Hai there!! Okay so this is my first book, and so I want to know what I need to fix. Basicaly constructive criticism would be nice. This prologue isn’t very good, but please don’t stop reading this story because of that. If you read the first chapter and want to stop, then I will be happy. Just give it a try. I am not the greatest writer in the world, and if you don’t like it, then I would like it if you told me that, just preferably no hate comments. Thanks!
~Aj
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
“Don’t forget that Mr. Davitson is going to be at the house around 6 o’clock in the morning to discuss business with me about expanding the company, do you understand Marian?”, the man spoke. Marian and the man were more like friends than maid and master.
“Yes, sir”, the maid replied. She and her master were walking down the road that they took to get back to the house. They usually took this road because no one knew of this back route, so they would not be bombarded with the press asking questions regarding the sudden rise in money that the company was making. With the trees on the left and a cliff wall on the right, there was no telling what could be hidden there, especially the master’s sudden deal with a friend of his.
The twenty-three story glass building was in sight and the maid and the man were almost home when the master saw something in front of a small cave in the cliff wall that he had not seen before. He went to go investigate.
The man walked over to the cave and glanced around to spot girl who looked to be around the age of 16. He walked towards her and saw some of her brown hair draped over her face. She was curled up in a ball, and her clothes had some rips in them and looked as if she had rolled in some dirt – dusty and dirty looking, yet not a damp look. She was sleeping – no it was more like she was having a nightmare because her facial expression was frightened one. The girl had a few scrapes on the palms of her hands and her right foot looked like it was turned in the wrong way. She would twitch a few times as if running from something.
Maybe it was sprained or broken, the man thought. The man glanced to his left to see Marian waiting for an order.
“Marian, I want you to help me to take this girl back to the house and take her to the guest bedroom on the top floor so she can rest. Find her a change of clothes, clean her up, and give her food when she wakes up. I'll go to bed and meet with Mr. Davitson in the morning. I'll check up on her once the meeting is done.” The man sounded worried, not just for how the meeting would go, but for the girl also. The man wondered what the girl could have gone through to be in such a situation that she would be all bashed up and sleeping in a cave.
As the man and maid started to carry the girl back to the house, the man saw a dirty black back pack. The man assumed that the back pack belonged to the girl, so he grabbed the back pack and helped Marian take the girl back to the house. The man helped Marian get the girl to the guest room and into bed, even if the girl would dirty the new soft silk sheets. The man put the girl’s back pack next to the bed, bid Marian a good night and went to get some rest. Marian then glanced at the girl for the last time and went to get some rest so she could get up early and help the girl get cleaned up.
YOU ARE READING
The Unexpected
Mystery / ThrillerWhat would you do if your parents were murdered? What would your reaction be? Chloe Angel watched as her parents were murdered by a masked man. Chloe started to smile because she felt relieved that her parents were out of her life. The murderer...
