Just Kidding

Strong

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Taylor.

STAY!

It was still raining while I walked into Starbucks. I ordered a caffienated drink and went back out to my car.

It was official. They both had talked about each other with so much love. Harry's never talked about me like that. He's just walked around the question and made it seem like I was just a fan.

I did nothing wrong. He's gonna miss me sooner or later.

So now I'm on my way to another meeting with Arial. She wants to talk about the next few months and how I'm supposed to talk about my album and music, blah blah.

When I got into the office, it was the same procedure, just with different people. And I can't help but remember the first time I met Harry.

It was backstage at the KCA's. One Direction was called for an award and I was incredibly happy, having been a fan of them before. Niall was the first I saw come from the other side of the curtain.

I remember feeling my heart beat so slow. I've never expierenced that when I saw a boy. Usually my heart beats so fast and hard that I actually have to sit down.

I guess, now that I think about it, my heart never reacted that way. I was always calm when I was panicking. That's strange to think about. Even my heart now, while I'm thinking about him, has no strong reaction.

I press my hand to my chest, where my heart is. Doom, doom doom. Doom, doom doom. It's such a strong beat but it's calm.

It's like sitting on the beach at 4 in the morning. The waves are crazy, but it's so peaceful you can fall asleep. I've been feeling that way lately.

"Taylor." Arial tapped my shoulder. "Pay attention."

~

He kicked a rock, making it skip and roll down the hill. It was a quiet night. Nothing but the whistle of the wind.

He turned around and smiled at me, I smiled back. He kept the throwing rocks into the ocean while I wrote in my book. Finally, I felt him plop beside me and put his arm around my waist.

"What'cha writing?" He asked, being bubbly and kid-ish.

"Nothing." I closed my book and moved it away from his reach.

"I want to see," he reached for it. "Lemme see it." He laughed and kept trying to grab my book. I was fighting him off the whole time, trying to be serious.

Eventually, the cliché-ness of it all, we were wrestling for a bit and he ended up on top of me. But we didn't have the look that most people in movies do. He just kissed me.

He fell on top of me when I fell on the floor, and then he kissed me. I was sort of frozen in place for a while.

"Who is Calvin?" He demanded. It took me by surprise so I had to ask what he was talking about. "Come on, Tay. Who is Calvin and why are you dating him?" He got off me. I stood up and wiped my pants.

"My relationship status is none of your business." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"It is my business." He rolled his eyes and plopped down. "I don't like.." He stopped and looked away from me, "I don't like the thought of you with someone who isn't me." He stood up and glared at me.

I had to take a step back. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I'm happy to hear that he is jealous, if that, but it's amusing. And I wanted to crawl into his arms and have him take me away for the night, but I'm an adult and this is real life.

"You don't get to say things like that, Harry."

"Why not? Taylor, this is ridiculous. I love you, you love me. Why aren't we together?" He moved closer to me, holding my hands in his.

"You love me?" I chuckled out of disbelief. "You love me, Harry?" I asked again. "Because you love me, you never once showed interest in a future with me? And all of this back and forth nonsense about loving me but not being with me? Because you love me. And not to mention your girlfriend!" I yelled. "You hurt me, Harry. You hurt me and I don't even think you realise the amount of hurt you've put me through."

"I'm sorry, Taylor. I've grown up, a lot." He begged.

"You left." I reminded him. "You left me like I was nothing, like I was a one night stand and you had to get out as fast as you could." I shrugged.

It was a sickening silence that filled the space between us now. I was too busy trying not to cry to notice that Harry was. I couldn't look at him, he knows what it does to me to see him cry like that.

"I'm really sorry, Taylor. I'm not a happy person and I know I don't look it, but I'm not. I feel like shit everywhere I go and you," I looked at him when he said that. "I'm so happy when I'm with you. I hate that. I hate when people are depending on others to bring them joy. So what did I do? I blew it. I left before I got left. I can't tell you enough how sorry I am for all of the shit I put you through. I'm an idiot, I know, but you have to believe me when I tell you that you, you make me so happy." He said through sniffles. He wiped under his eyes and nose, looking at the ground.

"I get it, Harry. I really understand, but we didn't work. No matter how much you say you love me, time proves that we don't work right now." I cupped his cheeks. "I have a special place in my heart for you, Harry, but it's time we move on for now." I looked deep into his puffy green eyes, the eyes that threw me down Alice's rabbit hole. I could see everthing and nothing in those deep green eyes of his.