THE BLIND GLASS RAGE

9

a/n: alrighty, so the eassy josh wrote in here, i wrote, so its not on the internet or anything :))

also!! i want tyler to top in this story but im not sure

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There was never going to be a decent enough amount of words to accurately express how much emotion I felt whenever I saw Noah and Josh together. It was pain and confusion. Pain was the most prominent, though at its finest, in the form that starts as a small flame, only to progress to a wildfire in your chest, and it's one of those times where I wished I wasn't so invincible, or made myself out to be, because my lungs were completely burnt and helpless and depleted, but they still worked, because I taught them that they had to. I was so full of false pride, I've made it so that I can't fall. My safety net was gone, as much as I hated to admit it, because, here I was, doing anything in the world to forget what I was feeling. To forget that no one else felt the way I did now. Like they didn't want their best friend to be happy, because there was something they wanted from them. And that's how I felt. I felt like Noah and Josh shouldn't be a thing, and like I wanted to make decisions for him, and have him and Noah end whatever they had going on.

Nothing could be done about it, though, which is what I realized when I woke in Joe's bed, with her hair splayed across the pillow she was laying on, along with my face. The blonde strands were attachted to the tears on the skin of my cheeks, and I clenched my jaw at the thought of crying in my sleep. The tears were there, though, streaking my face and slathering my skin like they got the upmost amount of joy from making me seem idiotic and weak and pointless. Naturally, I tried to take them off of me when I first woke, trying to make myself look like my skin was just red for no real reason, and that it definitely wasn't tears. I'm sure Joe wouldn't question it, though, considering our bodies were bare and we had sex last night and there was just a lot more to be concerned over.

Thankfully, I ended up on the outside of the bed, with her closest to the wall, which made it easier to leave. I felt bad, knowing it would look like I was leaving, leaving if she woke, but I wasn't comfortable naked, and god, I can't fucking believe that I had sex with her. And it's not like she wasn't worthy of intercourse, but I wasn't, and I slid my shirt over my head as best as I could with how much my body was quivering.

My phone was on the floor, and I was in the middle of an emotional battle with no one but myself, and I didn't even know what both sides were fighting for, but they both quieted as soon as I turned my phone on, and saw Josh's contact name. It was eerie, almost how calm I became in his presence (though he wasn't even with me), and I took a deep breath, and took my shaking fingers across the screen as I unlocked it. And I read the full thing, and he needed me, and my heart stammered in my chest.

"Joe," I whispered, moving over to the side of her bed, and pushing her hair over, moving it out of the way. "Joe, wake up."

"Hey," she spoke, though her eyes were not open. "You leavin'?"

"I've got class," I spoke, and it wasn't a lie, either, and I wish I knew why we attended a party on Sunday. "I'll see you later, okay?"

She smiled, but said nothing else. Which worked for me, because I doubt I had a response.

~~~

"The door's open," I heard Josh say, right when I came up on their dorm, that, according to Josh, had the door wipe open. He was mumbling against something, it sounded, and I had a feeling Noah and him were kissing again, and the agony in my chest was vibrant and strong, once again, when I thought about how Josh cried to me in the middle of the night. Did he cry to Noah like that? "Tyler's coming by soon. We can't make out in front of him."