Just Kidding

Wolves

Taylor.

He was looking at me. I tried to ignore him. I stared at the flashing lights of eager photographers, hoping no one sees right through me.

He was glancing around while gripping her waist close to his. I can't complain, I'm standing next to Calvin. But it still stings for some reason.

And it's not like I have a reason. We haven't spoken for a really long time. I tried sending him a track from the album but I never got a response, and I don't know if he even listened to it.

But I won't let him bring me down.

~

When One Direction won, they all ran up on stage. I looked at Calvin for some reason. He gripped my hand and smiled softly. I smiled and then whispered in his ear.

"Do you think he listened to it?" I asked him. He kept staring at the stage, both of us knowing that cameras were on us and the crowd.

The second I looked back at the stage, they weren't there anymore. I felt sad. I felt like I forgot something or I was meant to do something.

Like I was supposed to make eye contact or run up there. I feel like I should've done something. Knowing I didn't do anything, and that I missed the whole speech, I feel horrible. I wonder what Harry thinks, if he's mad or upset that I didn't pay attention.

Wait, why do I care? He was probably looking at Kendall or something. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not as important to him anymore.

~

At the after party, I felt much better. Harry wasn't here, neither was Kendall. I did catch up with Louis and Niall, though. They treated me the same as they always have, and I was grateful.

We took some picures and then most of them went to party on the dance floor. Well, except for Ed. I almost laughed at the Deja Vu.

"Why don't you drink, Taylor?" He slurred.

"I feel like we are in this situation too often..." I laughed.

"Taylor, I'm not drunk." He lazily smiled.

"Hm." I shook my head at him.

He sighed a deep, dramatic sigh, and looked at me. I asked him what was up and he just shook his head.

"You know what I really like?" He said. "I like monkeys. Cheeky, green eyed, dimpled up monkeys." He said to me. I rolled my eyes, now feeling shame. "Listen," he pointed his finger at me and tried to be stern.

"I also like swan's." He looked at me. "They are very noble, almost too noble," I giggled, "but they're very pretty and intelligent." He pointed his finger again. "Imagine if you put the Swan with the monkey. What kind of reaction would you expect?" He asked me.

"Truly the worst idea anyone could ever have." I nodded my head once.

"Oh, they would be terrible together. The worst match since Donny and Marie." We both laughed. "But! They were perfect for each other." He got serious. "He was just a dumb monkey that had a lot of fun, teaching her how to have fun and be herself. She was too smart for him and actually taught him a lesson or two. In the end, they tragically died, because they were both stupid." He nodded his head and finished what was left in his drink.

"Ed," I said.

"No." He barked. "You both are idiots...but it's done and over with right?" He asked.

I wanted so badly to nod my head and confirm that it was in the past, but I still hope that it's me and Harry in the end. I won't try to ruin his relationship or possibly my career, but if the timing was right and he was ready, I'd love another chance at what could have been.

"Good. Now drink something." Ed ignored my hesitation and walked to the bar.

~

I was spending time with my mom and Austin when I received a text. I got up from the couch and checked it.

There was a text from Harry, and a media file. The text was very short but he put a smiling emoji at the end of it.

"Have a listen." I read out loud. "I have to make a phone call, I'll be back shortly." I told Austin and my mom.

I walked outside, sitting on the swing. It was a song that Harry was singing. I couldn't tell whether I should be happy or if I should stop listening.

I don't know if he listened to the song I sent him. If he did listen to it, why hasn't he said anything? If he didn't listen to it, I shouldn't be listening to his-

"Sometimes when I hear your name, a smile creeps on my face." Oh.

I have noticed that. When he's on certain interviews that I happen to catch, when something about me is mentioned, he grins. And it's a caring grin. Almost like he knows something he shouldn't, but I know that he is just reminiscing.

"I love you. More than you think I do. And I love you. Now you don't want me too."

"I didn't come back back and I wasn't there, I won't trouble you no more." I had tears in my eyes by the end.

I don't feel sad. I'm not overcome with happiness. But I'm not upset. I love that he, personally, sent me the song and that I didn't have to be tagged in it and have to find it myself.

My mom came outside and smiled when she saw me. "What's wrong, honey?" She asked. She sat down next to me.

"Nothing." I smiled with the tears in my eyes. I showed her my phone, letting her replay the song.

I closed my eyes and listened to every word, every note, every chord, and just listened.

When the end came around, I felt like I knew every lyric. When I opened my eyes, I saw my mom holding her hand over her mouth, and a smile on her face.

When Harry met my mom for the first time, he told her that it wouldn't be the only time they met. That there would be plenty of time for them to bond.

It's funny to think about that type of stuff now, because he said that he didn't see us together in the future. It's funny because I remember a few times when he would reference something that meant there was a future.