Lost In The Mind of Me

Part title

Strong, Smart, Pretty. I found my confidence starting freshman year. And though I wish I could tell you it stayed, it didn't.

    It started like this.

    'I got this. I mean, come on. Im the girl who plays football. Im running for Miss Teen Colorado. I can graduate early.

I'm set.

    As long as no one see's my scars. Unless I show them.'

    It's amazing how, when you are confident, you can have so many people by your side.

    The first day of school, I was so, happy. Cute guys were at my beck and call. I got over Joe.

    It was a blissful peace.

    Shelby was in my first hour. Cruteu was so cool. He made government and economics fun. In my second hour, I met Angela. A girl who was so beautiful, but couldn't see it. The teacher Ms.Doyle was just drop dead gorgeous. I had blocked math third and fourth. I met Ron and Andrew in that class, and Josh, who I've known since first grade, was in that class. I didn't like the teacher Mr.Nuttall though, he was just weird. I had lunch during fifth,  and at first, I ate with my usual group. Well, my old usual group. It was Shelby I. , Kelsey, Cheyenne, Thomas, Jessica, and Dana. People that I have known for a long time. During sixth hour, I had Principles of Biomedical Sciences. I loved that class. We did dissections, learned about food chemistry, and different diseases, most specifically diabetes. My seventh hour was physics. Evan was in that class. At first, all I did was sleep in that class. But when I was actually paying attention, I really liked it. Mrs. Schreiner was awesome. My eighth hour was healthy choices and intro. to fitness. Mrs. Hesselroad and Carlson were both really cool.

    I began the year okay, I mean I made friends easily. I guess it's pretty bad when within the first week I had to leave in an ambulance. Stupid diabetic ketoacidosis. My diabetes was suffering because I was going through diabetic bulimia. Diabetic bulimia is where you use high blood sugars as a weight shredder. I want to blame my mother and the beauty pageant for the want to be skinny and beautiful, but I was just so caught up with the attention, I didn't want to lose it.

    At homecoming, that my friends so desperately wanted me to go, I began my downward spiral. It's sad but funny, how I rejected Tom's question for me to be his date. He was absolutely serious, and I laughed in his face, then blanched when I saw his expression. I still feel horrible about it.

    When it came to homecoming, I stayed near Abbie Chopper, my other female best friend. Tom wasn't allowed near her. Okay, so I'm chicken shit. What's wrong with that? Plus to top that, I cried when I saw Joe's giddy smile with that ass he was grabbing, as if to mock me.

Michael found me hanging out in a dark corner by myself, after about an hour or so. He asked if I would dance with him. I let him lead me out on the floor.

We swayed to the classy country music that was playing. And then, when I planted a small kiss on his cheek, giddy with the fact someone actually liked me, and wasn't a bad boy, he kissed me.

It wasn't like those kisses that you always would dream of having as a little girl.

And from that night, while kissing and dancing with Mike to God Gave Me You by Blake Shelton, I slowly started to descend into teenage-hood. He was my first kiss, but it was a sloppy, drunken like kiss.

It took him all of two weeks to dump me. I was Bi, he was christian. I was democrat, he was republican. I was for gay rights, he was against. Yet, he told me it was because of the drama between my friends. Like, what the hell?!

    I moved on fairly quickly, by which means I stopped paying attention to all the flirtation. For a couple of months. Then, I started drifting from my close friends. I found new friends. I hung out with Katelyn and her friends.  I drifted from talking to people. I began to admit I liked girls. My memory of those months is rather spotty, even though it was just a little while ago.