Alexis Poniewierski
9:22 PM
4/12/2016
I don't know how I feel, almost every song is relating to me right now. I tend to listen to the lyrics more when I'm sad. I'm sad often I guess. Music became a part of me. I used to go days without listening to it, and now it's nearly impossible because I'm often sad. I'm often aching for the feeling to be held, but I do not want to be touched.
I wish it was easier to wrap myself up in my own arms and lift myself up. But sometimes it's hard to do things by yourself, and I know many people can agree. Being alone is very hard, but for some people they have to live with it everyday.
Being a teenager and feeling like the world is against you is the hardest thing to deal with. I have some friends, but I drift from them because every friend I have ever had either left or stopped talking to me. So much for friends for life, right?
I want to beg for people to stay. But I can't. Even though I am weak I can't show it, right? I laugh, and I smile. But how many times do I laugh and smile and mean it? Almost none. I enjoy talking about some things, but at the end of the day I'm still staring at the wall, or the ceiling, or maybe the brown lamp with the cream lampshade. Or maybe the broken clock.
Sometimes I just stare at the tissue box with the strange fishtail design on the box. Or the cloth coaster for drinks. But nothing can keep my mind off of what reality is giving me.
Why must life be so hard? Society is so screwed up. I constantly hear about people committing suicide, and that hurts because I can't help them, but I found out I had to build myself up before I tried to build someone else up...
As selfish as that sounds, I have been unable to build myself up to the tip-top for years. I try watching TV, maybe a show I like. Playing my favorite game, or maybe coloring. Drawing, writing books. Those used to be my outlets. Those used to help get my mind off of things, but I lost almost all interest in it. It doesn't keep my mind off of things anymore. I don't have any inspiration to draw, or write my stupid books. Playing my favorite game isn't even completely appealing anymore. I stopped watching TV. Coloring gets boring...
♥Author's Note:
Some letters will seem unfinished, I apologize. These are letters I will be or have read aloud to my counselor, and some are unfinished because eventually there wasn't much else to say, or there was too much to say to put in one letter. Thank you for any inconvenience. ♥
YOU ARE READING
Dear Counselor: My Story.
Non-FictionMy own personal letters to my Counselor, explaining how my depression works and what it's making me feel. A lot of people suffer with depression & unfortunately, I was one of them that developed it. A lot of people kill themselves everyday becau...
