i didn't need my alarm clock to wake me up
since i had been awake the whole night anyway.
still, i got out of bed,
had my breakfast,
brushed my teeth,
and washed my face,
like any other morning.
i stepped back into my room,
picking pieces of clothing off the floor,
not even knowing
or caring,
if they matched.
eventually i changed, put on my makeup,
and walked out the door, a big tumbler of coffee in my hand.
"bye mom, bye--" i stopped,
remembering that my dad wasn't in the house,
and wouldn't be for at least the next week.
he was never around when he got a new case.
so i got in my car and drove on the familiar path
towards oak harbor high school.
and while the drive was second nature to me now,
i felt disoriented; nothing felt right,
nothing looked right.
but soon, sooner than expected,
i arrived at the parking lot
and sat in my car;
i was at least half an hour early.
instead of feeling excited
to see my friends,
to talk about the summer,
to begin again, like last year never happened,
i was sad,
too sad.
after all,
i was a senior.
it was the first day
of my last year,
but septemeber eighth felt no different
than september seventh
or sixth,
or fifth.
the time passed by, rushed by,
and every second hurt.
soon enough, i was numb to the pain,
and each day
felt like yesterday,
like nothing ever changed.
but some days,
the numbness subsides,
the pain stings,
my mind fills with smoke,
and i'm left sifting through the ashes.
today was one of those days.
all i could think about was that
he should have been here with me.
he should have been next to me,
in the passenger seat.
he should have been staring wide-eyed,
he should have been ecstatic and scared and nervous,
all at he same time.
i would have told him,
"it's all gonna be alright
because i'm here with you."
and he would have laughed,
saying that he didn't need me.
but i would have recognized the
deer in headlights look
that i had on my first day of high school.
so i would have ruffled his hair,
and he would have punched my arm.
and i would watch him run out the car door.
i would watch him meet his friends
under the freshman tree.
today, he should have turned around and waved at me.
today, i should have been waving back.
// a.n. SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG FOR AN UPDATE. but it's summer now yay ((that means more updates))
i hope you guys are still liking the story; i'm really excited to keep writing!!
random question: what is your "song of the summer"? (like a song that's probably going to be your favorite throughout the summer) i have a couple right now, but i would love some song recommendations if you guys have them (:
also, do yall like the new cover??? //
