Old Friends

12- Strained Relationship

The months flew by. It had been a long time since I started officially dating Sam. It would be a year the next day. Things were going pretty well. I wish I could say they were going fantastically but that's what happens when you live with hunters. All the hunts had been putting a strain on our relationship but Sam didn't know that. I didn't tell him because I thought it would upset him and make him feel like I didn't care that he had a job to do. The hunts increased in difficulty and length as time went on and I felt so alone nearly every day. He was hardly home and when he was, I was already asleep. I missed him. One day when they were gone and I had headed to bed, I went to plug in my phone when I couldn't find the charger. I decided to just borrow Sam's until I could find it in the morning because I was too tired to look any harder. I opened the drawer to his side table. His charger was in plain sight, but I noticed a small box. Curious, I opened it only to find the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. I couldn't believe Sam was thinking about proposing. It had been a year but it was so unexpected. He really had no clue how strained the relationship was. I decided to tell him when they got back before he could propose in case he changed his mind.

Suddenly I heard the door to the bunker shut. I couldn't help the tears. I didn't want to ruin everything. I loved him, but I was feeling the strain from all the hunts. I would say yes to him but I didn't know if I should with how I had been feeling. I put the box back and climbed back in bed. I plugged my phone in and laid there. The tears kept coming. Sam came in soon after. He instantly rushed to me. "What's wrong, baby?" He asked gently.

"We need to talk." I stated sadly. Another tear fell down my face. He joined me on the bed.

"Talk to me. What's wrong? Did I do something?" He asked.

"Sam, I love you, but all this hunting is taking its toll on me. You're never here and when you are, I'm almost always asleep. I hardly see you, you come home hurt half the time, I just- I feel like you aren't really here for me anymore. I've been feeling alone a lot. I just miss you. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to say that your job isn't important. I know it is, but I feel like I'm losing you." I told him. He wrapped an arm around me.

"How long have you been feeling like this?"

"Quite a while." I replied cautiously.

"Caitlin, why didn't you tell me? Did you really think I'd be mad? I can cut back a little on the hunting. That's not a problem at all. Coming home hurt isn't really a choice. It goes the way it goes. I'm not trying to seem like I'm not here for you anymore. I'm still here if you ever want to talk or whatever and I know you're not saying my job isn't important. You feel like I'm never home and I can't believe I didn't see that. I should be apologizing, not you. I'm so so sorry. I love you. I hope you know that." He told me sincerely. He meant every word and I could tell that. I knew he loved me and it was evident by how much he cared when he talked to me.

"I know you haven't been trying to do all of what I said. I'm not mad. I'm just upset that this has all been happening. I know you love me, Sam. I love you too." I replied.

"Why were you so upset when you were telling me? It's not like I'm mad."

"I didn't want you to think I don't support you in hunting or support you saving people." I answered. "I try to support you and I want to be sure you see that."

"I know you support me. Don't be so hard on yourself. I just can't believe I didn't notice you were feeling this way. I'm serious, I'll cut back a tad on hunting." He insisted.

"It's ok. I'm not mad at you. And if you can, that'd be great." I added.

"I'll go talk to Dean." He returned soon after. "He said he's cool with us slowing it down a bit." I nodded.

"Hey Sam, remind me in the morning to give you your phone charger back and to search for mine by the way. I couldn't find mine so I got yours from the drawer in your table." I told him. Both so he knew I had his charger and also because I was so curious about the ring. I didn't know when he was planning on it or if. He gave me a cautious glance and one that made me feel nervous. "Yes, Sam. I saw it." I told him shyly.

"Oh." He replied.

"I didn't mean to pry. I was just curious what it was and I opened it and wish I hadn't. You're really serious about marrying me?" I explained. He didn't answer. "Say something, Sammy. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. You were just curious. I should have hid it better. Yes I was intending to marry you. I was planning something out, but now that you know, I guess there's not much of a point." He said sadly.

"You can still do whatever you're planning if you want. I don't know your plans. I just know that you have one." I offered.

"You'll get suspicious though. You'd know the second I did it. There's no way to ask you that's memorable. At least not the way I wanted to." He added sadly.

"I'm sorry, Sam. I really am." I told him before I rolled over. I ruined his plans. I ruined it all. It wasn't a surprise now. He sounded so disappointed.

"Caitlin, I'm not mad. Don't cry. Please. Please don't cry. I don't care that you looked. I just had a cute way I was gonna propose and now I can't."

"Will you tell me what it was?" I asked softly.

"Sure. Well, our last name is Winchester as you know, Winchester is also a type of gun and Dean and I use guns on a regular basis and you have shot a few yourself over the years. I was gonna go shoot a target in the shape of a ring on one page and a question mark on another. Dean and I already built the targets I was gonna shoot. They have targets to hit so I could actually make the right shape. I was going to bring them back here and have you look at them in the light until you figured it out." He told me. It was adorable. It was the perfect amount of dorkiness and cleverness. I loved it.

"That would have been so cool! When were you planning on asking?" I asked.

"Honestly, tomorrow. Tomorrow is our 1 year anniversary so I was gonna do it. But let me ask, has all this hunting stuff been too much of a strain on you and our relationship? I don't want to ask if you aren't ready to take that step. I can wait."

"Yes it's put a strain on it, but it's not something we can't get past. You can still ask me."

"Ok. I love you, baby. I always have."

"I love you too. You mean the world to me, Sam."

"Same here." He replied. He snuggled close to me and we went to sleep.