THE BLIND GLASS RAGE

11

a/n: get ready for the drama alrighty alrighty

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Never, in my life, did I predict that I would ever romantically love anyone so badly that it hurt to think about it. Or that my body would ache whenever I was apart from someone, because I desired everything about them, aside from the distance that would come with them. Or that that person would be a boy, and not a girl. Not that I had any problem with that. It just wasn't who I figured myself to be, is all. Which was really not fair to anyone I spoke to, because everything about me was something I assumed, and never anything I knew. All I was certain of, was my love for filming, and for Josh.

When I woke up, a week after Josh and I almost died in a car crash, something felt heavy. Like some sense of impending doom was spilling over all of us, and I felt it all day long. During my photography class, the rain fucking poured down on he roof of the university, and I could hear it, and it irritated me. The gentle pitter-patter, before it converted into something loud and volatile and angry, and it distracted me, and did not calm me. It evoked something from me that was completely opposite from the meaning of calm, and I was having a very difficult time trying to find anything nice to think about while I worked.

I was still trying to throw my focus onto filtering pictures again, when I got back to my dorm, and figured I would never be calm again after seeing what I had. And I was tired, and the earth kept spinning around me without giving a fuck as to whether or not I stayed caught up or not, but there was a large chance I never actually wanted, or had the energy, to catch up ever again.

Parker, Audrey and I grew into a really, really good pair of friends through the past two and a half months, and seeing Parker in the state he was in really threw me off, and set a strong amount of fear and anger and apprehension and disbelief in my stomach.

He was on the floor with hunched shoulders, with shaky arms and puke coming straight from his mouth, and there wasn't anything I could think of that was logical, aside from trying to figure out a way to get Audrey down here.

I've never even imagined him allowing himself to be as upset as he was. He was wailing, almost, with the sounds he was making being torn from him over and over, and I felt absolutely awful for him. Whatever it was, he was one of the only people in the world that I could confidently say didn't deserve it, seeing as he knew how to deal with me, and trusted me enough to think that the bad things about me weren't actually that bad.

"What happened to you?" I questioned, trying to find it in me to be somewhat sensitive and gentle in a moment that may, or may not have, needed it. "Parker, what-"

"Motherfucker. My dad fucking died," he screamed, and I tried not to say anything or show any emotion or feed into the anger he was feeling that was much more prominent than the sad, and I just stood up from where I kneeled, right next to his pile of throw-up, though it didn't make me as sick as it should have. "He fucking. God, he died, and I wasn't even there to be with him, or anything."

I didn't know what to say to him.

"He. It wasn't even the goddamn crash. He had a fucking heart attack, and didn't want. Didn't want to go to the hospital after they said he was gonna be fine, and I."

Just then, Audrey walked in, with her face calm and stone-like, and she picked him up off the floor, mouthed a thank you to me, though I did nothing, and took him away. They walked out of the dorm with him shaking and crying and trying not to scream at whoever he was angry at, and I didn't want him to be angry over something he couldn't help, but that's hypocritical and terrible of me. No one I know has died. No one I cared about has died. I wouldn't know.