Dear Counselor: My Story.

Letter Thirteen

Alexis Poniewierski

8:20 PM

4/24/16

Hey. It's been a few days since I've last written. The only issue is- is it's not because I haven't had breakdowns. I just haven't had the energy to talk about how I feel lately. So I had the incapability to be able to do much. Just because I didn't have the emotional energy.

I applied for a job. I called them today. Actually, a few minutes ago.

They were extremely rude. They hung up on me, after saying, "we are NOT HIRING."

But I had walked into the store and was told that they were by a sales associate.

It's 8:58 PM now. I stopped typing for awhile- I honestly cannot figure out why. I keep losing train of thought, and I literally feel stuck and trapped.

I feel sick- I want my Mom but I have to babysit my baby half-brother for the next two weeks. My parents are divorced and have been for almost three years.

I want my boyfriend, too. I want him with me so bad.

He left today because he has school.

I haven't been to school in two weeks and it'll be going on the third week this week because I can't emotionally handle it, and setting up for schooling this late in the year would be pointless.

I don't want to spend my entire Summer inside doing school work, either. Those three months will be the only good thing I'll have for awhile.

I'm extremely sad, and I can't explain why. I wish I could explain it... but god; I fucking CAN'T.

I know I'm sixteen and shouldn't have such profane language in this. But I can't help it... it's what is being screamed within my brain and I can't move it.

It's like I'm screaming and nobody can hear.

I feel hopeless. I feel like nothing can save me. 

I struggle, and god damn, I hate struggling. Haha, but who enjoys struggling? Huh? Who enjoys feeling like they're entangled within millions of vines that have thorns that are embedding them into your thin skin? Who enjoys feeling like you can't cut your way out? Huh?

♥Author's Note:

As the author and creator of this book, I would really appreciate it if my readers can listen- not watch, unless you feel like you want to, the attached videos because they also explain how I'm feeling that I have been unable to write within the lines of this book.

Thank you.♥