i don't know what i wanted from him.
i don't know if i wanted
an apology, a hello,
a hug, or a goodbye,
but, to be honest,
maybe all i wanted was him to be there
breathing, thinking, existing,
right next to me.
he turned to me
and set his keys on the shingles.
"are we friends?" he asked.
i was surprised by his question,
but i don't really know what
i expected him to say.
"i don't know what you mean,"
i told him.
he paused, obviously in thought.
"do you consider us...close?"
"not as close as we used to be,"
i answered.
"not as close as i want us to be."
he sighed, shaking his head.
"it's my fault."
i wanted to tell him no,
but i remained silent
because there was still
a small part of me that felt like
i should blame him.
he ran his hands through his hair.
"i should have been there for you."
he looked at me for a reply,
for forgiveness,
for something,
for anything.
"you can't blame yourself for everything,"
i responded, but he did not seem convinced.
"you were busy that summer, i remember.
you were being trained as the quarterback,
and you had to put in a lot of hours.
that was important, levi;
that was your beginning.
i never want you to regret your training,
and the experience and skills you gained,
because you missed my calls, cut our time short,
and couldn't sit with me in my bedroom all day.
you needed to be on that field,
you needed to practice your throws,
you needed to be in your room, going over plays..."
"...you needed to focus on football,
and not me. "
i sighed.
"i think i'm selfless enough to believe that."
// a.n. well now you guys know some more about levi
there's still a lot more mystery though (;
random question: well i'm going on college tours next week, so if you guys could go to any university where would you go? //
