Olivia
It's not even 10 am and I'm already irritated. Liam was being extra smothering this morning when he woke me up. He knows I'm not the most pleasant in the morning. I knew we had to get up to get ready to go to the photo shoot but he didn't have to be so annoying about it, tickling and baby talking me. I think he picked up on my irritation so he offered to go grab us breakfast. It's not like he had to do too much to get ready. They'll do that at the shoot. When he finally left I jumped in the shower and finally started to feel less annoyed only to have Lexie knock on the door as soon as I got out. Don't get me wrong I didn't realize until last night how much I missed her, but between Liam smothering me, all of this news Lexie is throwing on me, the looming thoughts of Harry I still have and being jet lagged is not equaling to be the best combination this morning.
I am happy that I made up with her. But at the same time, I think I forgot how observant she is. I felt like I was walking on egg shells talking to her. I made sure to be extra careful about keeping my face neutral and not really looking at her when she was talking. She can read me like a book. I guess that's what happens when you've been best friends and lived with someone constantly for four years. I slipped when she told me about her job. I guess I shouldn't have been too shocked. Lexie excels at everything she does. Almost to the point of it being annoying sometimes. It's not a surprise that the team gave her a job. I just expected her to have a struggle a little more before making this big step in her career. That's how it's supposed to happen. People our age aren't supposed to be successful. But I am happy for her. It's what she's always wanted to do and here she is doing it. It's definitely impressive how she manages to have it all. Somehow I only find myself thinking in the back of my mind of what I thought I wanted may not really be what I wanted after all. I loved being able to not have to worry about a thing these past few months but now that I'm back in London, seeing Lexie succeed, it just reminds me of how far ahead she is of me now and that nothing has changed with me at all in this respect. Don't get me wrong, I've grown up a lot over the past few months. My accident changed my outlook on life and my priorities have shifted. I don't feel like a naiive child anymore. I've gained a lot of life experience from my almost double life, but look where that has me. I'm stuck between two boyband members traveling back and forth following them around, living off of them and honestly just fucking around. The irony that these are the exact accusations Lexie threw at me weeks ago only burns more now that I'm realizing it. Maybe she isn't as off base as I thought she was.
I try to refocus in on what she's saying to me about the house when I can't help but feel a little jealous that she's been hanging out with Gemma and El. I'm grateful that they're all friends now. I think when I first came over to London and became close with them Lexie became jealous, especially once her and Niall started dating. We would all do things together and Lexie wasn't around for them. It makes sense to me now how she probably felt. I just can't help but start to feel the life I left for myself in London is completely different coming back. So many things have changed I can't even begin to sort out what is bothering me the most.
I also probably should have thought twice before changing in front of her as well, but honestly I had no idea that bruise was even there. Was it from last night? It definitely wasn't from Liam. I've barely let him touch me. I just can't shake the guilt and dirty feeling every time he tries. I guess it could've been from when I was with Harry in Houston. But I feel like I would've noticed before now. And it looks fresh. I didn't think he pushed me into the counter that hard last night. At least, I didn't feel it at the time. But I guess I was a little more focused on the way his tongue was lapping around my mouth and his hands groping every single bit of me they could touch. I'm going to have to warn him to be more careful if we keep this up. I bruise so easily and the last thing I need is another thing to cover up. I know we should stop but I can't deny the small rush of adrenaline I had last night when Harry locked us in the bathroom. It was hot and dangerous and in the moment I couldn't stop it. I didn't realize how much I missed him kissing me until then and feeling his arousal through his jeans. Harry just has this way of taking me out of a situation and making me forget about anything but him. He is so captivating that I almost crave the escape of it all. It's truly the only time my brain stops running a thousand miles a minute. I love the sense of relief it gives me.
