More Reasons I Love Glee

CHAPTER 11 CORY

I do realise that I haven’t written anything here for a long time. And I think you all know the reason. We all lost someone very special to us and I think that it will be something that causes us pain to think about for the rest of our lives. Because when you lose someone so suddenly it’s bound to hurt and this is no exception.

I have a confession. I have never lost a friend or a family member before. Never had somebody close to me died. Until last month.

Cory Montieth was the first person that I have loved that has died and it was such a shock. Because until then I had seen people’s reactions to death in books and movies and TV and from other people’s lives. But never had it happened to me.

But I did love Cory he was an inspiration and an idol to me and losing him made me understand how it felt. The pain, the confusion, the denial, the despair, the wishing and the hoping. I now understand how Kurt and Finn and Katniss and Harry Potter and all the fictional characters I loved, must have felt when the people they cared about died.

And I think that we can all agree it’s the worst feeling in the world, worse than being bullied, or getting yelled at, worse than the first day of school and worse than stepping on a Lego brick.

I see all these pictures saying he didn’t die he took the midnight train going anywhere and I really wish it was true.

There was one day that I just broke down in the garden at sunset and started sobbing, so I knelt there on the grass and preyed. I don’t believe in God, I’m not religious but I prayed to Cory. I said I was sorry and that I wish he wasn’t done and that I loved him and that he world loved him and I promised to visit his grave and to support Lea and that if I ever met her I’d tell her how much I admired her and how strong and beautiful she is. 

I also said this “God, I don’t know if you can hear me or even if you’re real, but if you are, if you can, look after Cory.”

I lit a candle for him and I don’t go a day without stopping to think about him and Lea. Because that is what will keep him alive. Our thoughts of him. He’s alive in our hearts.

Lea is being so strong and I really do admire her for how she is coping with this, she really is amazing and I feel so horrible for her and I really think that if I were her, I wouldn’t be anywhere as confident and together as she is now.

I can’t go a day without remembering his death, but in those moments that I think of him, I think of him alive and happy, on set, with Lea, in interviews, or as Finn.

There are songs that remind me of him and they make me cry, but when I listen to him or watch him at his best it brings him alive and reminds me of the good times, it makes me happy to think that he improved so many lives the way he did mine.

Cory Montieth was an amazing person and I will never stop shedding tears over him. I will never stop remembering him. I will never stop watching and listening to him. I will never stop loving him and neither will Lea and neither will you! We will keep him alive in our memories.

Cory is a very special man, and he is, is and always will be another reason that

I LOVE GLEE.