Unpolished

Bold Statements

CHAPTERT THIRTY

Bold Statements

(Playlist – ZVVL by ChVrches)

Jade's POV:

Everything came rushing back at me at once. I had thought I was leaning away from everyone, but ended up throwing up on North... twice.

He sat there patiently while a flurry a people looked for a bag or trash can. When I finished, I looked up into his big brown eyes. "Fuck," was all he had to say.

"I'm sorry, North." He just grunted and accepted the towels from his team, while I was handed a small bottle of water from Vance, and Marco wiped my head with a cold cloth. Isaac continued to hold me and rub my arms.

"He'll be okay, mi amore." Vance left the room "Do you want to talk about it?"

I didn't know if now was the time. Talking would be good, but I was struggling with the images racing through my head. I looked up and gave everyone a good once over before deciding. "I need a moment to myself, please." Vance gave a head nod and ushered me to a small office area of the jet. I stopped him at the door, pressing my hand onto his chest. "Thank you. Just give me some time. I'll be out when, well when I figure something out." Before he had a chance to say anything, I had the door shut.

There was a seat next to the window which I took willingly. I can't believe I actually went through with murdering McCoy. Then again, why wouldn't I? He was the sick fuck who had provided me with drugs, raped me on numerous occasions, threatened me, beat me nearly to death, killed my brother, and Rocky, even as much as I hated him, he didn't deserve death. "Fuck!" I hit the table. How in the hell had I ended up in this situation? Well, no more. I am going to face things head on. I had been doing well. No more drugs, no more pity, and no more sorrow. I would get professional help and have a real family and friends. It was time to show life that I could take a kick in the balls and still stand up. There would be tears, and set-backs, but I could do this with a little help.

I stood up, and wiped the tears away that had been falling down my face, and opened the door. Thirteen faces were looking back at me. "I'm ready." Vance, Marco, and Isaac stood to come towards me, but I raised my hand to stop them. "I need to talk, and without distractions." They sat back down with contemplative looks on their faces.

"I'll start from the day before the wedding. That's when I formed my plan. I had gotten pretty depressed and wanted a small glass of wine..." I told them every single gruesome detail, from finding the weapon all the way through setting the house on fire. By the end of the story, mouths were hanging open and most of the guys looked pretty green. "I want to be a better person. I want to have my family, and I want to raise this child better than I or my brother was raised. I also want professional help so that I can work through all of this shit in my head, but I don't think I can talk about a murder with just anyone. So I am asking you for help. I love you, guys." Speaking to Vance, Marco, and Isaac. "More than I can adequately express with words, and you guys," I looked at the hot-squad, "We didn't have the right kind of introduction. I was a bit... less conscious of my actions at the time, but I really have grown to like you all as friends... including Sang. I know it's going to take time for you to learn to trust me, but I do look forward to getting to really know you. I want to prove to you that I am someone that you can trust. Todd, in the couple of days I have known you, you have been not only supportive, but invaluable to me. You are smart, cunning, and attentive. If you need anything, please do not hesitate to ask. I know I will be there for you and your husband. Last, but not least, there will be more tears and I have no doubt that I will have more bad days ahead of me than good, at least for a while, but family is there to support you and help you move past the horrible, traumatic experiences in your life. We can do this together. I have no idea whether or not I will still be considered for the Academy or not after what occurred." My voice was starting to waiver now. Killing McCoy was going to be the biggest obstacle to joining, I was pretty sure. When I stopped talking, I saw resolution in the three sets of eyes that I loved more than the world itself.

"Miss Jade, if I may be so bold. I am sure this school need never know of this little indiscretion. Is it a Catholic school? I am sure you could give confession to the Father. It is my understanding that no matter what, he is not to break trust between himself and a parishioner. It is a pact made by God himself. At least that is what I was taught, and what I have read."

The seriousness in Todd's face is the only thing, may I repeat, the only thing that kept me from busting out laughing. Instead I stood there slack-jawed, trying to come up with a response. I could see the rest of the guys trying to hide their own laughter of the solemnity with which Todd spoke.

Mr. Blackbourne, who'd had his forefinger and thumb pinching the bridge of his nose until he stood, showed a small smile. "Mr. Felding, I assure you, a confessional is the last place you will find Ms. William." Then he turned to me, "Apologies, as I do not know your future endeavors."

With mirth, "Apology accepted." As serious as the mood had been, seeing Mr. Blackbourne make a joke, even at my expense, got me to smile. That smile quickly turned into laughter, which I couldn't stop. Soon, everyone had joined in and the mood shifted from sad to happy. I needed it, too. I still had a long way to go. This wouldn't get solved in a day, or a week. Hell, not even a month. However, I had a feeling that with my guys around, and even a few friends, I just might be able to find myself.