I Think I Have Insomnia

12

I haven't stayed up this late since summer and had the energy to write, holy shit! I forgot how stressful school can be.

But anyways, so I went to homecoming last night (well, technically, two nights ago) and let me tell you! I'm not real big on slut shaming but straight up this Indian or Muslim girl in this short ass clubbing dress was like grinding up on this white guy and I was just like what the fuck because she's like fourteen and I'm pretty sure she has to be adopted or something because parents from that region of this world don't find that acceptable. But if she's third or fourth generation, that would be more understandable, I guess.

But I just see all these young people, under the age of fifteen doing insane shit like having sex and I'm just sitting here like I can't even get a text back??? What the fuck, maybe it's just me.

You know what, on that note, here's another thing: I GET FRIENDZONED/HATEZONED A LOT.

This is so frustrating as I'm starting to realize this! Every boy I like either only sees me as a friend or ends up hating my guts. Like on Friday I found out that this guy that I used to like had a thing with this other girl the entire time, and I'm just sitting there clueless, like this is the first I'm hearing of this! I mean, obviously that's not the only time that's happened, but it's happened at least three other times. And then, a lot of the time, I'll start liking someone because we end up spending some time together in school or something, and then as soon as we don't spend as much time together, they hate me! This has happened like at least three times.

Ugh I just want to be done with liking people but of course not, because of course on Friday I find out that this other guy that I sort of liked got asked out by a girl and was taking her to homecoming! But no, that can't be the end of it, life is too cruel for that, because at the dance when I see him I say " hey, Chad" (but his name isn't Chad tho) and he nods his head and I think that's the end of that but then he comes up and starts talking to me and introduces himself to my friends like "hi, I'm Chad" and tells me "please don't roast me" and I'm just in my head like, how the fuck do you expect me to roast you when you look that good??? And then he just stands and talks with me for much longer than expected, which literally puts a smile on my face for the rest of the night and then goes away.

And you know, I'd be so happy and all that except he obviously doesn't like me because he went with some other girl to the dance, even though she asked him and he said yes and then he didn't even post on instagram about it, but she did and then he comments "thanks for going with me, I had a lot of fun!" on her picture, the same way my mother would tell me to be polite to someone that gave me a gift like I'm just so confused and uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhgggghhh.

My fucking non-existent love life. I'm so done.

Also, my non-existent straight A's. This first quarter has been hella rough for me, grade-wise, even though all my weighted classes will push my GPA up a lot, I still have too many B's and C's and it's just not looking so great for me.

Overall, I'm struggling to find will to live right now.

Just kidding, but my parents are probably gonna beat me when they see my grades.

Also I sounded like a whiny bitch throughout this entire chapter and I'm very sorry to the two people other than myself that read this and endured through to the end. I am a whiny bitch though, and I always take things for granted.

But anyways, that's that, and I got school tomorrow so fuck my life