GERARD'S POV
What the fuck did I do?
Frank was only gone for about an hour, until I realized how much I need him. I started to cry. I hit the ground so hard bruises started forming on my knuckles.
About two hours later, Mikey kicked down my door. He immediately picked me up and brought me downstairs. It was easy for him to carry me. I didn't weigh a lot.
I could smell coffee being made, and five minutes later I was surrounded by Mikey and Ray. They were asking so many questions I went crazy.
I couldn't take all the words in. I purposely poured the hot coffee over my head. It hurt like a bitch, but I liked it. I fell to the ground and sobbed.
You're a weak disgrace to the Earth and Frank is much better off without you, the voice inside my head told me.
Mikey and Ray were trying to pull me up, and due to the coffee on my hands, they failed.
I was a mess.
Voices were scrambled. I could no longer tell who was talking or what they were saying. I couldn't see. Everything was black. Then the voices cut out.
I woke up on my couch, a worried Mikey running over to me.
"GERARD YOU FUCKING SCARRED ME DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!" he yelled.
I started to cry again.
I curled into a ball. I tried to hide in my hoodie, but I found out I didn't have one on.
The scars on my arms were clearly visible, the newest ones being from only a few days ago.
I blanked off for half an hour before I was brought back to the real world by the door closing.
Ray was carrying three tubs of ice cream. He set them in the freezer, and sat down next to Mikey.
"Explain." My brother said.
"Explain what?" I said back
"Explain your arms. Explain why Frank ran out of the house sobbing. Explain why you poured your coffee over yourself and blacked out for two hours."
"You already know I used to cut Mikey, there isn't much to explain."
"For fucks sake Gerard, some of those scars look only a day old!"
And I was caught. After Frank came along, I got happier, and then I fell again.
"That's because they are..." I said as one tear rolled down my cheek.
Ray got up, saying he had to go to the bathroom.
"You promised Gee! You promised you wouldn't resort to that again! I told you to come to me if anything was wrong, and not to your fucking razors! I know I should've thrown them away when I had the chance!" Mikey was balling.
I felt real' bad. I broke my promise to Mikey and now he probably hates me. I knew what I had to do.
I grabbed Mikey's hand and walked into my room. I reached into the pile of clothes, that just seemed to always be there until I got to a small wooden box.
Mikey went pale. He's seen the box before; I know he has. It was the box that had all my razors in it.
I dumped the razors into my hand, and Mikey gasped.
"Gerard I swear to god if you even think of giving yourself a minor paper cut with those things again I will end you"
But actually, I was doing the opposite. I walked into the bathroom, threw the bloodstained metal objects in the toilet and flushed it. My breath hitched a little.
Mikey looked like he was about to pass out.
"Gerard... I-"
"Save it."
I needed some fresh air. I needed to go anywhere but here.
So I ran.
It was midnight, raining, and I didn't have a sweatshirt. I sure as hell wasn't going back to the house.
I started walking. I didn't know where I was going, and I let my body make the moves. I ended up sitting in a park. I sat on the swings, my wet hair falling in front of my face.
I cried, again. I cried until the police showed up and told me I couldn't be here. They offered me a ride home, but I couldn't. I just walked to the next park I found.
At three in the morning, a set of headlights shone in my face. I was about to fall asleep on the bench, hoping that someone would just think I was another homeless person.
But, sadly, the headlights belonged to Ray.
As soon as I realized it was him, I got up and ran. I didn't get very far before my knees buckled and I fell. I hit my head on the concrete, and the last thing I felt was the pool of blood resting next to my head, before I blacked out.
I woke up to sirens blaring and lights flashing. I was being carried on a stretcher into an ambulance, so I started thrashing. Soon, I blacked out again.
The next time I woke up, all I heard was the faint beep beep beep of the monitor next to my bed. It was a sound I was all too familiar with.
Then, nurses rushed in. I was overwhelmed. I started to freak out, and my breaths started getting raspier and shorter. They all tried to talk to me, but I wouldn't talk back.
I reached for a pen and piece of paper, filled with random words. I flipped to the other side and wrote seven words.
"I will only talk to Frank Iero."
