I rubbed his back. "Shh. You're safe, Sam. No torture. No torturing. It's over." He eventually calmed down.

"You're really not mad?"

"What would I be mad about?" I asked. I was confused.

"That I hurt people and killed people and tortured people." He explained. I couldn't believe he thought I'd be mad about that.

"I'm not mad at all." I replied. "That's not your fault."

"Good. And please don't take this question the wrong way. I don't think it's true, just lucifer said some stuff to try to get me to give you up and I want to know honestly what's true." He said to preface his question. "Did anything happen between you and Dean while I was dead? He explained that he saw Dean with his arm around you and kiss your forehead and some waitress lady called you lovebirds." He asked.

"Nothing happened. He was being nice and comforting me. That day I had just gotten done crying at your grave. It was the day you died or the day after, I think, actually. We walked to a diner and he was comforting me. His kiss was a brotherly kiss and the waitress saw us walk in like that and assumed we were together. She said lovebirds and I objected and corrected her. Ask Dean." I told him.

"I believe you. He also told me that you had moved on and found a new guy. Is that true, and if so, is it the guy from the ice cream place?"

"Ok. That one was made up completely. I did not find another guy. I waited for you. I'm never gonna be with someone else. I'm not even mad you just basically accused me of cheating with Jason. I know you're upset right now and just getting facts straight. I promise you I waited for you the entire time."

"I believe you. Just making sure I know what happened."

"I get it. So why are you so opposed to telling Dean?" I questioned.

"It's not that I don't want to tell him. It's just that I feel like he'd be more likely to get pissed at me. I'll tell him eventually. Sorry to be springing all this on you."

"Don't be sorry. I'm happy to be here. If there's anything I can do to help you, even if it's just getting you a beer, let me know. I'm here. Let's get some sleep. I love you baby."

"Thanks. I love you too."

"Just curious, are we still on for getting married or are you serious about not doing it?"

"We're getting married." He answered. I nodded and we went to sleep