Just Kidding

Best Song Ever

||okay, I know All Too Well is thought to be about Jake G, but for the sake of the story line, lets pretend its about Harry.||

Taylor.

I was performing my favorite song off of RED and the entire time I was thinking about Harry. Of course I also thought about everyone watching and finding something to judge me, but I cared more about what Harry thought, if he watched.

As I started performing, it all came back to me. And it wasn't a traditional movie memory that played every detail. I've stayed up at night, trying to remember exactly what happened but I can't.

It's been a year and all I have left is blurry memories and packages from him. I've been too nervous to open them and see what's inside. I know they're my things that I've left in his car or at his house. I don't have the courage to send back his things. It's selfish to say, but I want them for myself.

I'm not angry with him anymore, either. I've moved on from our relationship. I've really worked on my writing and improved who I am.

I wrote him a letter. I think that's what helped me move on. Writing down how I felt and sharing my feelings with him helped. I don't if he read it, I never got a reply. But I don't care. As long as he saw it, and knows I still think about him, I'm good.

This song just reminds me of when it was bad. The bad memories of him and me come back in flashes.

I still feel we are meant for each other but I won't push it on him. This time it's up to fate.

I can still remember the day I got a small box in the mail from him. I already knew that it was probably my jewelry that I lost over there. Two weeks later I got another oackage, this time it was bigger. It sounded like clothing sliding around when I shook it.

Then I got a heavier box a week after. I know it was The Great Gastby because I wanted to start reading it, but I never got to because Harry was around.

I didn't get anything for a while until he sent a text message out of the blue. He just said that he was going to keep my scarf. It took me twenty minutes to come up with a decision if I should text him back or not. So I texted him back, asking "which scarf?".

He never replied after that.

Every now and then I'd get asked about him. I usually try to subtly talk about him as much as I can. I talked about how he spoiled me and how exciting it was to watch him get a tattoo. Never actually saying who with or when.

I talked, hoping he would hear about it and know that I still thought about him. I'm a lost cause I know, but I can't help myself. There's something strangely satisfying knowing you're trying even though you know it's over.

When I sang the last line, I felt disappointed and happy at the same time. I was so lucky to be here tonight, but I wish it was a different time.

Instead of smiling or standing up, I stayed seated and stared at the crowd until the lights went low.

~

It's nights like these that I can't think straight. Nights that I'm alone and its raining outside. Not just physically alone, I feel like if I called Selena or Ed, I'd sound desperate for attention and invade their personal life because I'm feeling sorry for myself.

Instead of dwelling on calling them, I sat and stared at the rain through my window. I started humming to myself when it was too quiet.

"All you had to do was stay," I sang, "I wish you would come back, wish you knew that I still love you,"

It was all a mess.

I got up and grabbed my phone, dialing Harry's number. He picked up his phone, sounding groggy as hell.