I Think I Have Insomnia

9

I'm a socially awkward fuck.

Today I went to do this audition and the guy was like, "it's nice to meet you," and I literally responded "thank you."

We were at Old Navy and this lady was at the register, buying her stuff and I literally cut in front of her not realizing what she was doing.

I went to Macy's and went behind the checkout counter thinking it was a display or something. One of the sales attendants was like "there's a display case right over there if you want to check it out," and I replied with "no I'm just looking." Yeah, I'm just looking. I'm looking behind the checkout counter.

I could go on but I won't. I shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm a hazard to society.

But, on other notes, I haven't updated this in forever. The "insomnia" is going strong, I haven't slept before 1:00 A.M. for even a single night all summer.

My mom found my candy so that was the end of that. Lucky for me, I found where she hid it so I can just go and get some if I want it.

Suck it mom, you've been wrecked. I'm a troll.

What the fuck is wrong with me.

Honestly, I will be so fucking surprised if a decent guy actually likes me.

By 'decent' I don't mean hot. If I were to describe my dream guy, it would be something like this: Average looking (maybe taller than average), I don't particularly care what race he is, soft, clean (preferably dark colored) hair.

As for the personality, the most important thing is that he must have the most insane sense of humor. Like, he should be so funny and sarcastic that everything that comes out of his mouth makes me laugh.

He should like my music and should be able to handle my dancing. Actually, he should find my psycho dancing to be cute.

He should be ambitious but not too serious about it. I don't really care if he's that smart, just smart enough that I can talk to him properly.

He should be honest, but with excellent lying skills.

Maybe he could have a tattoo or a lip ring, because those are kind of hot.

He shouldn't be a regular smoker, because I wouldn't be able to handle that.

I don't care much about his friends, really, even if they hate me. As long as he likes me, I'm fine.

If he cheats on me I will cut his dick off. I hate the idea of cheaters. I would never give a cheater a second chance. If you betray me once, there's no going back, at least not the same way.

I used to want an unbelievably hot guy who was smart and nice and funny and liked my music and was perfect and great with kids and loved me more than anything.

But a perfect person isn't any fun.

I want a real person with a ton of flaws that I can talk to. Someone who will do romantic gestures but ridicule himself for doing them.

Someone who has insecurities and can cuss like an animal (even though animals can't cuss).

I don't think I'm asking for too much anymore. I think that this guy exists, to some fault. He might not be exactly the way I imagined him, but he'll be good enough for me.

Besides, I'm not perfect in any way, so why should I demand a perfect guy? Plus, perfect people are more likely to cheat.

The hotter a guy is, the more conceited they are and the more of a fuckboy they are.

It's basically true, if you think about it.

I hate couples that say I love you to each other after 3 weeks of dating.

Actually, wattpad novels are worse. In half of them, they say they love each other before even dating or kissing.

In fact, I don't even believe in dating before you've kissed them. I mean, that could change, but I just think that once you've gotten to know someone intimately enough to kiss them, then you should date them.

And 'i love you' shouldn't come until at the very least six months of dating.

Maybe I'm a weirdo for all these thoughts and expectations. But I've never been in love, so I can't say anything from experience.

Sure, I've liked people and people have liked me but I've never even been in a relationship. This is just my dream guy goals.

So yeah, but everyone is different in their dream guy goals.

Anyways, he's out there somewhere, and I will find the motherfucker and make him love me.

Imma end it now, so goodnight.