I Think I Have Insomnia

11

Everybody has unrealistic expectations for the future, and it's really annoying.

Like, good luck to the 10% of 7.2 billion people who think they're going to get married and have kids and actually be happy by the time they're thirty five.

I don't think I'm going to even be alive when I'm thirty five, to be honest. And you know what? I am 100% okay with that. If I manage to do the thing that I want to do, it'll happen before I'm thirty five. I'll be too old to be start out as a dj by the time I'm older than that, so if it never happens, what's the point of living past that age?

Again, I'm not suicidal, I'm just saying.

And there's this human need to find and be loved. I don't like that. I'm not denying the fact, but I just don't fucking like it. I'll always need someone else to love me. I will never be able to love myself and be done with it. I'm extremely co-dependent, and all my friends know that I would be completely lost without them, literally. I have no sense of direction.

But anyways, a lot of people believe in a perfect match or a soul mate. I definitely don't, and that's part of why I never want to get married. Nobody's perfect, and everybody makes mistakes (lmao my two fav songs) (jkjkjk) so even the most seemingly perfect relationships will have extreme struggles. It is comforting to think that there's someone out there specifically made just for you.

But in my opinion, not everybody gets to have that person. Some of us aren't gonna get that love.

Yeah, call me fucking Satan the dream killer, for giving you yet another realistic expectation.

I could elaborate on how your kids aren't gonna be perfect and how they'll never love you as much as you love them and how you (yes you, reading this) could be a future serial killer.

We can't predict this shit. So why do we plan so hard for it? Nothing will ever go like we plan.

Ugh I'm just so irritated about this.

But, moving on.

School sucks ass, as per usual.

I miss staying up until past four am every night and waking up past one pm the next day.

I'm trying to get my parents to let me paint my room white, but they're like "keep it clean first, then u can paint it." Like, if my room had the wall colors that I want it to, I'd actually be motivated to keep it clean so it can be artsy! How do they not understand this?

Also, I'm very sad rn because this edm duo called Zeds Dead is coming to where I live, and literally no edm people come to where I live, because everyone here likes pop and alternative. Plus, zeds dead is fairly unknown. Anyways, I'm sad because they're coming on a motherfucking WEDNESDAY. And I can't go because I have SCHOOL. I hate school and I love Zeds Dead, but I have to go to school instead of a concert because "education is a priviledge that shoudn't be taken for granted" or some shit like that. Like BOI, Zeds Dead is a fucking priviledge too and probably a once in a lifetime opportunity. I can go to school any day.

Fuck my life.

I sound like such a brat right now, but fuck it, I'm legitimately upset.

Oh my lord, so I was on instagram (follow my art account @neharikart) and I found this singing account and oh God the girl singing was trying so fucking hard but she was absolutely terrible and I just completely slaughtered her with roasts. Obviously, I dmd the roasts to my friends, I'm not mean enough to actually say them to her but like I was just laughing so hard.

Poor girl thinks she's brilliant, but nobody else does. Still, nobody will ever tell her she's actually horrible and she'll go on thinking she can be a singer on Broadway and audition for amerca's got talent and get triple x'd and go home crying.

All because nobody told her her singing was the physical equivalent of drinking bleach.

Okay, I'm exaggerating but like it was still pretty bad though.

Anyways, to sum up the chapter, everybody sucks, school sucks and I'm a twat.

Annnnd, good night!

Jk, I'm gonna go watch Netflix now.