Stockholm Syndrome (Larry Stylinson)

Fucked Up

Get ready for this shit storm. :)

Chapter 33:

HARRY

I hated everything! I hated the thought of living. Living without Louis. There was just so much pain trapped inside of me. He was the only one that could ease that pain. Nothing else would help. Nothing could take it all away.

I walked back to the room I was sharing with Niall and slammed the door shut, already crying heavily. My chest was heaving with how badly I was crying, and I had a major headache, but I didn't care. Everything could hurt if it took away the emotional pain I was feeling- the longing craving I had to Louis deep inside of me. It seemed to eat me up, and I loved how it hurt.

I loved feeling the pain becauae at least I still felt something towards Louis. He cared enough to cause me pain, right? Yeah. I was losing my mind, but that didn't matter to me right now. All that mattered was the battered hole in my heart, the many shards it broke into that didn't seem to fit together again. You could fix it, but there will always be holes and uneven parts that only Louis could truly mend.

I sat on the bed and cried, feeling stupid. Lost. Useless. Like nothing. I was nothing. What a fool I was to think I was ever something, let alone someone's everything. It hurt too much, but nothing I said or did could take away the pain- the massive stinging inside of me. I felt as if Louis cut me open only to watch me bleed.

I sat there, crying for so long, and then the door opened. I chastised myself for getting my hopes up that it was Louis. I turned and saw it was Niall, looking at me with so much sympathy and sadness on his face.

"Don't do that." I croaked out, and he looked confused. "Don't look at me like I'm pathetic and broken when I already know it. I know I've lost him, and I'm nothing without him." I sat still for a while and then cried out "Niall, what did I do wrong?"

There were too many tears in my eyes to see things right. Everything was covered in a blurry mess, but wiping my eyes was completely futile. New tears seemed to surface right after anyways. I could only imagine how red they were and how it made me look. Ugly. Too ugly for Louis to love.

"Harry, you're not pathetic, but you are broken. And it's okay to be broken. You told me that. When I used to cry from being picked on and bullied, I said I felt broken inside. You told me it's okay to be broken, as long as you fight and pick up the pieces of yourself again." He said, and I shook my head.

"I didn't know then. I didn't know what it felt like. I knew that I felt pain. I felt lost back then, but never truly broken. Not until now. And it hurts like hell, Niall. God, I have no idea how you ever went through this feeling! It's like your heart is shattered and the pieces are just stabbing at your chest, causing so many wounds you'd be lucky not to bleed out." I said.

He came and sat beside me on the bed and I leaned against him, resting my head on his shoulder as I cried my tears. "That's because you've never felt heartbreak, Harry. You've never known what it felt like. The first time is always the hardest time. But you can survive. You will. If it didn't work out, maybe give it time, but you also have to reason with yourself and see that maybe the person you love so much isn't meant to be yours." He said, and it killed me that he was speaking from self-experience.

I took my head off of his shoulder and stood up, walking away from him. "Fuck." I cried out. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" I yelled, slamming my fist against the wall. I was angry at myself. Not at Niall. Not at Louis. Not at anybody. Only at myself. I was the one who messed things up. I was the reason everything was falling apart. I just had to fall in love with my kidnapper!

"How can you still be my friend if this is how I made you feel?" I asked Niall, not even daring to look at him. "How the hell do you even look at me everyday. This hurts, Niall! It hurts and it feels like I'm not even alive. But somehow the pain won't numb out." I said, putting my head against the wall and just standing there, crying.