I Think I Have Insomnia

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I think I have insomnia.

I had a friend who had insomnia, once, in the grade above me. She barely slept and was sick a lot. She was really emo, but I liked her because she seemed like she was facing the same dilemma as me:

I think my life is a meme.

I mean, memes give me such joy, it's pathetic. The most fun times for me are past midnight, when I'm the only one awake, sitting in my bed, eating chocolate and looking at memes on iFunny.

But what else am I supposed to do at midnight when I'm the only one awake?

It's not like some hot guy is gonna throw a rock at my window and take me on an adventure.

Even if a hot guy threw a rock at my window, he'd probably break it.

And then he'd run, because chivalry is dead nowadays, and the world is filled with douches.

Honestly, I've noticed it more and more.

It seems like every guy I know is a douchebag at heart. A girl can't even have a half decent crush on a guy because he'll do something dumb, like posting a picture of a girl he teases on instagram, or not following me back on instagram.

Okay, that angers me so much. Like, I followed you, you asshole, it ain't that hard to follow me back!

Anyways, guys are douches and it's really annoying. I haven't had a full crush in ages.

Honestly, I like this whole "not having a crush" thing. When you have a crush, you get so nervous talking to them and being around them, and they're always on your mind. But when you don't like anyone, everything's just so easygoing and you can just relax.

I think I might just stay single and not get involved with any serious relationships. I mean, a relationship would just hold me back. And heaven forbid I start a family.

That shit just ain't for me. I mean, I'm a strong independent woman, and I don't need no man.

I'm sure it would be nice to be surrounded by that family love, but I'd rather be independent.

I mean, I've been surrounded by family love, and it's great, but I'd probably be an awful mom anyways.

Either way, it's nights alone like this that make me know that this is what I want to have.

Again, it's pathetic.

I would rather be alone, looking at memes, than spending time with a family. But I genuinely can't wait for college when I can have ramen like every night and have dance parties with my roommate.

Maybe that's what I'll do. I'll get a roommate. Someone with the same type of thinking as me, who would rather stay single.

I think I'm one of those "cool aunt" types. If my brother ever gets a girl (or even a guy) to like him, and he has kids, I'll be the chill aunt that gets them a ton of shit that their parents wouldn't approve of.

Speaking of which, I wonder how my mom would react if she knew that I bought a lacy halter bra and panties from Victoria's Secret. As an Indian mother, I'm sure that'd be traumatizing for her. I'd probably get grounded and my mom wouldn't ever let me go out alone again.

But what's the big deal?

I mean, I'm just starting to get comfortable with my body and shit, so I'm not scared to wear bikinis and tops that go above my belly button. But my mom won't even let me wear spaghetti straps.

Isn't that sad?

A girl my age whose life is dictated by her mom?

White people are so damn lucky sometimes.

I wish I had chocolate right now but I finished the last of my Reese's cups last night.

Should I dip into my summer supply of candy?

Nah, I'll need every piece of that for summer nights like this one.

I think I'll just eat some cereal and read on wattpad until I can sleep.