New York Detectives (Book 3)

Chapter 35

"What did you do?" she asked into the phone and I sighed again, leaning against a street light.

"I left him alone when he needed me, and I didn't ask him if he was alright. I was a selfish bitch and I gave in, Mary. I fucking gave in and shot up." I confessed, my words coming out in a rush and slightly slurred from the tears.

Mary had been silent and I knew she had her hand pressed against her forehead, thinking.

"That was stupid, Destiny. That really was. How much did you take?" she asked and I closed my eyes, trying to think.

"No more than an ounce." I stated and she sighed again.

"OK, an ounce is easy to work with, but you'll be OK."

"Mary, I don't know if I can do this. I've messed up more times than I can count! Why do I have to face the fact that when I wake up, I will remember that I'm the cause of my parents abuse. I'll be the cause of Emily's death. I'll be the cause of taking drugs upon drugs. I'll be the cause of my child's death. And I'm the cause of Sherlock's hate." I sobbed into the phone and Mary was silent again.

"Because you always want to be the hero of it all, Destiny. You wanted to be the hero. Your parents abuse will never be your fault, neither will everything you've said, but you wanted to save Emily that day. You wanted to have a bad girl past, just saying you were badass wasn't enough for you. You chose to follow those people and save Nathan instead of calling Sherlock. And honey, Sherlock doesn't hate you."she said, her voice had raised but lowered at the ending and I nodded. Agreeing.

"I'm no where near being a hero though, am I?" I asked and she sighed for the third time in ten minutes.

"Sadly, you're not." she said and I laughed, pushing myself from the pole and walking.

"I'm sure you'll want to find a new Maid of honor, huh?" I asked, ready to be seated in the back of the wedding.

"Hell no, Des. You're not ditching out on the wedding that easy. I've got choices and I need your opinion. John isn't a help at all!" she complained and I laughed.

"And my wedding dress shopping is next week, and my bridesmaids aren't that big of a help, and I need your opinion on John's choices because he's doing a crap job at that." she joked and I heard John try to defend himself in the background.

"Alright, alright. I'll resume my honor duties when I return. Maybe after I get several hours of sleep, first." I said and Mary laughed.

"I knew you'd say that. Now, I know you're dying to ask if Sherlock called, and if so... What did he say? He did call and yes. He's mad, but not at you, Honey. He's mad that he was, and I quote, "stupid enough to agree for you to go on this case", unquote. So, in smaller terms, he is mad at himself. So don't take anything to heart." Mary said and I chuckled, shaking my head.

"Mary, that's... that's awfully kind of you to say that, but you weren't there. What he said to me, the voice he used to say it... It was him. All of him. He had this look on his face, and I was selfish, Mary. I was a selfish whore and let Sherlock grieve by himself, then I left. Then he had to worry about me while I was prancing around, getting slapped my Mrs Viner then her daughter. Buying a motorcycle, and went and visited Emily. Figured out that Nathan was using my job to get me to come back, and I beat the shit out of him. Went back to Memory Lane and grabbed all of my teenage things. "

Mary had kept silent for a bit, then I heard shuffling and a door closing.
"Yeah, that was a selfish move to do. But, come now. Stop, because you're gonna do something stupid. So go back to the house and get ready to come back to London. I'll be here with open arms and a small welcome home party." she said and I laughed, nodding.