Loving The Enemy

30: Trouble in Paradise

I woke up the next morning, feeling sick to my stomach. I looked over to my left, to see Will sleeping soundly beside me. Clary wasn't in here, and I knew she must have stayed the night with Cecily and Izzy. Thank god. I looked back over at Will, and a sick feeling went through me.

What was I doing? Sleeping with a boy I didn't even know that well? This wasn't me. This was wrong. I shouldn't have done that last night, or any of the other times. Will was using me, I knew, and suddenly now it had just occurred to me. I was just his toy, to use and then throw aside. And I was letting him. From beside me, Will stirred. He grinned at me, and leaned into kiss me, but I quickly turned so his lips brushed my cheek.

"Tessa?" He asked, sounding confused.

"No." I breathed. "I can't do this."

I quickly got out of my bed, and started to tug my clothes on. Will sat up in my bed, looking puzzled.

"Do what?" He echoed.

"This." I said. "I can't sleep with you anymore, I--" I broke off.

Will only watched me for a second, looking serious. "Why?"

"Because this isn't me!" I suddenly exclaimed. "I don't sleep with guys I barely know, three times at that! This goes against everything I believe in, and I've finally woken up." I finished, and Will was now throwing his clothes on.

"I've let you use me for too long." I stated.

Will walked up to me, fully dressed, and looked me hard in the eyes. "I'm not using you, Tessa."

I sighed tiredly. "Don't even, Will, I know now. I mean, look at us. We're two people who hate each other, and are sleeping together."

"I don't hate you, and you know that." Will glared. "And I know that you don't hate me."

"But we don't have feelings for each other, Will, that's what I'm trying to say! It's wrong. We can't be doing this." I said.

"This is about Mark, isn't it?" Will sounded bitter.

I made an exasperated sound. "This isn't about him, or anyone else. This is about you and I. I just can't do it, anymore. I--I always feel so guilty after it's over."

"That's because you won't let yourself believe your true feelings." Will said, staring intensely into my eyes. "Stop pushing them away, Tess."

"I'm not, Will." I lied. "I can't do this, anymore. That's it. I can't sleep with you, anymore, or kiss you. It isn't right and you know it."

"Yes, it is right, but you just won't admit it." Will said, and I sighed.

"I know that you feel the sparks when we touch, Tessa." He whispered. "I know that you feel a pull to me, just as I feel a pull to you. We're meant to be. You and I."

My eyes widened at his words, and I suddenly understood what he meant. Will had a crush on me. Will Herondale liked me. I froze for a moment. I didn't believe him.

"My heart beats faster as soon as you enter the room, and when you touch me, it's as if fireworks are being set off inside of me." Will whispered, his blue eyes bright.

"Then date me." I challenged. "Date me."

Will froze, and he didn't say anything. "You don't want me, Tessa. You're too good for me."

I laughed dryly. "Just what I thought."

I then stormed out of the room, before he could reply. I met everyone downstairs in the buffet, and a second later Will joined us. It seemed like everyone was going to tease us, but immediately thought against it, seeing our moods. I didn't dare look at Will, though I felt his eyes on me. How dare he lie to me like that, just to get me to keep having sex with him? I was disgusted.

Throughout the day, Cecily, Isabelle, and Clary kept trying to get me to tell them what was wrong, but I refused. I didn't want to tell anyone, yet. Will and I only sat there, silently, as everyone talked. Mark, Julian, Emma, Cristina, and Diego joined us at one point and I barely forced a smile. I noticed that Mark and Cristina were holding hands, and I felt happy that they were finally together. When dinner rolled around, I was feeling miserable. Will kept looking at me, and I did my best to ignore him.

"Stephen and I going to be leaving earlier than we expected." Celine suddenly announced. "The day after tomorrow. We decided to ask if any of you wanted to come back early with us, we expect that none of you want to, but we just thought we would put it out there."

"Um actually, I would like to, Mrs. Herondale." I spoke up.

"What?" Will said immediately. "Why?"

I finally looked over at him. "Do you really want to ask that?"

Will sighed, looking frantic. "Tess, I swear I was telling the truth, I--"

I sighed sadly. "Just stop, Will. Please."

Suddenly, he angrily stood up. "You know what? Whatever then. Leave for all I care."

He then stormed off, and everyone watched him. I felt tears well in my eyes, but I quickly blinked them back.

"Are you sure, Tessa?" Stephen frowned.

I nodded, and stood up. "Excuse me."

I walked away from our table, and out of the restaurant. I started walking towards the elevator, and then I heard someone call my name. I turned around to see Cecily, Clary, and Isabelle walking up to me. Clary hugged me, and that's when I finally started to cry. We all then took a seat down on a bench, and I told them everything that had happened.

"That's horrible." Clary said sadly, when I was finished.

"Tessa," Izzy started. "I don't think he was lying. I've seen the way he looks at you."

I sighed. "Lying or not, I've wrecked everything we had. It doesn't matter now."

"Are you sure you want to go back?" Cecily frowned sadly.

I nodded. "I have to. I need space from him."

The three of them only nodded sadly. I thought about Will, again, and I almost started crying again.

What if he was telling the truth?